Posts Tagged ‘Marriage’

pink

In no way I feel women should be given equal rights. It is not a matter of necessity, it is a pure propaganda, for which urban literate people are fighting with each other and those who just don’t bother are facing the same existence crisis every single day. Moreover, the demand for equal right is a goddamn fucking joke. Women already are equal to men. I am talking about the places where this sense of equilibrium is asking for serious oxygen. I meant to say it has appealed to the literate and urban generation only. In city, we have enough time to think and distinguish things as per our own wish. Whatever you say right, most of the time I find it wrong. That’s the clash. Black & white, Urban & rural, men-women…who does fucking care except their own bread? Who has to earn his own bread, he knows the value of it, who eats bread earned by someone else, gets time to create turbulence among society. And there the concept of Pink comes.

The moment girls try to come out of their own color and get missed with guys, guys think they are giving ‘hints’, they starts thinking whatever they want can do with a girl, though there is strong laws and enforcements against that. Then why? Even quite aware of strong laws and probable enforcements, still why there are many cases of Rapes, Molestation etc are increasing day by day? Here the subtle statement comes. It’s kind of arrogance and then a feel of insecurity. It’s that feelings which forces one to show the power to prove superiority. It’s the same show offs which the person used to see it throughout his upbringing between his own mother and father. It is the eternal clash between two different sexes. None writes about the everyday trouble a man faces in his married life, none talks about the urge of having sex is considered max once or twice in a year and still the man is officially not allowed to have sex with other women though it’s a kind of physical requirement. How many books have been written on domestic violence on men? Very little research on this and surprisingly even lesser see the light of publication!

Then? What is the issue? Both of them are somehow molested, terrified and still the system to move on without any prejudice.

No, here is the conflict. That’s the beauty of the movie ‘Pink’. In a scene Mr. AB said “No Means ‘No’, ‘No’ itself is a complete Sentence.”

As conclusive statement, Pink is not a movie on being strong Womanist. It is actually a fantastic movie where one should know the power of the sentence “No” first and then other things. It is wonderfully said, knowing ‘no” is more necessary than understanding ‘yes’.

Debraj

26.09.2016

Gurgaon

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It’s been long I actually wrote something. Sometime we prolong our break and sometime we just ponder on work. It’s kind of our psychology. Sometime we nourish our hobbies and sometime we just let things go on as it is. The gap period was like that. I let the life move on of its own without much involving my own self in to it.

I concentrated on job, maintained a harmony of relationships with friends and relatives, tried my best to manage some time for regular exercises, quit smoking for a few good weeks and again didn’t take much time hug it. In these few months, I went to some places like Udaipur, then another trip to Ajmer-Pushkar.

I managed to meet some old friends, had sufficiently enough volume of alcohol of various brands and just let that six months approx time flow like nothing. I didn’t do anything specific but honestly that’s the most satisfying thing. Sometime it really feels good when you actually don’t do anything. This is the time, when you don’t daydream, don’t concentrate much on romanticism, poetry, and don’t find much interest in love making or watching porn.

This is the time when you just don’t bother if speedometer of your car starts crying, you just give bullshit to what your bosses or colleagues talk in your back. You don’t bother to maintain a good health, you don’t ask for a good book to read at leisure, you don’t start a new TV series.

This is the time when you just give damn to some unknown or semi known extra-marital affairs of your very so called near or dear ones and besides, you don’t feel any urge to start one with someone.

It’s just cool, like flowing river, it’s like continuous snowfall without bothering where am I settling may be on top of trees, on stones, on rivers or whatever it is.

And then slowly you start feeling, after so many struggles, after so many real days, you got a real life to live. Then you sleep naked, putting air conditioner on super chilled mode, consume a full 750ml of good wine with ‘n’ numbers of cigarettes, turn left, keeping hands at ninety degree with your body, making a proper ‘F’ where lower hand is managed with your erect dick.

Debraj

22.09.2016

Why do men lie to women’ is really a tricky subject to write on. During the process of writing on such a sensitive issue when I am also facing the same problem while having conversation with my wife, I talked with a lot of my male friends and tried to understand what actually goes on in their mind while talking on something or anything with their woman. What happens to a man whenever they talk with their woman that forces them to lie on any issue? I even tried to understand is there any basic gender biased non-understandable myth behind this or actually it’s in our gene or blood to do it deliberately.

