Posts Tagged ‘Sex’

Probably after long one month, I finally got some time to spend with myself. Honestly this new job is really checking my capacity to handle stress, tension, work load everything. Everyday morning, I wake up at 7 am, then immediately after waking up, I rush to washroom, get ready, prepare breakfast while getting ready, pack it in lunch box, put it in a bag, arrange my office bag, take car key and start rushing in the Mumbai traffic. Then try not to honk at any point of time on the way to my office putting FM on high pitch and reach my office after travelling 43 km in 1 hour, if lucky, park my car outside office in open parking area, assemble by trouser, take the laptop bag in shoulder, lunch box in other hand start running for lift. Then the permutation combination phase, which life will come fast and probability of getting in is higher as there is no queue in front of life. After participating in that race, I reach office with a smiling face enjoying good morning wish by my sub-ordinates and finally settle, better say leave my ass to settle on a cushy mushy chair. Office boy brings a glass of water and then a hot coffee. The moment I open my laptop and start checking mails in outlook and newspaper in google chrome, intercom rings, hey man, good morning, can you please come for 1 minute? Sometime I think of replying, no sir, I can’t come, but I can’t because at this point of time, I am not having any back up job in my hand and I have a wife, I have a social status, I have a bunch of friends, I have handful of well-wishers and a bunch of bad wishers as well around me who may forget to shit in the morning but never forget to keep their watchful eyes on me. So I can’t just type a letter and throw that on my boss saying, fuck off! Hey, come on, don’t get me wrong, I am not at all frustrated with my job. Actually I enjoy working whole day, attend meetings, taking decisions, make fun of any small funny incidents and take charge of a whole bundle of deliverable. Anyway, I work whole day till evening, may be by 7 pm, I log off and again take my car key to jump in to the battle of returning home. In evening, I usually take long 2 hours to reach at home. So I reach around 9 pm every day, feel blessed when my wife offers me cooked food. O yes, sometime, I take a peg of whiskey and act like drunk to forget all the shit I did whole day including travelling to office and returning back and then enjoy my dinner while watching TV. Then I go to sleep.

So that my daily ordeal. I just don’t do anything apart from the above mentioned schedule. I may take 30 min more in one activity than other but overall the story is same.

Ok now, I guess you are much tired of reading my boring story because I guess you also got almost same like mine. Then let me tell you another story, funny is this is not funny and I assure, your story matches mine and for obvious reason my story matches exactly with yours. To be honest, we everyone have same story in life and still we try to extract thrill out of it. You earn, you socialize, you take responsibilities both at home and at work place, in both place you get bare minimum hike in your salary as well as importance at your home. You earn, you spend, sometime for yourself and most of the time for others only to remain included in that circle but most of the time you end up with getting criticized for what you haven’t done at all, still you smile, keep yourself busy in aspiring more and more with a dream of achieving everything in life as soon as possible hoping there is a world, where everything you do is appreciated without any miss and you continue living. You earn, you fight to streamline what is not in order. With your hard work, dedication, you reach closest to that place and find out while concentrating on one thing, you missed another thing. You again try to assemble that. Your job is never finished.

Hey cool, no need to thank me, we all are co-traveler in same boat. We will never reach our destination and please don’t get frustrated for that. Let’s keep trying.

Sougata

24.05.2017

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bermudaভাবা আর করার মধ্যে যতটুকু গ্যাপ লোকের থাকে, আমার তার থেকে একটু হলেও বেশি থাকে, আমি বাপু ভাবতে ভালবাসি, করতে মোটেই ভালবাসিনা আর ভাবনা লিখে ওঠার কথা মাঝে মাঝে ভাবতে ভাবতে আমি আবার ভাবতে বসে যাই। কিন্তু আজ আমি ঠিক করেছি লিখবো, জম্পেশ একটা ভাবনার কথাই লিখবো, সেটা লিখতে গিয়ে আমার ঘুম এসে গেলেও আমি লিখবো, আর লিখতে লিখতে আরও বেশি ভাবনা এসে গেলে সেগুলোকেও আধপেটা করে পিটিয়ে টুপটাপ লিখে ফেলবো। লেখার আগে আমার লেখার কায়দা কানুনগুলো একটু ঠিকঠাক করে নিতে হয়, তার মধ্যে প্রথম হল দরজা জানলা বন্ধ করা, দ্বিতীয় হল ল্যাপটপে সবকটা শপিং সাইট বন্ধ করা, তারপরে তিনটি গুনে গুনে সিগারেট বাবার প্যাকেট থেকে ঝেড়ে খাটের তলায় লুকিয়ে ফেলা। এইসব হয়ে গেলে আসে সব থেকে গুরুত্বপূর্ণ জিনিস, খানিকক্ষণ ভাবলাম সেটা লেখা ঠিক হবে কিনা, কিন্তু ঠিক ভুল ভাবতে বসলে আমি আবার ভাবতেই থাকব, লেখা আর আমার দ্বারা আজ হচ্ছে না। হ্যাঁ, সোজা-সাপটা বলে দি, আমি অন্তর্বাস পরে লিখতে পারিনা, তাই সবার আগে সেটা ত্যাগ করি, তারপরে বাবার অনেক পুরনো একটা জ্যেলজ্যেলে ফতুয়া আছে, সেটা গলিয়ে নি, আর নীচে অপুর বারমুডা।

