Archive for the ‘Stress’ Category

Probably after long one month, I finally got some time to spend with myself. Honestly this new job is really checking my capacity to handle stress, tension, work load everything. Everyday morning, I wake up at 7 am, then immediately after waking up, I rush to washroom, get ready, prepare breakfast while getting ready, pack it in lunch box, put it in a bag, arrange my office bag, take car key and start rushing in the Mumbai traffic. Then try not to honk at any point of time on the way to my office putting FM on high pitch and reach my office after travelling 43 km in 1 hour, if lucky, park my car outside office in open parking area, assemble by trouser, take the laptop bag in shoulder, lunch box in other hand start running for lift. Then the permutation combination phase, which life will come fast and probability of getting in is higher as there is no queue in front of life. After participating in that race, I reach office with a smiling face enjoying good morning wish by my sub-ordinates and finally settle, better say leave my ass to settle on a cushy mushy chair. Office boy brings a glass of water and then a hot coffee. The moment I open my laptop and start checking mails in outlook and newspaper in google chrome, intercom rings, hey man, good morning, can you please come for 1 minute? Sometime I think of replying, no sir, I can’t come, but I can’t because at this point of time, I am not having any back up job in my hand and I have a wife, I have a social status, I have a bunch of friends, I have handful of well-wishers and a bunch of bad wishers as well around me who may forget to shit in the morning but never forget to keep their watchful eyes on me. So I can’t just type a letter and throw that on my boss saying, fuck off! Hey, come on, don’t get me wrong, I am not at all frustrated with my job. Actually I enjoy working whole day, attend meetings, taking decisions, make fun of any small funny incidents and take charge of a whole bundle of deliverable. Anyway, I work whole day till evening, may be by 7 pm, I log off and again take my car key to jump in to the battle of returning home. In evening, I usually take long 2 hours to reach at home. So I reach around 9 pm every day, feel blessed when my wife offers me cooked food. O yes, sometime, I take a peg of whiskey and act like drunk to forget all the shit I did whole day including travelling to office and returning back and then enjoy my dinner while watching TV. Then I go to sleep.

So that my daily ordeal. I just don’t do anything apart from the above mentioned schedule. I may take 30 min more in one activity than other but overall the story is same.

Ok now, I guess you are much tired of reading my boring story because I guess you also got almost same like mine. Then let me tell you another story, funny is this is not funny and I assure, your story matches mine and for obvious reason my story matches exactly with yours. To be honest, we everyone have same story in life and still we try to extract thrill out of it. You earn, you socialize, you take responsibilities both at home and at work place, in both place you get bare minimum hike in your salary as well as importance at your home. You earn, you spend, sometime for yourself and most of the time for others only to remain included in that circle but most of the time you end up with getting criticized for what you haven’t done at all, still you smile, keep yourself busy in aspiring more and more with a dream of achieving everything in life as soon as possible hoping there is a world, where everything you do is appreciated without any miss and you continue living. You earn, you fight to streamline what is not in order. With your hard work, dedication, you reach closest to that place and find out while concentrating on one thing, you missed another thing. You again try to assemble that. Your job is never finished.

Hey cool, no need to thank me, we all are co-traveler in same boat. We will never reach our destination and please don’t get frustrated for that. Let’s keep trying.

Sougata

24.05.2017

bermudaভাবা আর করার মধ্যে যতটুকু গ্যাপ লোকের থাকে, আমার তার থেকে একটু হলেও বেশি থাকে, আমি বাপু ভাবতে ভালবাসি, করতে মোটেই ভালবাসিনা আর ভাবনা লিখে ওঠার কথা মাঝে মাঝে ভাবতে ভাবতে আমি আবার ভাবতে বসে যাই। কিন্তু আজ আমি ঠিক করেছি লিখবো, জম্পেশ একটা ভাবনার কথাই লিখবো, সেটা লিখতে গিয়ে আমার ঘুম এসে গেলেও আমি লিখবো, আর লিখতে লিখতে আরও বেশি ভাবনা এসে গেলে সেগুলোকেও আধপেটা করে পিটিয়ে টুপটাপ লিখে ফেলবো। লেখার আগে আমার লেখার কায়দা কানুনগুলো একটু ঠিকঠাক করে নিতে হয়, তার মধ্যে প্রথম হল দরজা জানলা বন্ধ করা, দ্বিতীয় হল ল্যাপটপে সবকটা শপিং সাইট বন্ধ করা, তারপরে তিনটি গুনে গুনে সিগারেট বাবার প্যাকেট থেকে ঝেড়ে খাটের তলায় লুকিয়ে ফেলা। এইসব হয়ে গেলে আসে সব থেকে গুরুত্বপূর্ণ জিনিস, খানিকক্ষণ ভাবলাম সেটা লেখা ঠিক হবে কিনা, কিন্তু ঠিক ভুল ভাবতে বসলে আমি আবার ভাবতেই থাকব, লেখা আর আমার দ্বারা আজ হচ্ছে না। হ্যাঁ, সোজা-সাপটা বলে দি, আমি অন্তর্বাস পরে লিখতে পারিনা, তাই সবার আগে সেটা ত্যাগ করি, তারপরে বাবার অনেক পুরনো একটা জ্যেলজ্যেলে ফতুয়া আছে, সেটা গলিয়ে নি, আর নীচে অপুর বারমুডা।

