Posts Tagged ‘Cosmopolitan’

pink

In no way I feel women should be given equal rights. It is not a matter of necessity, it is a pure propaganda, for which urban literate people are fighting with each other and those who just don’t bother are facing the same existence crisis every single day. Moreover, the demand for equal right is a goddamn fucking joke. Women already are equal to men. I am talking about the places where this sense of equilibrium is asking for serious oxygen. I meant to say it has appealed to the literate and urban generation only. In city, we have enough time to think and distinguish things as per our own wish. Whatever you say right, most of the time I find it wrong. That’s the clash. Black & white, Urban & rural, men-women…who does fucking care except their own bread? Who has to earn his own bread, he knows the value of it, who eats bread earned by someone else, gets time to create turbulence among society. And there the concept of Pink comes.

The moment girls try to come out of their own color and get missed with guys, guys think they are giving ‘hints’, they starts thinking whatever they want can do with a girl, though there is strong laws and enforcements against that. Then why? Even quite aware of strong laws and probable enforcements, still why there are many cases of Rapes, Molestation etc are increasing day by day? Here the subtle statement comes. It’s kind of arrogance and then a feel of insecurity. It’s that feelings which forces one to show the power to prove superiority. It’s the same show offs which the person used to see it throughout his upbringing between his own mother and father. It is the eternal clash between two different sexes. None writes about the everyday trouble a man faces in his married life, none talks about the urge of having sex is considered max once or twice in a year and still the man is officially not allowed to have sex with other women though it’s a kind of physical requirement. How many books have been written on domestic violence on men? Very little research on this and surprisingly even lesser see the light of publication!

Then? What is the issue? Both of them are somehow molested, terrified and still the system to move on without any prejudice.

No, here is the conflict. That’s the beauty of the movie ‘Pink’. In a scene Mr. AB said “No Means ‘No’, ‘No’ itself is a complete Sentence.”

As conclusive statement, Pink is not a movie on being strong Womanist. It is actually a fantastic movie where one should know the power of the sentence “No” first and then other things. It is wonderfully said, knowing ‘no” is more necessary than understanding ‘yes’.

Debraj

26.09.2016

Gurgaon

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WP 01

I am not sure whether I should write this or not. Yeah, this is a sensitive topic and one shouldn’t discuss on the same. It’s kind of personal thing but I guess, I have already discussed a lot about my personal things here, starting from quitting smoking to masturbation. I have even discussed my definitions of being happy and then some kind of familiar incidents too.

Anyway, coming to the subject, is commitment in relationship is a taboo? I am not sure of it but seems like I feel the same. According to Google, Taboo means a social or religious custom prohibiting or restricting a particular practice or forbidding association with a particular person, place, or thing.

Before I got married, I was in a few relationships, I mean I had a few girlfriends in different phases. Ok, while I was in school, like all other guys, I also had some kind of crush on a girl, which didn’t mature later. We never even spoke more than twice or may be thrice too.

Then in college, while doing engineering, I got involved with a lady, who was actually a friend of one of my friend. It lasted a couple of years. There also it didn’t ripe in to a physical relationships (I meant sex, not kissing). That also didn’t last long after I got a job and started working in a concern. Then for a stop-gap period, I met with another lady, with whom I was in a relationship for a complete year. Yes, this time she was also very serious and I was too but it didn’t last long for some miscommunications which resulted into a complete misunderstandings and an argumentative end. We both decided to move away and have our own life separately. With her, I went to some good places too, away from home, spent a whole day in hotel room, came close to each other but somehow sex didn’t happen. Probably we were in demand of more time or may be being an Indian, we were not that matured like what we read about developed or underdeveloped foreign countries. While in a relationship, we never had any problem with ‘Love’. Love was always in the air, which actually didn’t condencify and there I understood my problem.

My problem is simple, I can’t commit a thing unless it has some result in future. Not necessary that I can see the future, but there must be some way I could see, visualise or I personally don’t believe in continuing a relationship considering it a taboo. I always, say, there is no number in between ‘0’ & ‘100’. Either complete dedication, or there is nothing, which I actually lack. I can’t give my 100% to anything unless I like that thing the most, more than my life too. Yes, it is, and it will probably remain the same till my last breath. Though in professional life, whenever I felt suffocated in a job, I immediately resigned and joined some other company. Sometime this went wrong, but I never cared for that.

Why to drag a thing when you actually lack something? Why to drag a relationship when you know you are not satisfied with it? Why society, parents, friends would have to interfere in your personal choice? Here the point comes. Sometime you know you are not in to it but your counterpart doesn’t feel the same way and there the confusions, contradictions come which mostly lead to some unfortunate, unwanted situations. It happened with me with my girlfriends, even with my wife too. Life is never a very easy thing, life is tough.

