Posts Tagged ‘happiness’

Kabir immediately picked up the mobile and typed a text message, ‘hope you are safe and nothing happened due to that horrible incident in Kolkata’…then a long pause, holding the send button! He was not sure whether to send the message or not? He broke up with Manasi long four years back and since then they never exchanged any word except once, when he sent a message in Facebook, that also after long 3years of that break up. Nope, that experience was not good though. Kabir wrote a few lines in Facebook messenger and finally after one or two days later, got a very strong reply disguised in instruction that, ‘don’t message me or disturb me’.

Kabir still couldn’t remember what actually happened to him, he knew that he will get such kind of reply but still he tried, he even said sorry too though he still doesn’t have any idea of why he would have to say sorry? He didn’t broke up with Manasi, neither Manasi also broke up with him. There were a few tensions, misunderstandings, family drama and conflict of interest, things didn’t go well and so they ended up with a break up. Break up means they stopped being with each other, spending time together or even stopped being in talking terms. It’s like, suddenly a kind of decision and then forgetting whatever good times they had spent once. Kabir sometime wonder, what kind of relationship was that? Though he was the one who pointed out the negative things of that relationship first, still he never knew that their relationship doesn’t deserve a little bit respect when it is over, even then when he himself didn’t mind to say sorry, number of times.

Anyway, a flyover collapsed on Vivekananda Road. The first thing came in Kabir’s mind was simple, Manasi used to stay near there. She used to take that route while going for her tuition or while returning from there. After fighting a lot with his own conscience, he finally took the mobile and typed a message and was in confusion, whether to send or not. He was really worried but he couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t even ask, or send a text message. Actually he was well aware that he will not get any reply, even if he gets, it would not be a nice one.

When did heart listened to brain? Finally Kabir pressed the send button, “hope nothing happened to you in that mishap. I will be really grateful if you could reply with atleast a letter” and then eternal wait. No reply came in next five minutes, not even in ten minutes. Kabir was in a meeting with his CEO and he was the one who was giving the power-point presentation. People from investors, bankers were very much curious about his presentation. He was also very much in to that, until the reply came, a small vibration in pocket, he took out the phone, Manasi replied, “it is very much annoying to receive a message from you. It will be really helpful if you could stop sending me messages or any other way to communicate with me. I am married and let me be happy in my life”. Kabir read the whole thing, the way Manasi replied was not good in anyway but he was happy. Kabir didn’t ask for any favour, he didn’t even requested Manasi to keep in touch or again fall in love with him. He actually didn’t ask for anything. He was just curious, he was panicked and then he was happy to know nothing happened to Manasi. Kabir himself is a married person, so there was no point getting upset knowing Manasi also got married.

Kabir typed a reply, everybody in the meeting room was looking at him, waiting for him to continue with the presentation, but Kabir was busy with the keyboard of mobile, he typed thrice, deleted twice and finally replied, “Thanks….Be happy” and turned his head towards the presentation.

 

Kabir

31.03.2016

Gurgaon

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WP 1A couple of days before, while cleaning up my room on weekend, after a booze party on Friday night at my place, I got some papers in my room, kind of torn pages from a diary or journal. There was not a single good words written there about me. Yes after working hard in office, spending good enough time at home, managing all the financial needs, buying new stuffs whenever required, dealing with familiar tensions, I was actually having a mind-set that I am doing good. I even gave myself 9 out of 10 in everything. I didn’t show my anger to anyone, I accepted my personal discomfort when I had to support my family, but there was not a single good words written there about me. Yes, after reading those, the whole day I spent in understanding what went wrong and what fault I made. Yeah, I got a few. I understood a few things I ignored considering it would not be noticed but it was noticed and noted down. All of a sudden I started feeling very low. It felt like I failed in an exam though I tried my level best.