এবার প্রশ্ন আসবে, অপুটা কে? ঠিক আছে, উত্তর দিচ্ছি, অপু আমার এক্স বয়ফ্রেন্ড। আর হ্যাঁ, অপু নামটা মোটেই আসল নয়, নকল লেখার একটা সুযোগ আমি ছাড়লাম না, কিন্তু এই একটিই। হ্যাঁ টা যা বলছিলাম, মানে ভাবছিলাম, বারমুডাটা সবুজ রঙের, উপরে গাড়ীর ছোপ ছোপ করা, বেশ পুরনো, সামনের দিকে একটা চেন আছে, আর অপুর যেটা হাঁটুর উপর অব্দি হোতো, সেটা আমার থ্রি-কোয়ার্টার হয়ে গেছে। হথাত মনে হল, আজকের ভাবনাটা এই বারমুডা নিয়ে লিখে দিব্যি চালিয়ে দেওয়া যায়। বেশ ভাবাও যাবে আর সঙ্গে লেখাও যাবে, আর অপু এবং তার বারমুডার ইতিহাসটা নেহাতই সাদামাটা নয়। হ্যাঁ, তাহলে এইবার ভাটের বকবক বন্ধ করে কিছু লেখা যাক।

ওকে, কীভাবে লিখবো? অ্যানা ফ্রাঙ্কের মতো বারমুডাকে চিঠি লেখা যেতে পারে, বা নেহাতই অপুকেই একটা চিঠি, শুরুটা হবে এইভাবে, “প্রিয় অপু, তুমি ভাবিতেই পারো নাই আমার হস্তে আবার এই পত্রখানা পাইবে, কিন্তু আজিকার দিবসে সকাল হইতে রোদ্দুর মাখিয়া, তোমার বারমুডা পরিয়া গায়ে হাতে পায়ে তেল মাখিয়া মনে হইতে ছিল এরকম সুন্দর একখানি সুন্দর দিবস তোমার সঙ্গেও কাটাইতে পারিতাম…”, মাফ করিবেন, মানে নিজেই নিজেকে করলাম আর কি, যা তা লেবেলের কাব্যি হয়ে যাচ্ছিলো, মানে বারমুডা পরে তেল মাথার কথা অব্দি তাও ঠিক ছিল, কিন্তু সেটা অপুকে সঙ্গে করে! এটা বাড়াবাড়ি হয়ে যাচ্ছিলো।

ঠিক আছে, আপাতত এটা বোঝা গেলো, বারমুডার আসল মালিককে চিঠি লেখা যাবে না, সোজাসুজি বারমুডাকেও চিঠি লেখাটা আমার অসামান্য লেখক প্রতিভার ক্ষমতার একশত কোটি ক্রোশ দূরে। তাহলে!

ইউরেকা, ইউরেকা…না, আমি এখুনি এই পোশাকে দৌড়ে গিয়ে বাথটবে নামতে যাচ্ছি না, কারনটা সিম্পেল, আহা কারনের দরকার নেই জানি, সবাই বারমুডা নিয়ে গল্প পড়তে বসে আমার ইউরেকার গল্প শুনতে চাইছ না, কিন্তু কিছু করার নেই, আমি বাপু স্বভাব লেখক, ভাবনার দাস বলতে পারো, একটু সব জিনিস নিয়ে না  ঠিক জমে না, আর না পড়তে ইচ্ছে করলে কেউ মাথার দিব্যি দেয়নি যে পড়তেই হবে, ভাগ বোকা ছেলে! (BC, এটার পরে একটা স্মাইলি দেওয়ার খুব ইচ্ছে ছিল!)। আসলে তেল মাখার কথা ভাবা আর বাথটবে না যাওয়ার কারনটা সহজ, এখন শীতকাল, আর আমি দিব্যি দুতিনদিন তিন চারবার করে পারফিয়ুম লাগিয়ে গন্ধ স্নান করতে পারি।