এবার প্রশ্ন আসবে, অপুটা কে? ঠিক আছে, উত্তর দিচ্ছি, অপু আমার এক্স বয়ফ্রেন্ড। আর হ্যাঁ, অপু নামটা মোটেই আসল নয়, নকল লেখার একটা সুযোগ আমি ছাড়লাম না, কিন্তু এই একটিই। হ্যাঁ টা যা বলছিলাম, মানে ভাবছিলাম, বারমুডাটা সবুজ রঙের, উপরে গাড়ীর ছোপ ছোপ করা, বেশ পুরনো, সামনের দিকে একটা চেন আছে, আর অপুর যেটা হাঁটুর উপর অব্দি হোতো, সেটা আমার থ্রি-কোয়ার্টার হয়ে গেছে। হথাত মনে হল, আজকের ভাবনাটা এই বারমুডা নিয়ে লিখে দিব্যি চালিয়ে দেওয়া যায়। বেশ ভাবাও যাবে আর সঙ্গে লেখাও যাবে, আর অপু এবং তার বারমুডার ইতিহাসটা নেহাতই সাদামাটা নয়। হ্যাঁ, তাহলে এইবার ভাটের বকবক বন্ধ করে কিছু লেখা যাক।

ওকে, কীভাবে লিখবো? অ্যানা ফ্রাঙ্কের মতো বারমুডাকে চিঠি লেখা যেতে পারে, বা নেহাতই অপুকেই একটা চিঠি, শুরুটা হবে এইভাবে, “প্রিয় অপু, তুমি ভাবিতেই পারো নাই আমার হস্তে আবার এই পত্রখানা পাইবে, কিন্তু আজিকার দিবসে সকাল হইতে রোদ্দুর মাখিয়া, তোমার বারমুডা পরিয়া গায়ে হাতে পায়ে তেল মাখিয়া মনে হইতে ছিল এরকম সুন্দর একখানি সুন্দর দিবস তোমার সঙ্গেও কাটাইতে পারিতাম…”, মাফ করিবেন, মানে নিজেই নিজেকে করলাম আর কি, যা তা লেবেলের কাব্যি হয়ে যাচ্ছিলো, মানে বারমুডা পরে তেল মাথার কথা অব্দি তাও ঠিক ছিল, কিন্তু সেটা অপুকে সঙ্গে করে! এটা বাড়াবাড়ি হয়ে যাচ্ছিলো।

ঠিক আছে, আপাতত এটা বোঝা গেলো, বারমুডার আসল মালিককে চিঠি লেখা যাবে না, সোজাসুজি বারমুডাকেও চিঠি লেখাটা আমার অসামান্য লেখক প্রতিভার ক্ষমতার একশত কোটি ক্রোশ দূরে। তাহলে!

ইউরেকা, ইউরেকা…না, আমি এখুনি এই পোশাকে দৌড়ে গিয়ে বাথটবে নামতে যাচ্ছি না, কারনটা সিম্পেল, আহা কারনের দরকার নেই জানি, সবাই বারমুডা নিয়ে গল্প পড়তে বসে আমার ইউরেকার গল্প শুনতে চাইছ না, কিন্তু কিছু করার নেই, আমি বাপু স্বভাব লেখক, ভাবনার দাস বলতে পারো, একটু সব জিনিস নিয়ে না  ঠিক জমে না, আর না পড়তে ইচ্ছে করলে কেউ মাথার দিব্যি দেয়নি যে পড়তেই হবে, ভাগ বোকা ছেলে! (BC, এটার পরে একটা স্মাইলি দেওয়ার খুব ইচ্ছে ছিল!)। আসলে তেল মাখার কথা ভাবা আর বাথটবে না যাওয়ার কারনটা সহজ, এখন শীতকাল, আর আমি দিব্যি দুতিনদিন তিন চারবার করে পারফিয়ুম লাগিয়ে গন্ধ স্নান করতে পারি।

ফেরত এসো বারমুডাতে, তোমাদের না আসলেও চলবে, আর সত্যি বলতে কি আমি ডাকিওনি, গল্পে ফেরত আসতে বললাম।