I still do not understand, when there is some problem or confusions or better say mismatch in a relationship, then why not to take a call and respect the peace of mind? Solutions could be done by having good discussion, by taking help from third party, could be done by approaching court or by any violent means. Yes, I don’t see anything wrong in this. Where there is something wrong, then all the consequences could be wrong, should definitely be in wrong way. As simple as that. If I am not enjoying my marriage, then there is no other way to say it other than confessing, “I am not happy”.

No, please don’t get me wrong. It’s not my case as of now. Yes, here also I am happily adjusted myself between 0 & 100. Means, I am not 100% happy, but it will be really unfair to say that I am not happy also. So I am happy. I don’t have all the happiness one could get from marriage, but yes, to some extent, I am happy. I have issues, I have problems but still can’t get away from this marriage named thing. I am not sure whether it is kind of fear, social embarrassment or still I have some expectations left from this? I don’t know at all. I don’t know what is happening now, it will keep on happening rest of my life. So same boring story line up every day, every morning, noon, afternoon and night. Whatever is the problem, issues, didn’t get sorted out yet and I am quite sure that in near future also, nothing is going to change. Ok, I am not pointing my finger to someone saying it is his/her fault at all. I am just saying considering all the faults are mine, still why to bear the burden for same old rotten story which gets old day by day and gather more mosses being of no use at all?

Yes, may be, Commitment is a kind of taboo.

Kabir

15.01.2016

Gurgaon

বাড়িতে এলে অর্কর ঘুমের সময় বেড়ে যায়, কখনও দশটাতেও চেঁচিয়ে ঘুম ভাঙাতে হয় ওর আর এই কাজে অনুর জুড়ি নেই। অনু অর্কর বোন, তিন বছরের ছোট। কলকাতার ধর্মতলাতে একটা বেসরকারি অফিসে চাকরি করে আর সন্ধ্যেবেলা বানী সঙ্ঘে ফ্রি কোচিং সেন্টারে পড়ায় গরিব ছেলেপুলেদের। ছোটবেলা থেকেই অনুর সঙ্গে ওর ঠিক ভাইবোনের সম্পর্ক নয়, কেবল বকাঝকার সময় অর্ককে একটু দাদা সাজতে হয়, বাকি সময় নিজেরা বন্ধুর মতই মেশে, আর বয়েসের পার্থক্য কম হওয়ায় সুবিধে আরও বেশি। একটু বেশি বেলা পর্যন্ত ঘুমোলে অনুই আসে ধাক্কা দিয়ে তুলতে, আর তখন টেবিলের উপর এক কাপ চা রেখে যায়। অনু এখনও চা ছাড়া রান্না বান্না বিশেষ কিছু জানে না, শেখার চেষ্টাও নেই, মা অনেকবার চীৎকার চেঁচামেচি করে শেষে ছাড়ান দিয়েছেন কিছুদিনের জন্যে। আজ বেস্পতিবার, দুপুরে সুপ্রতিমের সঙ্গে দেখা করার কথা আছে, পানিহাটির ঘাটে, দুপুরবেলা। সুপ্রতিম ছোটবেলার বন্ধু, এখন সরকারি চাকরি করে। কলকাতায় আসার আগে থেকেই কথা হয়েছিলো। এমনিতে বাড়িতে আজ নিরামিশ রান্না, বাবা সক্কাল সক্কাল ভাত খেয়ে অফিসে, অনুও বেরোবে আর একটু পরেই, তারপরে সারাটা দিন বড্ড বোরিং। ঘরে থাকলে সিগারেট খাওয়া যায় না, পড়ে পড়ে ঘুমনো যায়না, খালি টিভি দেখা, কখনও কোনও বন্ধুর সময় খালি থাকলে তার সঙ্গে দেখা করা আর সন্ধ্যে হলে অনু ফেরার পরে ছাদে গিয়ে আড্ডা। আসলে সব বন্ধুরাই কেমন ব্যাস্ত হয়ে গেছে, কেউ থাকে বিদেশে, কেউ বা তারই মত অনেকদূরে, মাঝে মাঝে বাড়ি এসে জানান দিয়ে যায় বেঁচে আছি মা। খুব খারাপ লাগে কার সঙ্গে দেখা করার কথা ঠিক হয়ে যাওয়ার পরে হয়ত তার ফোন এলো আর বলল, ভাই কিছু মনে করিস না, আজ না হবে না। সে বোঝে না এই একটু মাত্র বেরোনো কেবল দেখা করার জন্যে নয়, এটা তার কাছে সিগারেট খাওয়ার চাবিকাঠি, এটা তার কাছে তার পুরনো শহরকে আরেকবার আরেকটু নতুন করে দেখার সুযোগ।