ফেরত এসো বারমুডাতে, তোমাদের না আসলেও চলবে, আর সত্যি বলতে কি আমি ডাকিওনি, গল্পে ফেরত আসতে বললাম।

অপু আর আমি খুব ভালো বন্ধু ছিলাম, এতটাই ভালো যে আমরা একসাথে প্রচুর সময় কাটাতাম, ও আমার বাড়িতে বা আমি ওর বাড়িতে, সেই ক্লাস এইট থেকে, না না, অমলকান্তির গল্প লিখতে বসছি না, প্রমিস! আমাদের ইংরিজির টিচার ছিলেন ধিরেনবাবু, হ্যাঁ, তখন ডি. এম. এর মতো শর্ট বলতে শিখিনি, তো আমরা মোটামুটি একসাথে পড়তাম, একসাথে লিখতাম, একসাথে সময় সুযোগ হলে খেতাম, ক্লাস পালিয়ে গঙ্গার ধারেও গেছি, অবশ্য তখন কলেজে পড়ি। আমাদের বাড়ির লোকের ধারণা ছিল এরা প্রচণ্ড ভালো বন্ধু, আমরাও তাই জানতাম। আমাদের বন্ধুরা বলতো, তোদের তো আলাদা করাই যায়না রে! সত্যি বিন্দাস বন্ধু ছিলাম। আমার আর অপুর দুজনেরই দুটো সাইকেল ছিল, সেটা করে আমরা স্কুলে যেতাম, পড়তে যেতাম আর মাঝে মাঝে ইচ্ছে হলে গঙ্গার ধারে। সত্যি গঙ্গার ধারে যেতে আমার দারুন লাগতো, হয়তো এখনও লাগে। আমি পড়তাম টি শার্ট আর জিন্স, আর অপু ওর বিখ্যাত বারমুডা…সবুজ রঙের, গাড়ীর ছোপ ছোপ। হ্যাঁ ঠিক ধরেছেন মশাই, সেই বারমুডাটি, যেটি বর্তমানে আমি পড়ে আছি। সব থেকে মজার কথা, অপু ক্লাস সেভেন পর্যন্ত নাকি জাঙ্গিয়া পড়তো না, আহা কি সুখের জীবন ছিল ওর! আমাকে তো বোধহয় জন্মই দেওয়া হয়েছিলো ওইসব পড়িয়ে, থাক সেসব কথা, ভাওনাও মে বেহে জানা মেরি গন্দি আদত হে!

একবারের গল্প বলি, তখন আমি কলেজে পড়ি, সক্কাল সক্কাল অপুর ফোন, আজ কলেজ যাবো না, আজ যাবো গঙ্গার পাড়ে, একটা নাটকের গল্প বেশ মনে ধরেছে, কাল সারারাত ঘুমোইনি, ভিক্টোরিয়া জেগে যাবেন বলে তোকে বলা হয়নি, তুই আজ কালটি মেরে দে, চল আমার সঙ্গে, তোকে পুরোটা না বললে শান্তি হচ্ছেনা। আহা, ভিক্টোরিয়া আমি নই, আমার পরম শ্রধ্যেয় মাতৃদেবী, আর অপুর কথা মানে আমার কাছে আদেশ, অমান্য করলেই তিনি নিজে সক্কাল সক্কাল আমার বাড়িতে এসে হাজির হবেন নাটক শোনাতে, সেটা বেশ বিরক্তিকর ব্যাপার। অতএব…

আমি বেশ সেজেগুজে…হ্যাঁ আমি সাজতে ভালোবাসি, নীল রঙের জামার সাথে, পিঙ্ক রঙের নেলপালিশ সুতপা মেনেজ করতে পারে, আমি পারি না। তো যা বলছিলাম, আমি বেশ সেজেগুজে, যতটা কলেজের জন্যে করা যায় আর কি, হাজির হলাম সেক্সপিয়ারের আসরে, সকাল দশটা, আমি স্টেশন পেরিয়ে সাইকেল নিয়ে, পিছনের কেরিয়ারে ব্যাগ আটকে চলেছি গঙ্গার ধারে।