অপু আর আমি খুব ভালো বন্ধু ছিলাম, এতটাই ভালো যে আমরা একসাথে প্রচুর সময় কাটাতাম, ও আমার বাড়িতে বা আমি ওর বাড়িতে, সেই ক্লাস এইট থেকে, না না, অমলকান্তির গল্প লিখতে বসছি না, প্রমিস! আমাদের ইংরিজির টিচার ছিলেন ধিরেনবাবু, হ্যাঁ, তখন ডি. এম. এর মতো শর্ট বলতে শিখিনি, তো আমরা মোটামুটি একসাথে পড়তাম, একসাথে লিখতাম, একসাথে সময় সুযোগ হলে খেতাম, ক্লাস পালিয়ে গঙ্গার ধারেও গেছি, অবশ্য তখন কলেজে পড়ি। আমাদের বাড়ির লোকের ধারণা ছিল এরা প্রচণ্ড ভালো বন্ধু, আমরাও তাই জানতাম। আমাদের বন্ধুরা বলতো, তোদের তো আলাদা করাই যায়না রে! সত্যি বিন্দাস বন্ধু ছিলাম। আমার আর অপুর দুজনেরই দুটো সাইকেল ছিল, সেটা করে আমরা স্কুলে যেতাম, পড়তে যেতাম আর মাঝে মাঝে ইচ্ছে হলে গঙ্গার ধারে। সত্যি গঙ্গার ধারে যেতে আমার দারুন লাগতো, হয়তো এখনও লাগে। আমি পড়তাম টি শার্ট আর জিন্স, আর অপু ওর বিখ্যাত বারমুডা…সবুজ রঙের, গাড়ীর ছোপ ছোপ। হ্যাঁ ঠিক ধরেছেন মশাই, সেই বারমুডাটি, যেটি বর্তমানে আমি পড়ে আছি। সব থেকে মজার কথা, অপু ক্লাস সেভেন পর্যন্ত নাকি জাঙ্গিয়া পড়তো না, আহা কি সুখের জীবন ছিল ওর! আমাকে তো বোধহয় জন্মই দেওয়া হয়েছিলো ওইসব পড়িয়ে, থাক সেসব কথা, ভাওনাও মে বেহে জানা মেরি গন্দি আদত হে!

একবারের গল্প বলি, তখন আমি কলেজে পড়ি, সক্কাল সক্কাল অপুর ফোন, আজ কলেজ যাবো না, আজ যাবো গঙ্গার পাড়ে, একটা নাটকের গল্প বেশ মনে ধরেছে, কাল সারারাত ঘুমোইনি, ভিক্টোরিয়া জেগে যাবেন বলে তোকে বলা হয়নি, তুই আজ কালটি মেরে দে, চল আমার সঙ্গে, তোকে পুরোটা না বললে শান্তি হচ্ছেনা। আহা, ভিক্টোরিয়া আমি নই, আমার পরম শ্রধ্যেয় মাতৃদেবী, আর অপুর কথা মানে আমার কাছে আদেশ, অমান্য করলেই তিনি নিজে সক্কাল সক্কাল আমার বাড়িতে এসে হাজির হবেন নাটক শোনাতে, সেটা বেশ বিরক্তিকর ব্যাপার। অতএব…

আমি বেশ সেজেগুজে…হ্যাঁ আমি সাজতে ভালোবাসি, নীল রঙের জামার সাথে, পিঙ্ক রঙের নেলপালিশ সুতপা মেনেজ করতে পারে, আমি পারি না। তো যা বলছিলাম, আমি বেশ সেজেগুজে, যতটা কলেজের জন্যে করা যায় আর কি, হাজির হলাম সেক্সপিয়ারের আসরে, সকাল দশটা, আমি স্টেশন পেরিয়ে সাইকেল নিয়ে, পিছনের কেরিয়ারে ব্যাগ আটকে চলেছি গঙ্গার ধারে।

অপু আগেই পৌঁছে গেছিলো, আমাকে জীবনের চরমতম আশ্চর্য করে ওর বিখ্যাত সবুজ রঙের বারমুডা আর তার উপরে গাড়ীর ছোপ ছোপ বারমুডা পড়ে। জীবনে খুব কমই অবাক হয়েছি, যে কয়েকবার হয়েছি, তার মধ্যে এটা একটা! আমি বললাম, তুই এটা পড়ে কলেজ যেতিস? অম্লানবদনে জবাব এলো, এক্কেবারে খেয়াল করিনি গুরু, আজ বাবা আমায় পেদিয়ে পোদ্দার করে দেবে। দুর্ভাগ্যবশত, ওর পদবি পোদ্দার!