A few days before, while watching a cricket match, my wife offered me to have some pizza in dinner and I immediately agreed without any conditions though actually I don’t like having Pizza as it contains too much of cheese and too heavy piece of bread. A pizza is a food that contains too much of carbohydrate and fat but very less in terms of calcium and protein. May be that’s my own understanding but I feel in that way only because I don’t like the taste and for me it’s neither too heavy for a meal nor too light as snacks. But just to avoid it in details as I already knew that when my wife has decided to have it as she craves for Pizza, it’s my legal duty to accompany her. She doesn’t like to have Indian foods all the time in dinner but agreed to compromise on the ground of unavailability of her desired food and so in that case, it was my turn to accept some Italian food on the menu. My wife also knew that though I didn’t like the idea of having Pizza at night, still agreed just to avoid confusion but that ‘happily agreed’ face of mine didn’t satisfy her and so she asked me once again about the choice of food whether I am saying it by heart and at that time also I repeated the same stating I would love to have pizza and continued to watch the cricket match. Now the fact is that I lied. And the question is ‘why?’Image

Ok, let’s make some confessions or may be assumptions. It’s possible that one or more points from the below will stand as a reason for lying or maybe there is some possibilities of getting some untold reasons. So, coolly and confidently, let’s type it down

  1. I love her a lot and so agreed to sacrifice
  2. I am too adamant to agree with something she says but quite friendly to compromise.
  3. I don’t like a long discussion on something very petty.
  4. I actually avoid discussions as I also don’t know why don’t I like a thing
  5. I agree to expect the same when my times come
  6. Lack of confidence in myself
  7. Don’t feel comfortable or confident while talking with her
  8. As she always likes to be accepted, so you adjust

I am still not which one of the above can be considered as true or may be all of them are true while it comes about lying on something. May be the root is somewhere else, maybe there is some communication gap in between me and my wife or maybe it’s a fear of getting criticized for some ‘could have been avoided’ issues. Ok, lets start from somewhere, where there is no wife-husband relationship. Men lie even with their sisters, ladies office colleagues too. Let’s for once, get in to a little deeper in to that.

From very childhood, they have to face a lot pressures for being a boy. They have to act in different roles of life like being brother to a sister, son to a mom, caring boyfriend to his girlfriend, and lovely husband to his wife, dad to his daughter and in many other forms. In each and every form, they are considered as principal object to take care of the secondary object. Like a brother should have to maintain good harmony with his sister and it is assumed that as he is a guy, he will have to shine better than his sister. As he is a boy, he will have to be physically strong to protect his sister from any trouble or from any bad people around in the society. If he is having a younger sister, then the service shouldn’t be limited to only being brother but he must have to act like a father also. Acting like father or brother or both also don’t solve the issue. He will have to be a friend to his sister. If by any chance if there is a slight fall (whatever may be the reason, internal or external), none will give him a chance to restart an event. He should have to be as powerful as Hercules, as good personality as Robert De’Niro, as loving as Romio, as good as Jesus Christ. Every time being under scanner makes him strong enough to fight back in any situation and in that way if situation demands lying, he doesn’t even give a damn to it. They will have to do whatever they don’t like. As they don’t like tears in girls eyes, so he will have to always face the same may it be of his sister’s, mother’s, girlfriend’s or wife’s. Every time, a guy has to deal with a lot things that they don’t even like.Image

Yes, we guys get confused too also very often or get misguided. One for an example, one of my friends got married to a lady who was a bombshell in her school days, as well as during her college days also. My friend was just bowled by seeing her and immediately after seeing her, proposed. He was then working in a good MNC and was from a good rich family background. The girl took a little time to accept but ultimately accepted her proposal and they got married. After marriage, he wanted his wife to remain as sexy as before and insisted to wear those lovely dresses she used to wear. After initial blockage, she ultimately opened her college day’s wardrobe and started wearing those. Within a week or two, my friend understood accepting the guys stare at his wife’s assets was not his cup of tea but his wife was quite enjoying her outfit. He failed to tell her and kept his silence being unhappy. Okay, I do agree, he was may be orthodox kinda and I am not here to judge his mental condition or whatever he was. I am just saying, he is still lying, though he knows the reason for his lie, still he can’t change his words. May be its some kind of ego, may be something else. If he says something, he will not remain as lovely, supportive, modern, educated, smart husband.

It’s all about acting smart, working smart and remaining smart being the most important silent member, brings a lot pressures on men. Male are known as physically stronger than female but none says that they are weaker than female when it comes to emotions.