অপু আগেই পৌঁছে গেছিলো, আমাকে জীবনের চরমতম আশ্চর্য করে ওর বিখ্যাত সবুজ রঙের বারমুডা আর তার উপরে গাড়ীর ছোপ ছোপ বারমুডা পড়ে। জীবনে খুব কমই অবাক হয়েছি, যে কয়েকবার হয়েছি, তার মধ্যে এটা একটা! আমি বললাম, তুই এটা পড়ে কলেজ যেতিস? অম্লানবদনে জবাব এলো, এক্কেবারে খেয়াল করিনি গুরু, আজ বাবা আমায় পেদিয়ে পোদ্দার করে দেবে। দুর্ভাগ্যবশত, ওর পদবি পোদ্দার!

দুর্ভাগ্য কিন্তু অপুর সঙ্গ সঙ্গেই ছিল। আসা যাক সেই গল্পে, আহা ভাবনা তো একটা জ্যান্ত প্রাণী নাকি! সেও তো আমারই মতন চলতে ফিরতে পারে! আমার দাদার বিয়ে, অবধারিতভাবে অনিমন্ত্রিত কাঁঠালি কলা অপু। সে তার কাঁঠালি কলা সঙ্গে নিয়ে, আহা সত্যিকারের কলার কথাই বলছি, তিন দিন আগে থেকে আমার বাড়িতে। আমার দাদার প্রেম করে বিয়ে, সেটাকে লিখিত ভাষায় অন্য কিছু বলে কি না জানি না, অতএব আমি বউদিকে চিনি ভালো করে, সেও আমাকে চেনে, (বিয়ের পড়ে হাড়ে হাড়ে চেনার কথা! সেটা তিনি ভালো করেই চিনেছেন আশা করি!), আর আমার সঙ্গে আমার স্যাঙ্গাৎ অপুকেও চেনেন।

তিনদিন আগে থেকে আমার বাড়িতে অপু এসে গেলেন দু-কাঁদি কাঁঠালি কলা নিয়ে, কাজের সময় খেতে ভুলে গেলে সবাই কলা দিয়ে যেন ম্যানেজ করতে পারে! অদ্ভুত লজিক। আমার বিজ্ঞ বিজ্ঞ দাদাটি এইসব দেখে এই মারে কি সেই মারে! সে আর কিছু করার নেই, আমার অপু, আমারই দোসর…তাহার বুদ্ধি, চিন্তা ভাবনা বৃহস্পতি গ্রহ থেকে আসিলেও সেটাকে সমর্থন করা আমার আমাশা হওয়ার পরে পটি যাওয়ার থেকেও বেশি দরকারি। অবশ্য মা কিন্তু দারুন আনন্দ পেয়েছিল। আমার কথা ছেড়েই দিলাম! টবে সমস্যাটা ছিল অন্য, কুকুরছানা যেমন তাহার মাতৃদেবী ছাড়া বাঁচে না, যেমতি ব্যাঙ্গাচি জল ছাড়া মৃত, তেমতি, একঘর লোকের সামনে আমার বেস্ট ফ্রেন্ড, গত এগারোটি বছর ধরিয়া (ঠিক আছে, ধরলাম বারমুডাটি’র বয়স চার, তাহলেও…!) তাহার ট্রেডমার্ক সবুজ রঙের বারমুডা আর তার উপরে গাড়ীর ছোপ ছোপ নিয়ে এক্কেবারে বিন্দাস এখানে ফুল লাগানো, ওখানে মাসতুতো দিদিকে নিয়ে পার্লারে নিয়ে যাওয়া, পিসতুতো দাদার ছেলেকে নিয়ে সার্কাসের ক্লাউন হয়া…সব করে গেলো।