দুর্ভাগ্য কিন্তু অপুর সঙ্গ সঙ্গেই ছিল। আসা যাক সেই গল্পে, আহা ভাবনা তো একটা জ্যান্ত প্রাণী নাকি! সেও তো আমারই মতন চলতে ফিরতে পারে! আমার দাদার বিয়ে, অবধারিতভাবে অনিমন্ত্রিত কাঁঠালি কলা অপু। সে তার কাঁঠালি কলা সঙ্গে নিয়ে, আহা সত্যিকারের কলার কথাই বলছি, তিন দিন আগে থেকে আমার বাড়িতে। আমার দাদার প্রেম করে বিয়ে, সেটাকে লিখিত ভাষায় অন্য কিছু বলে কি না জানি না, অতএব আমি বউদিকে চিনি ভালো করে, সেও আমাকে চেনে, (বিয়ের পড়ে হাড়ে হাড়ে চেনার কথা! সেটা তিনি ভালো করেই চিনেছেন আশা করি!), আর আমার সঙ্গে আমার স্যাঙ্গাৎ অপুকেও চেনেন।

তিনদিন আগে থেকে আমার বাড়িতে অপু এসে গেলেন দু-কাঁদি কাঁঠালি কলা নিয়ে, কাজের সময় খেতে ভুলে গেলে সবাই কলা দিয়ে যেন ম্যানেজ করতে পারে! অদ্ভুত লজিক। আমার বিজ্ঞ বিজ্ঞ দাদাটি এইসব দেখে এই মারে কি সেই মারে! সে আর কিছু করার নেই, আমার অপু, আমারই দোসর…তাহার বুদ্ধি, চিন্তা ভাবনা বৃহস্পতি গ্রহ থেকে আসিলেও সেটাকে সমর্থন করা আমার আমাশা হওয়ার পরে পটি যাওয়ার থেকেও বেশি দরকারি। অবশ্য মা কিন্তু দারুন আনন্দ পেয়েছিল। আমার কথা ছেড়েই দিলাম! টবে সমস্যাটা ছিল অন্য, কুকুরছানা যেমন তাহার মাতৃদেবী ছাড়া বাঁচে না, যেমতি ব্যাঙ্গাচি জল ছাড়া মৃত, তেমতি, একঘর লোকের সামনে আমার বেস্ট ফ্রেন্ড, গত এগারোটি বছর ধরিয়া (ঠিক আছে, ধরলাম বারমুডাটি’র বয়স চার, তাহলেও…!) তাহার ট্রেডমার্ক সবুজ রঙের বারমুডা আর তার উপরে গাড়ীর ছোপ ছোপ নিয়ে এক্কেবারে বিন্দাস এখানে ফুল লাগানো, ওখানে মাসতুতো দিদিকে নিয়ে পার্লারে নিয়ে যাওয়া, পিসতুতো দাদার ছেলেকে নিয়ে সার্কাসের ক্লাউন হয়া…সব করে গেলো।

আমার একটাই ভয় ছিল, সন্ধ্যেবেলা যেন যা তা, মানে ওই বারমুডাটা পরে না চলে আসে! আসেনি…সন্ধ্যেবেলা, আমি যখন মোটামুটি তিনটে লেয়ারের মেকাপ লাগিয়ে আমার নাভি বের করা লেহেঙ্গাতে তৈরি, সারারাত ব্যয় করে সত্যিকরে ঘুমিয়েছি, যাতে চোখের নীচে একটুও কালো না লাগে, অবশ্য তার আগে মাঝরাত অব্দি সবার সঙ্গে তাল মিলিয়ে নেচেছি, অপুর গ্লাস থেকে একটুখানি মালও খেয়েছি, (সেটা অবশ্যই সবার ঘুমনোর পরে), অপু এলো, আমারই পছন্দ করে দেওয়া সোদপুরের পাঞ্জাবী বাজার থেকে কিনিয়ে দেওয়া ঘিয়ে রঙের পাঞ্জাবী, আর গাড় মেরুন রঙের কাজ করা লাল রঙের ধূতি পড়ে…সত্যি সেদিন আমি জীবনে প্রথমবার ওকে ভালোবেসে ফেলি…!!! আমি ক্ষমা চাইছি, এভাবে সবাইকে বলে ফেলার জন্যে। কিন্তু ভালবাসাটা বেড়ে গেছিলো, সেদিন ওকে আবিষ্কার করার পরে, যখন জানতে পেরেছিলাম… সেদিনও ধুতির নীচে ওর সেই সবুজ বারমুডাটা ছিল, গাড়ীর ছোপ ছোপ…

ও হ্যাঁ, অনেক রাত হল, আমি আর ভাবতে পারছি না… যেটা বলা হয়নি, সেটা হল, আমি সিগারেটের সাথে রাম খাচ্ছিলাম, এটা আপনারা কতটা ভাবতে পারেন জানিনা, বাবা-মা না থাকলে আমি বাড়িতেই আমি খাই! আর আমি খাবো আমার স্বামী সঙ্গে থাকলেও। সে আর আমার বয়ফ্রেন্ড আর নেই, কাল বিয়ে আমার… শুভেচ্ছা দরকার খুব একটা নেই, এগারোটা বছর খুব কম নয়, বাকিটা দেখা যাক…!!!

সৌগত

09.01.2017

pink

In no way I feel women should be given equal rights. It is not a matter of necessity, it is a pure propaganda, for which urban literate people are fighting with each other and those who just don’t bother are facing the same existence crisis every single day. Moreover, the demand for equal right is a goddamn fucking joke. Women already are equal to men. I am talking about the places where this sense of equilibrium is asking for serious oxygen. I meant to say it has appealed to the literate and urban generation only. In city, we have enough time to think and distinguish things as per our own wish. Whatever you say right, most of the time I find it wrong. That’s the clash. Black & white, Urban & rural, men-women…who does fucking care except their own bread? Who has to earn his own bread, he knows the value of it, who eats bread earned by someone else, gets time to create turbulence among society. And there the concept of Pink comes.