অর্ণবদাদের বাড়িটা সেই কোনকাল থেকেই লালরঙের, ওরা প্রতিবছর বাড়ির রঙ করাতো, কিন্তু কখনও রঙ বদলায়নি। মোড়ের মাথা থেকে একটা রিকশা নিলো অর্ক, অল্পসল্প সাহেব হয়ে গেছে ও, গরম রোদে হাঁটতে ইচ্ছে করলো না তাই।

কিছু লোকের চেহারা কখনও বদলায়না, সুপ্রতিমেরও সেরকম, সেই আগের মতই সামনের দিকে টুপি বানানো চুল, ঠোঁটের কোণে সবসময় একটা হাসি আর চোখে মুখে বাচ্চাদের সারল্য। মহাপ্রভু ঘাটের পাশের অশ্বত্থ গাছের তলায় বসল দুজন। এখনও ঠাণ্ডা ঠিক করে পড়েনি, কিন্তু দুপুরের পর থেকে সময়টা যখন বিকেলের দিকে গড়ায়, তখন গঙ্গানদীর উপরে কেমন একটা ধোঁয়াশার আস্তরণ পরে। অর্কর ভারি ভালো লাগে এইসময়টা। কেমন একটা শান্ত হয়ে ওঠে চারপাশটা, যেন একটা ছোট্ট বিরতি, তারপরেই আবার গা ঝাড়া দিয়ে জেগে উঠবে সব কিছু।

কথা বলতে বলতে কখন সময়টা কেটে গেলো, বোঝাই গেলো না, কখন সেই আড্ডার মাঝে তিন কাপ চা উড়ে গেছে, কখন একটা গোটা গোল্ড ফ্লেকের প্যাকেট শেষ হয়ে গেছে, খেয়াল করেনি কেউ। আড্ডার মাঝে ব্যাবসা উঠেছে অনেকবার, চাকরির কথা এসেছে, কখনও বা উঠে এসেছে দীপ্তি। যেমন ভাবে একটা দিনের ছায়া লম্বা হয়, যেভাবে ছোটো ছোটো পা ফেলতে ফেলতে একদিন একটা বাচ্চা হাঁটতে শুরু করে, যেভাবে একটার পর একটা ইট গেঁথে তৈরি হয় বাড়ী, সেভাবে অনেক অনেক ঘটনা, স্মৃতি, আনন্দ ভালবাসা মিশে তৈরি হয় একটা সম্পর্ক, কখনো তাকে আমরা বলি বন্ধুত্ব, কখনো বলি দাম্পত্য, কখনো বলি ভাইবোনের খুনসুটি।

ছাদের উপর বসেছিল ওরা, ওরা মানে অর্ক আর অনু। অনুর অফিস থেকে ফিরতে সন্ধ্যে হয়ে যায়, কখনও রাতও হয়। অর্ক অপেক্ষা করে থাকে এই সময়টার, অনু এলে ওরা ছাদে চলে আসে, তারপর ঘণ্টাখানেক গল্প আর আড্ডা। আচ্ছা দাদা, সুপ্রতিমদা এখন কি করছে রে? অনু জিজ্ঞাসা করল অর্ক কে। এই একটা প্রশ্নের উত্তর এতক্ষন থেকেও ঠিক বুঝতে পারেনি অর্ক, কেমন একটা ভাসা ভাসা উত্তর এসেছে, কখনও কথা শুনে মনে হয়েছে স্কুলের ছেলেমেয়ে পড়ায়, কখনও মনে হয়েছে থিয়েটার করে, কখনও মনে হয়েছে ব্যাবসা। অর্ক খেয়াল করেছিল কাজের কথা বললেই কেমন একটু পাশ কাটাচ্ছিল যেন সুপ্রতিম। ও পুরোটাই খোলসা করে বলল অনু কে, অর্ক দেখেছে, কিছু জিনিসে অনুর মাথা খোলে ভাল।  সব শোনার পরে অনুও ঠিক বুঝতে পারল না।

একটা সময় ছিল যখন ওদের বাড়ির ছাদ থেকে এয়ারপোর্ট এর আলো দেখা যেত। তারপর কত বড় বড় বাড়ী হল, রাস্তায় লোক বাড়ল, দূষণ দখল করে নিলো খোলা আকাশটা। আজকাল মানুষের কথাবার্তাও কেমন যেন পাল্টে গেছে, মানুষ আর আজকাল তর্ক করে না, হয় গুগল দেখে মিটমাট করে নেয়, অথবা একটু কথাবার্তার পরেই সটান জামার কলার ধরে টান দেয়। টানা পঁয়ত্রিশ বছরের বামশাসন শেষে মানুষ একটা কথা বুঝতে শিখেছিল, কোনও কিছুই চিরন্তন নয়। নিচের ঘর থেকে মায়ের গলার আওয়াজ শুনতে পেল অর্ক। নন্তু এসেছে। নন্তু অর্কর পাড়ার বন্ধু। মফস্বলের পাড়া, বন্ধুত্ব ছোটবেলা থেকে হয়। নন্তু ব্যাবসা শুরু করেছে, ছোটো একটা কারখানা খুলেছে মোমবাতি, ধুপ এইসবের।