WP 2Some negative thoughts also came in my mind like I must not do any more good things. I would have to ask the writer about the false blames, but slowly after spending a whole day with myself, after writing out a small poem, after watching India-Sri Lanka cricket match, I regained my mental spirit and decided not to live in any kind of negativities around me. I made a few rules, regulations for myself to follow. I don’t know how much my readers will connect with this but atleast it made me feel happy, made me strong enough to move on.

  1. Never get in to an argument which has no ending
  2. Never listen what other people say about you
  3. You didn’t take birth in a day and that was also not in your control. Handling any situation demands time and be wise to allot that
  4. Nothing comes for free, not even social service. You get tax exemption, happiness and sometimes a bit fame too
  5. Those who doesn’t have enough work or those who have never achieved anything in their life of their own, are the front runner in criticism business, avoid them
  6. Nurture hobbies, don’t make yourself so busy so that you don’t get time for what you actually enjoy
  7. Don’t keep grudge on anything or anyone, immediately react but don’t drag that far
  8. Enjoy companies of friends, but remember, if you enjoy, then only or else not necessary to get surrounded by people
  9. Exercise without fail. Alarm clock should not wake you up, but your passion should
  10. What is right is always right and what is wrong is always wrong. No need to live with something wrong hoping it will be right someday. It will never be
  11. Study even when you are earning good because studies keep you updated with things and works as natural brain refresher
  12. Attend calls, send mails, chat with people but avoid expecting anything
  13. Save money, save more than you could. Make savings a habit more important than earning also
  14. Enjoy every second. The moment you are dull, you must be sure very soon your surroundings would be dull and you would land in to a soup, middle of nowhere
  15. You can’t change anyone, so don’t try. Yes remember, you also don’t change yourself for anyone. You are fine, good enough
  16. Apart from all the above the things, do some meditation every day and walk for atleast 10,000 steps

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Debraj

15.02.2016

Gurgaon

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I am not sure whether I should write this or not. Yeah, this is a sensitive topic and one shouldn’t discuss on the same. It’s kind of personal thing but I guess, I have already discussed a lot about my personal things here, starting from quitting smoking to masturbation. I have even discussed my definitions of being happy and then some kind of familiar incidents too.

Anyway, coming to the subject, is commitment in relationship is a taboo? I am not sure of it but seems like I feel the same. According to Google, Taboo means a social or religious custom prohibiting or restricting a particular practice or forbidding association with a particular person, place, or thing.

Before I got married, I was in a few relationships, I mean I had a few girlfriends in different phases. Ok, while I was in school, like all other guys, I also had some kind of crush on a girl, which didn’t mature later. We never even spoke more than twice or may be thrice too.

Then in college, while doing engineering, I got involved with a lady, who was actually a friend of one of my friend. It lasted a couple of years. There also it didn’t ripe in to a physical relationships (I meant sex, not kissing). That also didn’t last long after I got a job and started working in a concern. Then for a stop-gap period, I met with another lady, with whom I was in a relationship for a complete year. Yes, this time she was also very serious and I was too but it didn’t last long for some miscommunications which resulted into a complete misunderstandings and an argumentative end. We both decided to move away and have our own life separately. With her, I went to some good places too, away from home, spent a whole day in hotel room, came close to each other but somehow sex didn’t happen. Probably we were in demand of more time or may be being an Indian, we were not that matured like what we read about developed or underdeveloped foreign countries. While in a relationship, we never had any problem with ‘Love’. Love was always in the air, which actually didn’t condencify and there I understood my problem.

My problem is simple, I can’t commit a thing unless it has some result in future. Not necessary that I can see the future, but there must be some way I could see, visualise or I personally don’t believe in continuing a relationship considering it a taboo. I always, say, there is no number in between ‘0’ & ‘100’. Either complete dedication, or there is nothing, which I actually lack. I can’t give my 100% to anything unless I like that thing the most, more than my life too. Yes, it is, and it will probably remain the same till my last breath. Though in professional life, whenever I felt suffocated in a job, I immediately resigned and joined some other company. Sometime this went wrong, but I never cared for that.