The moment girls try to come out of their own color and get missed with guys, guys think they are giving ‘hints’, they starts thinking whatever they want can do with a girl, though there is strong laws and enforcements against that. Then why? Even quite aware of strong laws and probable enforcements, still why there are many cases of Rapes, Molestation etc are increasing day by day? Here the subtle statement comes. It’s kind of arrogance and then a feel of insecurity. It’s that feelings which forces one to show the power to prove superiority. It’s the same show offs which the person used to see it throughout his upbringing between his own mother and father. It is the eternal clash between two different sexes. None writes about the everyday trouble a man faces in his married life, none talks about the urge of having sex is considered max once or twice in a year and still the man is officially not allowed to have sex with other women though it’s a kind of physical requirement. How many books have been written on domestic violence on men? Very little research on this and surprisingly even lesser see the light of publication!

Then? What is the issue? Both of them are somehow molested, terrified and still the system to move on without any prejudice.

No, here is the conflict. That’s the beauty of the movie ‘Pink’. In a scene Mr. AB said “No Means ‘No’, ‘No’ itself is a complete Sentence.”

As conclusive statement, Pink is not a movie on being strong Womanist. It is actually a fantastic movie where one should know the power of the sentence “No” first and then other things. It is wonderfully said, knowing ‘no” is more necessary than understanding ‘yes’.

Debraj

26.09.2016

Gurgaon

pause

It’s been long I actually wrote something. Sometime we prolong our break and sometime we just ponder on work. It’s kind of our psychology. Sometime we nourish our hobbies and sometime we just let things go on as it is. The gap period was like that. I let the life move on of its own without much involving my own self in to it.

I concentrated on job, maintained a harmony of relationships with friends and relatives, tried my best to manage some time for regular exercises, quit smoking for a few good weeks and again didn’t take much time hug it. In these few months, I went to some places like Udaipur, then another trip to Ajmer-Pushkar.

I managed to meet some old friends, had sufficiently enough volume of alcohol of various brands and just let that six months approx time flow like nothing. I didn’t do anything specific but honestly that’s the most satisfying thing. Sometime it really feels good when you actually don’t do anything. This is the time, when you don’t daydream, don’t concentrate much on romanticism, poetry, and don’t find much interest in love making or watching porn.

This is the time when you just don’t bother if speedometer of your car starts crying, you just give bullshit to what your bosses or colleagues talk in your back. You don’t bother to maintain a good health, you don’t ask for a good book to read at leisure, you don’t start a new TV series.

This is the time when you just give damn to some unknown or semi known extra-marital affairs of your very so called near or dear ones and besides, you don’t feel any urge to start one with someone.

It’s just cool, like flowing river, it’s like continuous snowfall without bothering where am I settling may be on top of trees, on stones, on rivers or whatever it is.

And then slowly you start feeling, after so many struggles, after so many real days, you got a real life to live. Then you sleep naked, putting air conditioner on super chilled mode, consume a full 750ml of good wine with ‘n’ numbers of cigarettes, turn left, keeping hands at ninety degree with your body, making a proper ‘F’ where lower hand is managed with your erect dick.

Debraj

22.09.2016

WP 01

I am not sure whether I should write this or not. Yeah, this is a sensitive topic and one shouldn’t discuss on the same. It’s kind of personal thing but I guess, I have already discussed a lot about my personal things here, starting from quitting smoking to masturbation. I have even discussed my definitions of being happy and then some kind of familiar incidents too.

Anyway, coming to the subject, is commitment in relationship is a taboo? I am not sure of it but seems like I feel the same. According to Google, Taboo means a social or religious custom prohibiting or restricting a particular practice or forbidding association with a particular person, place, or thing.

Before I got married, I was in a few relationships, I mean I had a few girlfriends in different phases. Ok, while I was in school, like all other guys, I also had some kind of crush on a girl, which didn’t mature later. We never even spoke more than twice or may be thrice too.

Then in college, while doing engineering, I got involved with a lady, who was actually a friend of one of my friend. It lasted a couple of years. There also it didn’t ripe in to a physical relationships (I meant sex, not kissing). That also didn’t last long after I got a job and started working in a concern. Then for a stop-gap period, I met with another lady, with whom I was in a relationship for a complete year. Yes, this time she was also very serious and I was too but it didn’t last long for some miscommunications which resulted into a complete misunderstandings and an argumentative end. We both decided to move away and have our own life separately. With her, I went to some good places too, away from home, spent a whole day in hotel room, came close to each other but somehow sex didn’t happen. Probably we were in demand of more time or may be being an Indian, we were not that matured like what we read about developed or underdeveloped foreign countries. While in a relationship, we never had any problem with ‘Love’. Love was always in the air, which actually didn’t condencify and there I understood my problem.