কলকাতা শহরটা এই শেষ দশ বছরে অনেকটা বেড়েছে, উত্তরদিকের বৃদ্ধিটা একটু বেশিই। আগে লোকে ব্যারাকপুরকে কলকাতা ভাবত না, এখন আলাদা ভাবে না, বরানগরকে পর্যন্ত ভাবা হতোনা কলকাতার মধ্যে, এখন ভাবা হয়। যদিও ওটা কর্পোরেশনের এলাকার মধ্যে পড়ে না, কিন্তু তাহলেও আজকাল সেখানে মল হয়েছে, রাস্তা বড় হয়েছে, ফ্লাইওভার আর রাতের আলো দেখে বোঝা মুশকিল একটা সময় ডানলপ ব্রিজের নিচ দিয়ে লোকে যেতে ভয় পেতো, এতটাই ট্রাফিক জ্যাম হত সেখানে। এখন উপর দিয়ে বম্বে রোড গেছে আর নিচে ঝাঁ চকচকে কালো পিচের রাস্তা। একটার পর একটা বড় বড় দোকান আর ইলেকট্রিকাল জিনিসের দোকান। ওই রাস্তা ধরে আরও একটু এগিয়ে গেলে দুধারে চোখে পড়বে ধীরে ধীরে সেই মান্ধাতা আমলের বেশবাস ছেড়ে শহরও বেশ পাল্লা দিয়ে সেজে উঠেছে। হলদে রঙের ট্যাক্সিগুলো আগে বরানগরই আসতে চাইতো না, এখন দিব্যি ব্যারাকপুর অব্দি চলে আসে। দুধারে সদর্পে বেড়ে উঠেছে বহুতল অট্টালিকা আর তার মাঝে ঝুপ করে একটা বহু পুরনো সভ্যতা কেমন যেন হটাৎ করে বড় হয়ে গেছে।

ক্লাস এইটে পড়ার সময় যেমন হটাৎ করে ছোট ছোট ছেলেগুলো লম্বা হয়ে যায় আর তারপরে হাফপ্যান্ট ছেড়ে ফুলপ্যান্ট পরে নেয়, ঠিক তেমন করে শহরটা গায়ে গতরে বেড়েছে, একটু আধটু জেল্লা বাড়িয়েছে সময়ের সাথে সাথে। খড়দা পেরলে একটা সিনেমা হল পড়ত, প্রফুল্ল নামে, সে কবেই বন্ধ হয়ে গেছে, এখন বেশ কিছু মাল্টিপ্লেক্স হয়েছে, সকালে বিকেলে আলাদা আলাদা টিকেট, আলাদা আলাদা সিনেমা, ভেতরে আর বেঞ্চ পেতে দেখতে হয় না, সকালবেলা নীল সিনেমা চলে না, এখন এসি চলে, টিকিটের দাম একটু বেশি ঠিকই কিন্তু কেনার ক্ষমতাও তো অনেক বেড়েছে।

অর্ক আজ শহরে ফিরছে প্রায় দেড় বছর পরে। শহরের ছোঁয়ালাগা শহরতলীর স্কুল পেরিয়ে, সময়ের দাবি মেনে ইঞ্জিনিয়ারিং নিয়ে পড়াশুনা করে আজ একটা বেসরকারি জায়গায় কাজ করছে বছর পাঁচেক হল। সিভিল ইঞ্জিনিয়ার, রাস্তা ঘাট, ব্রিজ বানানো তার কাজ, সকালে ঘুম থেকে উঠে তৈরি হয়ে কম্পানির গাড়ীতে চড়ে দশ কিলোমিটার যেতে হয়, তারপর সারাদিন শ্রমিকদের সঙ্গে মাথা খাটিয়ে, শরীরের সব ঘাম ঝরানোর পরে সন্ধ্যেবেলা বাড়ি ফেরা। বাড়ি বলতে কম্পানী যেখানে যেখানে রেখেছে।