Why to drag a thing when you actually lack something? Why to drag a relationship when you know you are not satisfied with it? Why society, parents, friends would have to interfere in your personal choice? Here the point comes. Sometime you know you are not in to it but your counterpart doesn’t feel the same way and there the confusions, contradictions come which mostly lead to some unfortunate, unwanted situations. It happened with me with my girlfriends, even with my wife too. Life is never a very easy thing, life is tough.

I still do not understand, when there is some problem or confusions or better say mismatch in a relationship, then why not to take a call and respect the peace of mind? Solutions could be done by having good discussion, by taking help from third party, could be done by approaching court or by any violent means. Yes, I don’t see anything wrong in this. Where there is something wrong, then all the consequences could be wrong, should definitely be in wrong way. As simple as that. If I am not enjoying my marriage, then there is no other way to say it other than confessing, “I am not happy”.

No, please don’t get me wrong. It’s not my case as of now. Yes, here also I am happily adjusted myself between 0 & 100. Means, I am not 100% happy, but it will be really unfair to say that I am not happy also. So I am happy. I don’t have all the happiness one could get from marriage, but yes, to some extent, I am happy. I have issues, I have problems but still can’t get away from this marriage named thing. I am not sure whether it is kind of fear, social embarrassment or still I have some expectations left from this? I don’t know at all. I don’t know what is happening now, it will keep on happening rest of my life. So same boring story line up every day, every morning, noon, afternoon and night. Whatever is the problem, issues, didn’t get sorted out yet and I am quite sure that in near future also, nothing is going to change. Ok, I am not pointing my finger to someone saying it is his/her fault at all. I am just saying considering all the faults are mine, still why to bear the burden for same old rotten story which gets old day by day and gather more mosses being of no use at all?

Yes, may be, Commitment is a kind of taboo.

Kabir

15.01.2016

Gurgaon

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Every day I see a lady, an elderly lady wearing pink top and legging jog in the ground. if I reach ground at 5am in the morning, I would find her and she stays till I end up my morning exercises religiously. It has always been tough for me to reach ground on time after a good weekend and now it has become my habit to skip exercises two days in a row, Sunday and then in continuation to that Monday too. It’s been very few times when I broke this self-made rule and presented myself in between soothing nature on a fine Sunday morning and there was no surprise. That lady with pink dress was there, busy with her practices.

I don’t know what is this? Why there is so much dedication in something? What if I bunk a class or take a leave from office? I often do it, though very rare, still I will say it often as I don’t get tired very often but whenever I feel tired, I send a sms to my boss and then call him after sometime before sending him an official leave application mail. At the age of sixty, maybe she is fearing death, or maybe she doesn’t have anything else to do in the morning, probably she lost her aged husband a few years before, maybe her siblings don’t want her around in the morning chores, maybe she feel happy coming in the ground, may be it is a kind of discipline, forceful discipline to stay alive amidst all the crazy situations around us.

I don’t know whether I follow any kind of such discipline. I go office not because I feel bored at home I love my job, it is simply because I get money for working there and that’s the easiest way to earn money. I believe, there is no life without money unless otherwise you are being sponsored by any person or organization. So I go office every day, mostly without any fail. But what could be the motivation for that lady to wake up early in the morning and do exercises in the ground, that also without a single day fail.