My problem is simple, I can’t commit a thing unless it has some result in future. Not necessary that I can see the future, but there must be some way I could see, visualise or I personally don’t believe in continuing a relationship considering it a taboo. I always, say, there is no number in between ‘0’ & ‘100’. Either complete dedication, or there is nothing, which I actually lack. I can’t give my 100% to anything unless I like that thing the most, more than my life too. Yes, it is, and it will probably remain the same till my last breath. Though in professional life, whenever I felt suffocated in a job, I immediately resigned and joined some other company. Sometime this went wrong, but I never cared for that.

Why to drag a thing when you actually lack something? Why to drag a relationship when you know you are not satisfied with it? Why society, parents, friends would have to interfere in your personal choice? Here the point comes. Sometime you know you are not in to it but your counterpart doesn’t feel the same way and there the confusions, contradictions come which mostly lead to some unfortunate, unwanted situations. It happened with me with my girlfriends, even with my wife too. Life is never a very easy thing, life is tough.

I still do not understand, when there is some problem or confusions or better say mismatch in a relationship, then why not to take a call and respect the peace of mind? Solutions could be done by having good discussion, by taking help from third party, could be done by approaching court or by any violent means. Yes, I don’t see anything wrong in this. Where there is something wrong, then all the consequences could be wrong, should definitely be in wrong way. As simple as that. If I am not enjoying my marriage, then there is no other way to say it other than confessing, “I am not happy”.

No, please don’t get me wrong. It’s not my case as of now. Yes, here also I am happily adjusted myself between 0 & 100. Means, I am not 100% happy, but it will be really unfair to say that I am not happy also. So I am happy. I don’t have all the happiness one could get from marriage, but yes, to some extent, I am happy. I have issues, I have problems but still can’t get away from this marriage named thing. I am not sure whether it is kind of fear, social embarrassment or still I have some expectations left from this? I don’t know at all. I don’t know what is happening now, it will keep on happening rest of my life. So same boring story line up every day, every morning, noon, afternoon and night. Whatever is the problem, issues, didn’t get sorted out yet and I am quite sure that in near future also, nothing is going to change. Ok, I am not pointing my finger to someone saying it is his/her fault at all. I am just saying considering all the faults are mine, still why to bear the burden for same old rotten story which gets old day by day and gather more mosses being of no use at all?

Yes, may be, Commitment is a kind of taboo.

Kabir

15.01.2016

Gurgaon

ImageA few days before, Amir Khan, a renowned film artist in India attended a press meets wearing a skirt and a shirt. The incident was such big hit so that the very next day almost all the dailies made it a headline.Image Yesterday, the honorable Supreme Court has given the verdict to consider Transgender as backward class and instructed the government to include ‘transgender’ in place of ‘others’ in every document. It was a long pending issue and one of the most neglected issues. Actually we general people get confused with the idea of being ‘transgender’. We see ‘hijra’, asking for money after a baby takes birth, sometime in train or in bus, may be some time when our car stops at signal, they come most of the time wearing a dress of lady and then with a sharp sound of hand claps make their existence prominent and ask for money. It is believed in India that giving money is good for our future or atleast for our siblings. We, the religiously coward people give them money because we believe they are living a life full of curses and we don’t want to see our children facing the same. According to us, one can’t be blessed with two physical assets. A person having breast can’t have a penis or a vagina-holder should own two boobs too or else it will be considered as curse. I am not sure whether actually we are scared of minimum utilization of resources or it is something of which we are not habituated and so a thing which is out of the box scares us? It’s our superstition to worship a cow having an additional horn, a kid having beard or a Ganpati shaped structure came out of a tree. We believe in polished oval shaped stone more than a person’s existence and that the reason we believe having Manhood and Womanhood is a curse and leveled them as un-natural, abnormal.

ImageIn a country where half of the population starve one time a day, there not having food is not a problem, having multibillion bank balance is not a crime but being physically rich is considered as social crime. We don’t consider them equal at all. In this regard, the verdict given by Supreme Court should be considered as milestone. From now onwards there will be three options in every document where need to mention about gender, male, female and transgender. Transgender were socially present but from now onwards they will get a social status also.

Now acceptance of transgender in census and welcoming them in the main stream of society will raise another form of human being, who may not be not physically but psychologically combination of masculine and feminine characteristics. This sexual ambiguity may be found in fashion, gender identity, sexual identity or sexual lifestyle. The terminology used to describe them is ‘Androgyny’. It’s a state of mind. Androgynies can be said to have the gender identity of both male and female. As I have said before, it is not a physical or biological state of a human being but mental state or better say psychological state of mind. One male may want to wear dress like a female, may like to use accessories of other sex. He may want to do waxing in his hands and legs but may not be interested in changing anatomy. A lady may like to keep her hair short like guys, wear vest in place of brassiere or dress up completely look like a male member. I know people who don’t like to have breasts, beside will not like to have penis also. It’s actually a state of mind. A lot people we find in our society whose voices sound like that of a female but actually they are male. They have a sudden kind of tone which is familiar to female than that of male but physical they have all the biological proof of being a man. There are lot female who grow muscles, dress like a man, behaves like a man but biologically a perfect woman in real.