মাঝের অনেককটা দিন বাড়ি আসার সুযোগ হচ্ছিলো না, আর তার বাবা মা’ও মাঝে ছোট করে ওর ওখানে ঘুরে গেছিলেন, তাই আর আসার তেমন দরকারও ছিল না। দীপ্তির সঙ্গে সম্পর্কটাও তো টিকলো না, তাই বাড়ি ফেরার তেমন আগ্রহ খুজে পায়নি অর্ক। কিন্তু এই কয়েকটা মাত্র দিনের মধ্যে শহরটাকে এভাবে বদলে যেতে দেখবে, ভাবতে পারেনি ও। প্রচুর আকাশছোঁয়া বাড়ি, শহুরে সিগন্যালের মধ্যে নিজেকে কেমন একটু একা একা মনে হচ্ছিলো। হাওড়া স্টেশনে ট্যাক্সির চীৎকার শুনে একবারও বুঝতে পারেনি এরকম একটা অদ্ভুত অনুভূতি নিয়ে বাড়ি ফিরতে হবে তাকে। বড় বড় বাড়ির মাঝে একটাও খেলার মাঠ দেখতে পেলনা ও, বেশ কিছু নতুন স্কুল দেখতে পেল, কেমন যেন পাঁচিল দিয়ে শুরু আর পাঁচিল দিয়েই শেষ। বাইরে প্রচুর বাস দাঁড়িয়ে। ও যে সরকারি স্কুলে পড়তো, সেখানে বাস ছিল না, কিন্তু ছিল একটা প্রকাণ্ড খেলার মাঠ। চারদিকে গাছ দিয়ে ঘেরা। টিচাররা বেশ একটা গম্ভীর মুখ নিয়ে আসতেন পড়াতে, কখনও মারতেন বেত দিয়ে, কখনও আদর করে গাল টিপে দিতেন। রাস্তায় দেখা হয়ে গেলে পা ছুঁয়ে প্রনাম করতে হত, বাবা মা শিখিয়েছেন, সবাই অপেক্ষা করতো কখন টিফিন টাইম হবে আর পিংপং বল দিয়ে খেলা হবে পিটটু। দোতলার বারান্দা থেকে উঁচু ক্লাসের দিদিরা তাকিয়ে থাকবে আর হাফপ্যান্ট পরা কচি বয়সের ধেড়ে পাকা ছেলেগুলো ভাববে, তারা কবে বড় হবে। এখনকার এই হলদে রঙের বাস থাকা স্কুলে কি এখনও এইসব হয়? এখনও কি তারা অগ্নি জেল পেন কিনে ভাবে কি দারুন একটা জিনিস! বা নটরাজ পেন্সিলের মাথা চিবিয়ে ভাবে যে দারুন খেতে! ওদের স্কুলে কি চাপকল আছে বা বাহাদুর দারোয়ান? অর্কর একটু ভয় পেল, এমন নয়তো যে স্কুলে ভর্তি হয়ে সময় নিয়ে বড় হওয়ার আগেই এরা বড় হয়ে যায়! সেই হলদে পাতা, লুকিয়ে পড়া বই পড়ার আগেই এরা সবকিছু জেনে ফেলে না তো! বেশিদিন নয়, মাত্র দশ বছর আগেই এরকম একটা স্কুলের বারান্দায় দাঁড়িয়ে বোকার মত তাকিয়ে থাকতো ও দীপ্তির দিকে। নিজের ক্লাস শেষ হলেই কোনও একটা অছিলায় বাইরে বেরিয়ে আসতো এই আশায় যে হয়ত দীপ্তিও বেরোবে, কখনও কখনও সেটা মিলেও যেত, আবার কখনও সকাল গড়িয়ে বিকেল হতো, সন্ধ্যে নামত পশ্চিমের আকাশে, কিন্তু দেখা মিলত না। অর্কর আর ভাবতে ইচ্ছে করছিলো না। ঠাকুর কর্নারের পাশের রাস্তা দিয়ে ট্যাক্সিটা ঘুরিয়ে ড্রাইভার মাথা ঘোরালো, জানতে চাইল কোন দিক দিয়ে যেতে হবে…

চলবে…

CA 01

A few days before while talking with a close friend over the phone, I found him a bit frustrated and dull. I asked him the reason but he politely avoided discussion on the same. On the next day, he called me in the evening and asked me two questions,

  1. Why do people give me importance in their necessity and then just throw me away after the need? Is every relationship is based on need?
  2. Why does this happen to me time and again? This is not the first incident, the same thing happened to be before also. What do you suggest as a friend?

I took time to respond to his question. Yes, I am not a relationship guru, whom people call for getting suggestions on relationship issues and yes, I also face the same things in my life too. People’s communication, maintaining relationships etc everything depends on need. When that need is served, they strive for another need, and to be frank, need is an assignment type thing. Like we order pizza and the pizza retail chain deliver the same within their stipulated time. We are happy with the taste and delivery of that pizza. The moment the delivery boy gets late in delivery, we scream at him and scare him to deduct the amount.