After noticing this for almost six months, one fine morning, I decided to talk to her to know her motivation to do so or may be the reason behind it. I was mentally prepared to hear anything nut no, I didn’t had to hear anything painful. She politely narrated me a story while holding a smile always in her face. I am trying to write the story in her words.WP4

Hey you, my son, I am ready to hug my death any day. I am having high blood pressure, thyroid and some other less critical issues which you will find in almost every person of my age. I have problem in my knees since my childhood after I fell from a stool at the age of six only, I could not walk properly. One morning, while playing in my court yard, suddenly a dog chased me and I started trudging with my legs and then suddenly I started running like anything, ooops, no son, nothing of that kind happened in my life. There was no Forrest Gump incidence in my life. Anyway, then my dad took me to a school and I was not doing very well there. One fine morning a close relative of mine came and shouted on me for not doing well in exams. He gave examples of nearby guys who were of my same age and were doing extremely well. That was an eye opener for me. I studied well, better, worked day and night and my hard work was properly compensated by awarding me rank one. Oooops, noting of that kind happened also in my life. I never did well in my exams, never tried also. Okies, my son, I know I am actually confusing you a lot. My simple suggestion to you is, stop following people. One should not have any time to listen other’s shared knowledge but make sure that you got enough experience. Remember what Forrest Gump’s mom said him, ‘Stupid is as stupid does.’ We all are stupid and so let’s not act as high intellectual. None is more disciplined than you, hard worker than you and Hey You, you are the best, believe it, act accordingly.

It was good knowledge for me. I stopped listening to many suggestions, various explanations of religious books and spiritual discussions, rather I started noting down things around me and convert it to an experience, which must enrich me, and I guess we all believe motivation comes automatically.

WP 1Look, different people have different views on anything. A person, who loved wine more than his wife and whiskey more than his mother has stopped drinking. He even stopped smoking too after burning his lungs for almost 12 years. Consider a 10 piece packet a day, he has atleast smoked 12 x 365 x 10 = 43800 nos cigarette. Yes, that person is me. I stopped consuming alcohol, stopped smoking, what is more, I have stopped eating non-vegetarian foods also, and honestly I am feeling happiness around me.

Was I unhappy? Nope. For long years, alcohol gave me company like anything, after breaking up with girlfriends, in social get together, after scoring bad in college, offices, in chilling winter, on top of a mountain after continuous two days of trekking, alcohol and cigarette have taught me how to enjoy life, how to coup yourself with surroundings full of shit. I was happy then and I am happy now also. Actually feeling good.

All my readers are aware that, I was practising Yoga and then some breathing exercises. It demanded me to quit smoking and alcohol. Just to have fun for few days, I stopped everything, just concentrated on the workshop and its curriculums. After completion of the workshop, I myself continued the regime.

Happiness is nothing, it’s just a state of mind. Sometime getting a letter from an old lost friend reminds you how happy you are and sometime a one line statement from a very close friend of yours forces you to rethink calling him a friend anymore. It happens. If one has a physical existence, then surely there will be some tampering, polishing etc. and that also on a regular basis.

I miss all my close friends, I miss my family around me, I miss some good moments in my old organizations, I feel bad when some painful incident reminds me how alone I felt then, I feel bad when I desperately need something but couldn’t get.

Being Happy doesn’t mean one need to be happy, but it is a state of mind, a mental condition and a bold declaration, I am strong enough to handle unhappiness as I know happiness is more important to me, so obviously I will remove ‘un’ from happy and let ‘Happy’ remains with me forever.

Love you all

Sougata

02.09.2015

J 4 Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you are riding through the ruts, don’t complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don’t bury your thoughts; put your vision to reality. Wake Up and Live! – Bob Marley.

J 2This is a very common thing we all deal with our everyday life. Every day, every time we see some trouble in anything, the first thing we do is to think about what to blame or on whom the blame to be put, and when we see something better than what we are having ours, a tiny feel of being jealous arises. We start feeling jealous of the thing, of the person having it and through internet; I have come to know that it’s sudden kind of mind set and which is not good at all. Its a kind of disease, psychological disease. Like many other things, this has also a very important role in killing us slowly, day by day and funnily, we, ourselves has made it an habit of being jealous of almost everything which we see better than us but don’t find a proper root or source of it.