ImageThere are three points we need to remember while understanding the psychology and if there is any physical aspects of androgyny, i.e.sex, sexual orientation and gender identity. Sex means his biological appearance, i.e. male, female or intersex. Sexual orientation means the preference of sexual partner for having sex. Some may opt for other sex and some may like it in same sex and some people enjoy both the kinds. Even one can be asexual also. The gender means what a person can consider themselves to be a man, woman or androgyny.

Now sexually the diversion is clear, i.e. in short what’s between your legs with determine what is your sex. If you have a penis, then you will be a male and if you don’t, and if you have a vagina, then you will be considered among females. Now if someone has both the symptoms, then the person will be considered as intersex. Now three of these communities have different kind of brains to respond in sexual desire or necessity. Those who being of one sex, likes to enjoy other sex’s habits, mentality, dressing and living are to be considered as androgyny. According to them, like religion, sex is also a forced thing applied at the time of birth. One born as female can like to live like a male too. She also like to dress like a male, like to wear brief in place of panty and simple vest in place of bra. She even like to roam around being bare chested. She may like to smoke like a male or ride bikes like a male, can like to keep a male hair-do too. She can consider herself to be a male without changing any physical appearance. Changing gender is a widely used practice now but androgyny people don’t like to change the gender until they find it severely necessary.

For most of the people, the idea of an androgynous gender identity goes in one ear and out the other, it simply doesn’t register. They see no evidence of it, shows face like never heard of it before, and assume they never will again. So the concept gets rejected as soon as it is articulated. This can’t be empathized enough. Even when the idea is reiterated, the reaction is usually same, it is assumed to be a faulty data. Society at large dictates that gender is binary and androgyne is not one of those two binary genders. They get ready to even accept some people as intersex, but get clueless about androgyny but the examples are available around them in almost every place. People make fun of then and those who are actually androgyny, they get no idea of what is wrong with them and none tells them that nothing is wrong in it and it’s absolutely right.

Even LGBT people tend to assume that a third generation doesn’t exist. Whatever physical symbols you bear, society has already set some norms for that and none can go abide that and this serious force has reached in that level so that even a androgyny people have trouble discovering and affirming their own nature.

From the very childhood, we direct our children to act like whatever physical symbols he/she is carrying. We even teach them some very personal issues too but it is seen that even some transgender people have gone wrong by changing their sex by doing GRS (Genital Resurrection Surgery). They actually didn’t want to change any anatomy at all but would like to live a life being androgyny. We live in a society, where physical appearance is given more importance that physical existence at all.

Aristophanes, speaking in Plato’s Symposium says “Original human nature was not like the present, but different. The sexes were not two, as they are now, but originally three in number; there was man, woman and a union of the two, having a name corresponding to this double nature, which once had a real existence, but is now lost, and the word “Androgynous” is preserved only as a term of reproach”.Image

I appreciate the verdict of Supreme Court in honoring ‘Intersex’ a really needed social status, and in the same way a social revolution, where people will honor a person’s psychological way of living too, is much needed before it becomes too late. Already we have killed a lot people’s mind, before it kills more, lets start raising our voice in protecting those who also want to live a life of their own choice without doing anything artificial but remaining true to themselves.

Debraj

17.04.2014

Mumbai

http://web.archive.org/web/20050615133404/http://www.ifas.org.au/index.cgi?article=content_7&menu=what_is_menu

http://www.ifge.org/

Adam & Eve, the so-called fore-parents of all, is the creator of the human beings as per some old stories. They spent some time together and then had sex or whatever, and then they realized what it means by ‘being happy’ or ‘having pleasure’. Two very simple words, happiness and pleasure, mostly similar meaning but can be extremely opposite if we don’t know the usage of it, both while narrating an incident or let some incidents happen with us.

I had a very good friend during my school days. We used to stay together most of the time during school days, we used to play together, share tiffin or even participate in group games too. Our friendship was intact till he got a girlfriend during his college days. I didn’t like the lady and so being frank, told him on his face. He listened, nodded his head, then turned at me and said politely, “We know each other since we were in kinder garden school but still we didn’t learn how to give space to each other. I will prefer you to shut your fucking mouths from saying anything bad about my girlfriend. You may know me better but I know her better than you”. I could have slapped him or kicked his bloody ass or could have replied him badly but don’t know what happened to me, the word ‘space’ actually stopped me from doing anything. We are together for the last fifteen years, we shared same bed, even socks but still not close enough or may be that space is required in every relationship, a space to breathe, a space to understand each other better, a space to ask for more respect.Image