It’s same in everywhere and funny is we all know that.

Even in a husband-wife relationship, there are a lots of needs and then imposed duties and responsibilities on both. The moment one need is served; the second moment is spent on planning for the next sets of needs. But in case of a husband wife relationship, the score card is only between the two members. Like if husband has to cook, then wife is to give score or vice versa. The moment it gets public and then types of demands starts acting like a free flow water body.

It can be compared with ‘dropping mercury theory’.

When a tea spoon of mercury is dropped from a certain height on a plane floor, then it will get scattered. You can try your level best to accumulate but actually it will cost you both physical and mental effort but result will be a big zero. You just can’t accumulate all the mercury and find the same weight as it was before. Now place a funnel and put a bottle under that. Take another tea spoon of mercury and drop it on the funnel. See the result, except a marginal loss; you will be able to collect the whole mercury.

The same applies with any relationship too. The moment you lose the funnel, the moment you lose the game.

Remember the style of our parents. They used to love us, scold us in childhood. Then they started developing confidence in us, educate us and then finally they started depending on us and finally they leave you to roam freely on this earth with a confidence that my son/daughter is ready. They also used a funnel, poured mercury through a funnel, systematically. In language we know that funnel as scolding, appreciating, admiring, loving, affection etc.

Where you didn’t use any funnel, it’s better not to expect anything from that relationship. Type of funnel may be compromised considering it issue based but the thing funnel is irreplaceable.

Let me give another example of what actually happens in our life.

Without using any proper kind of funnel, we lose to a situation and then blame it to get some consolation and generally two things happened. Either we say, “I was carried away with emotions/sentiments/anger etc” or “it never happened to be mine”.

An example:Sm 01

A person died. His relatives, neighbours, family members were standing around his bed and crying. A person was passing through that area. Out of curiosity, he stopped, felt emotional and thought of spending some time with them, with the distressed family. He tried his best to console people, shed tears in his own eyes too. After sometime they took that dead body to the burning ghat, chanting prayer to god. None looked at him. None paid any kind of attention to him. He felt bad, very bad. He spent almost 2 hours with those people but none even noticed him. He didn’t expect much, but some should have called him or atleast waved hand to him but nothing happened. He felt really very bad. In the road, he met me, narrated the whole story. I said, “You missed it sincerely. In the whole story, you were nowhere in the picture, just stopped, spent some time with them and now asking for a special guard of honour. Here the subject was the dead body, not you. One should understand where his service is required and where it is not. And then even if a service is asked from you, it’s solely your choice and understanding of whether you are able to provide that support or not. If you are able to provide that support, then ask yourself, are you actually providing support voluntarily or with an expectation of getting a favour in return. When all the answers are known to you, you will be well enough smart to avoid missing anything ‘sincerely’.

Now, another thing is carried away, which you can’t control.

You already know that marginal loss can’t be avoided. If you have to use funnel, then you must have to bear some marginal loss.

Let’s see what happens in the above mentioned example in another case.

A person died. His relatives, neighbours, family members were standing around his bed and crying. A person was passing through that area. Out of curiosity, he stopped, felt emotional and thought of spending some time with them, with the distressed family. He also couldn’t hold his tears for long. We wiped the tears with hands and left the place. After reaching at home, he found it strange. He didn’t even know the person who died but still he shed some tears. He was actually ‘carried away’ with the situation there.

The moment we will start understanding what do we actually want and what kind of deliberation that need, we will stop blaming fate, luck etc. for a never simple relationship questionnaire session.

Debraj

22nd april 2015

NH

“Mircea Mircea Mircea – i have told my mother that you have only kissed me on my forehead.”

Those who read Bengali novels are well known with that famous iconic line from the famous book “Na Hanyate” by Late Maitrayee Debi, later who was honoured with Sahitya Academy, the highest honour for contribution in Indian Literature. No, i am not going to write anything about the great Maitrayee Debi, even except a very few literatures, i don’t even know much about her. Whatever i know about her, is simply ‘Na Hanyate”. First time i read it when i was in class eight. My dad gave me that book and said, “Barely you will understand but try to read it once. If you can read it once, i am sure, in future you will read it time and again” and yes dad, after that it’s been seventeen years, i read the same book, same sets of words more than hundred times and still whenever i feel like writing on something to anything, “Na Hanyate” guides me, teaches me and then again unknowingly forces me to read it one more time.