They can’t cry, they can’t quarrel, they can’t have a choice on most of the things, and then how do we expect them to say the truth always? They don’t lie at all, but actually, they bypass the truth to remain happy, bring happiness in a family, society. Let’s say thanks to their habit of lying first before criticizing it. Please let us accept that they don’t lie for their own happiness only, but to maintain a peace in everything.

And though my words seem like I am actually supporting the idea of lying but I am not. I am only accepting the truth that, Everyone lies, it’s a human nature of living in a society, in a family but no one gender is more or less habitually a ‘liar’.

After all the discussions and points I have mentioned above, I would like to draw a conclusion, i.e. it’s not Men, even Women lies a lot. Difference is, when a woman lies, it is considered as ‘compromise’ or ‘adjust’ and the same is treated as ‘fault’ when it comes to a man.

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Debraj

14.04.2014

Mumbai

There is a book named “men are from Mars and Women are from Venus”, a must read book. Those who didn’t read yet, please make your time to read it once but remember, this book is though claimed to be for all ages but I will prefer reader to be married to understand it better. In my last attempt of analyzing some situations in a family, I tried to conclude things as a happy ending and its bliss to see happiness at the end.

Now let’s look at the following situations:

Situation # 01: Wife decided to go for a vacation with her old friends and fortunately all of them are ladies. They planned it one year before but finalized a month before the trip. Your wife informs you after the ticket is booked and you return home after a busy day in office. Though you were nowhere involved in the planning but still you had a guess of the thing by listening some words while she talks with her mates. You kept your silence and didn’t ask her about what was going on. She fixes the plan and declares; I mean informs you with a kiss and a tight hug just after you return from office. You show your face like clueless but control the anger and show your teeth to make her feel happy and well connected.     You two have your dinner together and enjoy a good post dinner sex. You keep in mind the incident and the incident is, she plans for a trip with her friends, fixes it and informs you at the twelfth hour without having a feel of keeping you in the loop.

Situation # 02: you feel confused of your own desire. You seem like confused of what to do? You feel happy of spending some time without having your wife around or show temper for not taking permission from you in time and force her to cancel the trip or just give her warning of not doing the same, just tell her, go this time but next time onwards it must be finalized after an on table discussion only. You decide to let it go. Again as usual, after office hours, you reach your home and find her sitting with her own psychological ornaments, i.e. emotional blackmailing list. She tells you that she doesn’t want to go. She will miss you a lot and she insists you to say the same words as she is interested to hear those to feel happy. Initially you don’t understand but very soon you realize that and to get rid of such botheration, you say those words and with a smile, she appreciates and vanishes for two days to enjoy with friends.Image

Situation # 03: You stupid moron, still confused of what to do and how to react, call some friends and office colleagues for an Alcohol Party and knowing none will rebuke you at night and more importantly you need not to be in sense so that can keep your dick hard during intercourse, drink a lot, sing with friends, dance on the dance floor, force people to acknowledge your dancing skills to end the drama. After getting in to the car, which your friend owns, you find your mobile screen is showing 22 missed calls from your wife. That small information is enough to bring you back to senses. You call her immediately forgetting the time then. She picks the phone up and then only you notice that though your brain is responding properly but no other body parts is responding to your command. Somehow you manage to say good night and promise her to call the next day morning. You reach home with a tension of facing her words over the phone and compare it with facing a tiger in any forest and though being drunk, find the second option much better.

Situation # 04: the next day you plan to watch some porn and strictly say no to drinking ever in your life. In the morning, a long twenty minutes lecture was enough to bring you back from any kind of sweet hang over but actually found yourself like handed over. Anyway, you attend office and collect some porn films of foreign starts and obviously of some Desi stars. After watching it for almost one hour, you get bore and for the last time convince yourself to make a small drink. You take out some chicken leg piece from the fridge and spend almost half an hour to make a proper side dish to have a proper drink. You again start watching porn and find yourself much comfortable enjoying it with drinks. In between the porn, suddenly you get a call from your wife and pick that up without minimizing the volume of TV, to which she asks you about the erotic sound, and you manage it by saying some bullshits. She says that she misses you a lot. Though she visited almost everywhere in the place but didn’t find the happiness at all. You tired of listening such, take out your hand from inside the boxer and open the drawer to take out the head phone. You listen to her emotional treatment for more than twenty minutes and try to respond almost anything to everything. When she finishes talking with you after exchanging ‘I love you’ much more times than actually you two feel the same at heart, you find your chicken became chilled and chilled drinks tastes like hot coffee.

Situation # 05: you realize, you don’t have any other option except enjoying the current status of ‘being married’. Someone makes fun of you by adding another word in between these two words,  i.e. ‘happily’.