A few days before, the second largest viewership in India Prize went to Indian Soccer League. The main face of the same was Mrs. Nita Ambani, proud wife of one of the top five richest person in the world who is undoubtedly the richest person in India too. The first thing after looking at her face, we start feeling that, whatever show business she is doing is by using good money of her wealthy fatty pocket husband’s money. We assure ourselves that, if i had the money, i could have done the same, or even better, it could have been a flawless show on the earth. But it doesn’t happen and we start feeling low about her. Here we mean people and in the description of people, i am also included, may be not in this specific case but somewhere somehow. We start feeling that the smile she is showing infront of camera is also photoshopped live on the spot. J 5The commanding power she is having on the set or on the ground or on the whole viewers watching the soccer game are completely because of money, no other reason is behind that. We start feeling a less qualified and dignified lady has been chosen by one of the richest person on earth. We start feeling low by thinking what a goddamn luck she is having without any proper and required quality. It’s a kind of act of being jealous. We stop appreciating her, because we keep our self busy in finding flaws of her. We feel her sense of dress is not good, we feel she doesn’t speak good English, we start finding problems in her body language forgetting my own position. Funnily, we waste our own time in watching her flaws than her presence on the screen and the qualities behind that, resulting we stop developing ourselves. People learn by mistakes, i do agree, but mostly by own mistakes, not of other’s.

After seeing Aishwarya Rai, the glamour queen on Bollywood (Hindi Film Industry) getting married to Abhishek Bachchan (another star and most importantly only son of one of the most rated hero Amitabh Bachchan), i also felt very bad. I can’t remember the exact time but to be honest, after that marriage i started feeling myself against Abhishek Bachchan. I started giving importance to the rumours of him being gay, i started feeling good when someone criticises his acting skills and say, “only because of his dad, he is there”. It is a feeling of getting supported by similar minded people but actually its a kind of jealousy. We often keep on telling, he got his home through his in laws in a casual way but in real i am being jealous of his luck.J 6

May be i cant be like Mrs. Nita Ambani, may be i cant be like Abhishek Bachchan, may be i am not ready to accept dowry but through such comments, i let my inner devil come out of my mouth and give pleasure to my heart. It happens with everyone. We all are aware of this disease but the proper cure is unknown. We are more in to enjoying this disease than rectifying it.

Garry Allan said it well, “you can be the moon but still jealous of the stars.” Often we neglect our own calibre of doing better by wasting time by being jealous to someone. It is no more than feeling alone against smiling enemies. It is the fear of getting compared. It is an act of comparing someone’s negative points with our own positive points which unknowingly kills our positive points too. One of my friends said it well. He said, we all praise Einstein’s moustache because it belonged to Einstein.

Achievers pay attention to their all those negative points of them through various sources and then rectify themselves or sometime just ignore. But jealous people keep on criticising things and lose their own time and positive things.

After grand success of Happy New Year, a Bollywood film, once the director Mrs. Farha Khan was asked, though you have broken all the Bollywood collection records, still people are making fun of your direction. They say, Farha is pathetic as a director. She replied coolly, “criticism is an art, be expert of it, you will become Anupama Chopra or else go and watch my movie and let me earn money. Money gives me more happiness than what they get by criticising my movies.” Mrs. Ambani, same applies with you too.