Actually Na Hanyate was written in the year 1974 in response to another novel La Nuit Bengali. La Nuit Bengali was written by a well-known Romanian Philosopher Mircea Eliade in the year 1933. It was several years before Maitrayee Debi discovered it, read it, broke in to tears and finally thought of writing a reply. She completed writing a whole novel in a very few sittings with mental agony, refurbished love and named it “Na Hanyate”. The neame Na Hanyate means “which cant be destroyed”. Its a sloka from Shri MadBhagwat Gita where Shri Krishna, in reply to Arjuna told

“Na Jayate Mriyate va Kadachin

Nayam Bhutva Bhavita van a Bhuyah

Ajo Nityah sasvato ‘yam purano

Na Hanyate, Hanyamane Sarire”

When Arjuna was confused seeing all his relatives gathered to fight against him except his own brothers, he asked Shri Krishna, “how can i fight and kill those people who are eventually my cousin brothers and sisters, are my uncles and relatives.” He even asked Shri Krishna to excuse him. Shri Krishna, consoled telling him that “whatever happened, happened because of me, whatever is happening, is happening because i have planned this to happen and whatever will happen, will happen according to my script.” He even said more, “when a person dies, he just leave his physical presence but there is another thing known as soul, which cant be born, destroyed or recreated. None can give birth to soul, or kill a soul. People, their existence are eternal and eternal through their souls. Na Hanyate, Hanyamane Sarire.”

After forty years of completely connection less situation, one fine morning the writer found someone came to look for her. Through those visitors, she came to know that her ‘Mircea’ became famous as a philosopher. He even wrote a book titled ‘La Nuit Bengali’- Bengali nights where he has written a lot about sexual nights with a sixteen year Bengali girl, a daughter of eminent social worker and poet, follower of world’s greatest poet Rabindranath Tagore. Maitrayee debi reads the whole book, cried whole night. After almost forty years of that teenage incident, she felt still that flow of love was almost same like before, the only change was that, that forty years made her a lot matured. From that teenage girl, she developed grey hairs in her head and with wrinkles in skin due to aging. She got her daughter in law and then son in law too. After that two year long teenage period of love, which she had to discontinue due to severe social obligations and difference in culture terminated with another set of relationship which constituted of her caring husband and siblings. Whatever sexual relationship Mircea claimed to have with her proved of no use except harming her then present social status where she was an elegant woman who was one of those few lucky people who got the direct blessings of Rabindranath Tagore, who got a good name in poetry among Bengali readers, whose Mangpu Te Rabindranath was acclaimed by all. She still found one connection still alive. Na Hanyate, Hanyamane Sairire. After even forty years of that incident, when she came to know about Mircea, she again stopped thinking of anything else other than him. She tried her best to live happy with her family, relatives but couldn’t forget her teenage love. Just with the name of of Mircea, she felt like everything came alive but there was a catch. She didn’t like whatever description love was depicted by Mircea Eliade. Eliade’s love story was full of sex, though there was a lot love in his version too.

Read the topmost lines, where in every words, it seems like she was trying to hide something from her parents, specifically mother. She wrote, “Mircea Mircea Mircea, i have told my mother that you have only kissed me on my forehead. Lets divide these words using some imaginary punctuation marks and get in to the details of it.

“Mircea Mircea Mircea, I have told my mother that YOU HAVE ONLY kissed me on my forehead”

We may interpret it in a way that she had not any reservation about love and thus love making too but against a rich backdrop of life in an upper-caste Hindu household, Maitrayee Devi powerfully recreates the confusion of an over-educated child simultaneously confronting sex and the differences, not only between European and Indian cultures, but also between her mother’s and father’s view of what was right.

I read the lines in different way too. I read, “Mircea Mircea Mircea, I have told my mother that you have ONLY KISSED on my forehead”. It bears complete different meaning, where Maitrayee Devi is trying to convince her mother that apart from kissing on forehead, no other kind of sexual relationship occurred in between them. Here she behaves like a Bengali lady, bears the eternal insecurity of getting caught by mother. In Bengali society, even in Bengali culture, sexual relationship before marriage is not considered good. That cry is seen in her words, that self defence is prominent in her words, amid a tangle of misunderstandings, between a European man and an Indian girl, between student and teacher, husband and wife, father and daughter, she describes a romance unfolding in the face of cultural differences but finally succumbing to cultural constraints.

My sincere request to all who haven’t read it yet, please read it once and those who read it, please share your experience.