Famous American writer Mr. Max de Pree said well on this regard. He said, “We need to give each other the space to grow, to be ourselves, to exercise our diversity. We need to give each other space so that we may both give and receive such beautiful things as ideas, openness, dignity, joy, healing, and inclusion”Image

We often forget that though in a relationship, a couple stays very close to each other most of the time, they share bed, time, food everything, still there is some gap remains, that is simply because they are actually two different identities and on any ground it remains firm. Whenever a couple, or any of the couple tries to diminish this space, after some days feels that he/she is not enjoying the relationship like before. It’s some kind of ‘benign’ trap in which over attachments, dependence and trust actually become the reason for feeling suffocated and imprisoned. When feel very close to someone, we feel like having a rights to do something together or acceptance of any comment or words but actually that doesn’t happen. An art lover guy will never like a comment on his artistic skills even if the comment claims to be true, likewise a person who is career oriented will never like a negative comment on this.

We guys have a tendency to show our superiority in any decision making process. We claim to be the most intellectual creature available on earth and on the other side our wife also claim to be the same and she always comes out with some different opinion on anything, may it be watching a movies or even having a drink. Actually it’s not bad in having difference in opinion, but we make the mistake by forcing other to agree on own-made point, resulting confusion, contradiction and then contraction and finally either half-heartedly compromise or cancellation of both the ideas. Even if there is a mutual agreement on doing something together, there also a good healthy relationship may ask for some different way or views while executing the same. This kind of forcing others to reach a common platform comes from some very common relationship crisis ideologies, like possessiveness, clinginess and last but most importantly jealousy. Over possessiveness can even destroy a relationship. I love a bird doesn’t mean that a bird will have to stop flying as I can’t fly and I don’t want it to leave me. A few days the bird will adjust or compromise but in long run, he will feel imprisoned or suffocated. The moment he will feel suffocated, the next moment he will start wandering how to get rid of this love and as idle brain is devil’s nest, he will surely find out some ways to fly away forever. Another feeling works in any relationship is that, Jealousy. Like being a lover, he/she doesn’t have any problem in the bird’s flying habit but problem is that he/she doesn’t want him to be seen by some other with a lack of confidence. It’s a belief that my thing can’t be shared or spared for any god damn good reasons on the earth.Image

Too much understanding also causes misunderstanding like; sometime we think that if I say this to him/her, he/she may get hurt. We keep our mouth shut. I have used an example in my blog https://dreamzpassions.wordpress.com/2014/04/14/why-do-man-lie-to-woman/ . Time and again, I am repeating the same thing, i.e. over-dependence is fun, but it’s for a few days. After those initial days, it’s like living in an aquarium after having a luxurious life in a huge lake. But if it is handled with more optimism and more professional way, then probably a couple can have good discussions on professional things without a fear of getting criticized. They can plan for a holiday without having a fear of what other will think or how the idea will be accepted at all. A major problem in over-depending relationship is actually you hesitate to discuss something or anything. It’s like either it’s understood or can be avoided and after a few days it turns in to blame game. Then every issue, whatever was once considered as ‘understood or can be avoided’ if found went wrong, then people tend to put the blame on others and make it an issue stating whatever he/she did, did out of courtesy or due to the lovely bond they share. And there the shit happens. ‘Love’ gets compromised for ‘love’. Ego gets compromised for ego and the dependence theory gets a real bad nod.

I know a few friends, whose wives even keep check of their mail ids, social networking sites. Sometime they even communicate with a few unwanted people using the same mail id bringing a lot confusions and contradictions. One of my cousin brothers once told me a story on how he left the idea of being a photographer. Photography was his passion and he was more in to this than his profession also. So whenever he got time, he used to take his camera & tripod stand for a day’s tour to some places where he can actually take some good snaps. His wife got irritated by seeing him doing the same day by day but not for once, she took interest in photography. Neither my brother forced her to do so, nor she took interest in it but started keeping track of her husband’s each and every move. One day while she was secretly checking her husband’s mail, found a lady model wrote a long love letter to him. She immediately took the mobile and called her husband, misconceptions, and arguments and finally resulted in ending up the passion for photography as being in a marriage means being legally bound to whatever your family demands from you in India. Either accept it or declare war, in which you will never win.

We don’t understand that what we are today, only because of those people who were and still are around us. We don’t understand that little bit of each of them took part in the process of making us. They are important because we are important and as we are important, so ignoring their importance will be a real stupid act.Image

Small issues, big bindings and super huge responsibilities actually frustrate a relationship. People become suffocated. They do sex, make love every night but lack the warmth, the main TRP of any relationship. Without warmth, without the understanding mentality of ‘sharing healthy & valuable space’, a relationship becomes lifeless, charmless and ultimately valueless. Let’s start identifying such situations before it becomes too late. Let’s breathe happily & enjoy life while sharing good space in a relationship and make valueless relationships, a priceless one

Sougata

14.04.2014

Mumbai