Pic courtesy : Google

Debraj – 24.12.2014J 3

Pic courtesy : Googleebraj – 24.12.2014

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The moment I wake up in the morning, the only terror comes in my mind is not going by ferocious Mumbai Local train, Aviation licensed auto rickshaw drivers but how and why I shall have to spend a whole day in office. Honestly that’s the only tension fills my mind with hopelessness, discourage, all the negative words available to describe a person who actually doesn’t want to work in a scheduled working hours and fixed scheduled routine job without any kind of proper exposure. But one and only good thing of it is it enlightens my pocket on very first week of every month and without any fail and as this is the only way of earning to ensure my daily bread, I don’t have any other options to choose. Actually I am too enthusiastic to generate ideas or perform under good supervision but too lazy to work on it personally. I have read a lot motivational books written by world famous writers, attended a few good seminars, made down charts to follow, threw out procrastination but eating the frog early Imagebut actually in real life where performance determines everything, there remained like a salary holder. It is like living a life like Jack of all, master of none, and only masters live on the bed of money, so clearly I don’t have money, as I don’t have money I don’t have courage to leave a job to stop regular income. As I don’t have money, I don’t have that courage to start something from the beginning using my own brain and creative mind. So I wake up in the morning, brush like someone raped me last night and so can’t stand on my own feet, then take bath, chew breakfast and finally get ready for office wearing all boring clothes, undies and then the most irritating formal leather shoe, which even needs more cream buttering than anything on this earth.

I reach railway station and wait for train, when it comes with another million, billion, may be trillion people practicing for working in circus by leaning from the train due to heavy jam packed passengers inside, I get my energy level boost up, I jump on the board and then like all other people keep on forcing people inside, pressing inside to get a minimum most place required to keep my one feet atleast. Regarding travelling in Mumbai local, I have mentioned in another blog about the whole story. ImageAnyway, frustrated I am, reach the desired station by standing in the queue of it. People automatically force me to get down from the train either by pushing from back or by calling my name along with my parents, yes incredible slangs.

I take an auto from the station which everyday takes two signals, a lot of carbon di-oxide and then drops me at my office. After reaching my office I feel like reaching heaven, chilled everywhere except some hot girls wearing hot colorful dresses and then the security officer welcomes me with a huge smile like I got agreed to marry his daughter, may be wife, anyway and reminds me one thing, sir, you are one of those few persons whom people call boss. So behave like a boss. Don’t look at girl’s arm, thigh, or at neck. Don’t even check what they are wearing, just concentrate on your work, behave good, smile well, welcome all, solve the problems, then go out in the evening and meet your wife at home. I feel like saying, fuck off and get a life but then feel what his fault is; actually it’s me who is suffering from all these octopus like professional pressure, personal pressure, from where there is no relief at all for even a single day. And what kind of work to do at office, yes due to specialization during studies, only some specific kinds of jobs to see, become experienced and then senior to have some disciples who actually doesn’t like you a bit but calls you boss with a pinned up smile on face and you feel happy by seeing them and if any of them is a girl, you melt like hot chocolate.

ImageHonestly I don’t like what I am doing right now. Who the hell gave me jobs and a lucrative promise to pay me on every first week, I seriously don’t have any idea. I don’t even know the name of the first person who invented this procedure to keep their employees devoted every day. I can sing sometime, sometime I prefer drawing, can write poems, sometime spend time by writing blogs and short stories and sometime work hard to write a good story, may be novella but at the end of a day, I am a mere salary holder where I am bound to reply for everything I do at office and then at home. From not doing a job in time at professional level to for not feeding aquarium fishes at home in personal level. This is only because I don’t have that tenacity to wake up one fine morning and do something that I love than pulling a cartful of responsibilities, bounding, pressures and that also to meet up a sudden expectation of other people. It’s like my happiness is seeing other people happy. May be those who are around me or those, whose burden I carry happily everyday are also thinking the same and its most possible that to some people, I am also a pack of burden, non-decomposable wastage, sack of show case of responsibility or even worse, of no scrap value item.Image

Actually it’s not only the job, that we hate or to be specific atleast in my blog, I hate, it is actually the urge to live bigger than better that kill me every day. I don’t want a Sunday or a five days week to rest on rest two days but I want to work on every days without but that work should have to me of my choice. I may even like to paint all day long but someone shall have to pay me for that even if that seems like a piece of shit. I know I am talking shit but sometime it’s too much pressure to move ahead, too much troublesome to continue to work as a salary holder and fixed income employee, sometime it feels bad for not having much money to start an initiative of my own choice.

Take care guys. Love you all and yes, thanks for reading.

27.05.2014