Debraj

31.03.2015

CTD 02A few days before, i was travelling from Delhi to Kolkata by train. I reached the platform at bit late and just after i boarded the train, it started moving. I got settled in my seat after putting the luggage under the seat. I checked all my co-travellers, of which one of them was a teenage lady and two other were an aged couple. The old person of that couple took the initiative to break the silence first and very soon we found ourselves very comfortable with each other. We talked about Indian economy, cricket, new ministry, terrorism, from anything to almost everything. It has become my bad habit that while talking with someone on something, i always keep on learning things and adding my points on almost everything. Good or bad, whatever it is i always have a story on anything, surprisingly all true and witnessed by me. Everyone has their own point of interest, like me, i can talk atleast a week without any break on construction industry, one day in Indian economy, one hour on geography or history and almost one month on Cricket or soccer. Slowly i understood the older person was more into Indian politics and defence strategies which immediately attracted me to take active part in the discussion. While we were arguing on something on the same topic, the other two ladies were busy with their phone or kept on talking between themselves on some other topic ignoring our discussion and forcefully or unforcefully, we were also ignoring their subject, until that young lady got a phone call from someone and out of courtesy we all had to stop talking to let the girl talk happily without surround sound. We all turned our face towards the window and started watching the beauty of nature while keeping eager ear on the telephonic discussion. It actually gives more pleasure in knowing someone’s private talk than conquering a big billion dollar country. The lady was talking with a male friend, with whom she shares a very good relationship but probably they like to keep it as a good friendship than renaming it as committed relationship. It seemed like both of them have agreed to this. No responsibility of affection showing drama from any side, just a mutual understanding with an underlying promise of being together in need. That need based relationship is something we all dream for but never experienced in our life. After sometime, the older lady, probably wife of that older person broke the silence but putting a sudden brake in our day dreaming, asked the young lady, “don’t mind, are you in relationship with that guy, you just talked over the phone?” the young lady replied with a diplomatic smile meaning yes or no, or might be both. After taking a pause for a couple of seconds, she replied, we are in a committed through device relationship and hit a hatrick in only a single ball. The story ends here.CTD 01

This is a new kind of relationship in this world; people are always busy with their smart phone through various social networking sites. They have different mail ids for different use. One is kept for their official purposes, one for their girlfriends or boyfriends and one for all other naughty raunchy things. It gives some kind of personal relaxation. I have talked with a lot people on this issue. None of them actually committed anything to anyone. It is seen that most of the time this relationship starts through internet, continues for a couple of months and then finishes in no time at all. I can give example of one of such relationship. That time Facebook launched in India newly and people started forming groups in close friends, so a word generated, i.e. common net friend. That means a person, whom i personally don’t know at all but has a distant friendship through some of my friends. Slowly though group chat or something like that they become close friend of mine too. Not that always the same thing happens but sometime it happens too. Within a very short period of time i came to know that she was daughter of my dad’s lost friend. Through us, our dad got number of his old lost friend and that bonded our friendship more. We exchanged our phone numbers and started talking but it was never a so called couple relationship as i was having my own girlfriend and she was also having a boyfriend but it seemed more comfortable in sharing problems, issues with someone whom i never met. Later also we never met each other and one fine morning i discovered someone else with whom i was more interested in sharing things than her. She also found the same thing and thus it discontinued.

A friend of mine confessed after a good dose of alcohol that, he can’t cheat his wife and so stopped talking to any of his ex girlfriends but one thing he does religiously, i.e. Keeping friendship with anonymous people. CTD 04He knows none will eventually come to know him and he also has no interest in meeting the personally even in any kind of wild dream.

It is actually a funny thing, meeting people through common forum or keeping old friendship through device. In an article in one of a leading daily in India, i saw a same subject where the discussion was how much a person is committed to their spouse. There most of the people accepted that in their office they meet people, in social arena, they meet people, build relationship but don’t drag it further because they fear of their already committed relationship. Committing a relationship through smart devices means easily accessible from anywhere and obviously the revealing own identity chapter is exclusively on owner’s risk and desire.

In India, a survey says 70% people feel marriage is more of a legal binding with full of unethical adjustments, in Australia it is 40% and the lowest is in USA. There it is 75%. May be there people are more committed to their own life than sharing it with others for lifelong only for some legal issues or maybe they are actually in to a proper happy married life. We all know the reason but what is to be kept as secret, attracts us more than what is easily available. We commit through device. We first post the picture of the food in Instagram even before tasting it because even if we are not committed to anyone for anything, still if a people click on the like button on that photo, it gives a pleasure. It has become more important to attract attention of people, both known and unknown that enjoying the food CTD 03itself for which we pay for. Facebook or same kind of social networking sites where appreciating someone or something is easier than doing it in real and who doesn’t like to live in a dreamland where there is no sense of feeling insecure at any time of life!

So, the world is into that secret commitment, commitment through device. We don’t have any option but accept it as the future of relationship.

(Dont just click on the ‘LIKE’ button, pls spare sometime to write a few words in the comments section too)

Debraj

16.12.2014