Debraj

07.04.2014

Mumbai

I got married a few months before and the total twelve month period including six months of premarital phase and now the ongoing six months post marital phase. This is a tough side of our life when suddenly your own world becomes a sharing basis. After getting committed, still you get some chances for your own, still you can take some of your own decision but once you got married, there is nothing called ‘personal’ and if you are very much in to maintaining that, then you are actually screwing your own life. Marriage changes a person’s life completely and funny part is that, that evening, you got married and just after your marriage, it’s not even a single day or single hour you get to settle down but you got a burden of your life, i.e. you are married now. Yes, I used the word, Burden. Please don’t take it negatively. Here burden means you are now not a single entity but a double. You are now accompanied with much responsibilities, love, care, and appreciation, affection which will bring you much more happiness, joyous moments and somehow pains too. Yes, all of a sudden all these things will ponder on you and you don’t have any getaway.

Most funny thing about marriage is there are no just you anymore. Now you have to make two cups of tea whenever you make it, you have to buy two movie tickets, shop for two people. You can’t even wear your oldest torn jeans even if you like it a lot, if your counterpart doesn’t approve wearing it. There was a funny example once I read in one of the best-selling novel written in Bengali. There it was written about a couple who dated each other for almost seven years and then only got married to each other happily after so many ups and downs in their relationship. They got married and people whoever came to the reception party enjoyed their food, wished them luck and went away. Then the couple was given an awesome room and well decorated bed to sleep and enjoy the most memorable night of their life. The first problem they faced was, the girl never slept without a mosquito net and the guy can’t breathe inside a mosquito net. They initially ignored the issue and the girl compromised to sleep without any mosquito net. They had sex four times in that night and then decided to sleep the rest of the night. The guy immediately fell asleep and the girl spent her first post marriage night sleepless.  The very next day she told the incident to her husband and in reply she got a big sound of laugh. The same thing, i.e. sleepless night continued for another couple of days and then the guy realized the pain the girl was having. Then he decided to take the turn of compromise. That night they slept under mosquito net and though the guy didn’t spend a sleepless night but somehow it was a disturbed sleep. That’s marriage. Compromising with everything, either both of you will have to compromise, adjust or one of you will have to suffer. That suffering slowly becomes a practice.

Our parents adjusted in their life, we are adjusting and our siblings will do the same too and there is not run away from this fact, still we get married and pose happily infront of lens.

I was never a fan of watching television in my leisure time but was into writing blogs, or painting or doing poetry. After getting married, I found my wife started watching TV almost all the time in leisure. I also started doing the same and now I also have some fixed programs to watch. I eagerly wait for the time for some specific programs and any disturbances in the channel makes me feel bad or tensed. As a result I have stopped painting, stopped poetry and stopped entertaining those followers who used to love my writings a lot.

Marriage is a change of lifestyle. I can’t get drunk on weekends. Now a days, I don’t drink much and almost stopped smoking. Even some time when I go partying with my childhood friends or office colleagues, then also I have to keep in mind that my wife is waiting for me at home and she will not like me to see that much drunk so that I can’t stand on my own feet. I have never woke up early in the morning on holidays but now I wake up before my wife wakes up on holidays, the reason is she gives me bed tea on every week days and a holiday is a only day when I can return the favor a little bit and say thank you without even uttering a single word. I used to go for trekking but my wife is a little obese and so she can’t go for such a trek trip. We carefully adjust our trips for sea beach or some other places where the purposes, having a trip and enjoying together are served.

Don’t get married if you think masturbation is a thing that you enjoy more than having a passionate sex. Don’t get married if you are friendlier with sex-workers than your own girlfriend, who will be your wife in future. Life is not about doing right things always but sometime it’s about how much love you can give in reply to how much you are getting. Study says married people live longer than unmarried. It even says married people earn better, look more attractive, but I will say, even any married people will agree with me, though there are a lot ups and downs in a relationship, even in between a married couple too, sometime it forces to think marriage as a trap too, still I can proudly say, I am happy being married. Probably only in ten percent times, my view matches with my wife’s, in most of the cases our choices are different; we don’t have much similarities in our behavior and interests too, we came from two completely different family background and poses different professional aims too, still we enjoy spending time together, plan together, eat together and on any holidays, bathe together. I feel sorry when we fight and don’t talk, she also feels the same.

Yeas my dear friend, Marriage is a trap; I will suggest, get trapped and enjoy marriage.

Sougata

1Image3.01.2014