আমার একটাই ভয় ছিল, সন্ধ্যেবেলা যেন যা তা, মানে ওই বারমুডাটা পরে না চলে আসে! আসেনি…সন্ধ্যেবেলা, আমি যখন মোটামুটি তিনটে লেয়ারের মেকাপ লাগিয়ে আমার নাভি বের করা লেহেঙ্গাতে তৈরি, সারারাত ব্যয় করে সত্যিকরে ঘুমিয়েছি, যাতে চোখের নীচে একটুও কালো না লাগে, অবশ্য তার আগে মাঝরাত অব্দি সবার সঙ্গে তাল মিলিয়ে নেচেছি, অপুর গ্লাস থেকে একটুখানি মালও খেয়েছি, (সেটা অবশ্যই সবার ঘুমনোর পরে), অপু এলো, আমারই পছন্দ করে দেওয়া সোদপুরের পাঞ্জাবী বাজার থেকে কিনিয়ে দেওয়া ঘিয়ে রঙের পাঞ্জাবী, আর গাড় মেরুন রঙের কাজ করা লাল রঙের ধূতি পড়ে…সত্যি সেদিন আমি জীবনে প্রথমবার ওকে ভালোবেসে ফেলি…!!! আমি ক্ষমা চাইছি, এভাবে সবাইকে বলে ফেলার জন্যে। কিন্তু ভালবাসাটা বেড়ে গেছিলো, সেদিন ওকে আবিষ্কার করার পরে, যখন জানতে পেরেছিলাম… সেদিনও ধুতির নীচে ওর সেই সবুজ বারমুডাটা ছিল, গাড়ীর ছোপ ছোপ…

ও হ্যাঁ, অনেক রাত হল, আমি আর ভাবতে পারছি না… যেটা বলা হয়নি, সেটা হল, আমি সিগারেটের সাথে রাম খাচ্ছিলাম, এটা আপনারা কতটা ভাবতে পারেন জানিনা, বাবা-মা না থাকলে আমি বাড়িতেই আমি খাই! আর আমি খাবো আমার স্বামী সঙ্গে থাকলেও। সে আর আমার বয়ফ্রেন্ড আর নেই, কাল বিয়ে আমার… শুভেচ্ছা দরকার খুব একটা নেই, এগারোটা বছর খুব কম নয়, বাকিটা দেখা যাক…!!!

সৌগত

09.01.2017

pause

It’s been long I actually wrote something. Sometime we prolong our break and sometime we just ponder on work. It’s kind of our psychology. Sometime we nourish our hobbies and sometime we just let things go on as it is. The gap period was like that. I let the life move on of its own without much involving my own self in to it.

I concentrated on job, maintained a harmony of relationships with friends and relatives, tried my best to manage some time for regular exercises, quit smoking for a few good weeks and again didn’t take much time hug it. In these few months, I went to some places like Udaipur, then another trip to Ajmer-Pushkar.

I managed to meet some old friends, had sufficiently enough volume of alcohol of various brands and just let that six months approx time flow like nothing. I didn’t do anything specific but honestly that’s the most satisfying thing. Sometime it really feels good when you actually don’t do anything. This is the time, when you don’t daydream, don’t concentrate much on romanticism, poetry, and don’t find much interest in love making or watching porn.

This is the time when you just don’t bother if speedometer of your car starts crying, you just give bullshit to what your bosses or colleagues talk in your back. You don’t bother to maintain a good health, you don’t ask for a good book to read at leisure, you don’t start a new TV series.

This is the time when you just give damn to some unknown or semi known extra-marital affairs of your very so called near or dear ones and besides, you don’t feel any urge to start one with someone.

It’s just cool, like flowing river, it’s like continuous snowfall without bothering where am I settling may be on top of trees, on stones, on rivers or whatever it is.

And then slowly you start feeling, after so many struggles, after so many real days, you got a real life to live. Then you sleep naked, putting air conditioner on super chilled mode, consume a full 750ml of good wine with ‘n’ numbers of cigarettes, turn left, keeping hands at ninety degree with your body, making a proper ‘F’ where lower hand is managed with your erect dick.

Debraj

22.09.2016

 

WP 1A couple of days before, while cleaning up my room on weekend, after a booze party on Friday night at my place, I got some papers in my room, kind of torn pages from a diary or journal. There was not a single good words written there about me. Yes after working hard in office, spending good enough time at home, managing all the financial needs, buying new stuffs whenever required, dealing with familiar tensions, I was actually having a mind-set that I am doing good. I even gave myself 9 out of 10 in everything. I didn’t show my anger to anyone, I accepted my personal discomfort when I had to support my family, but there was not a single good words written there about me. Yes, after reading those, the whole day I spent in understanding what went wrong and what fault I made. Yeah, I got a few. I understood a few things I ignored considering it would not be noticed but it was noticed and noted down. All of a sudden I started feeling very low. It felt like I failed in an exam though I tried my level best.

WP 2Some negative thoughts also came in my mind like I must not do any more good things. I would have to ask the writer about the false blames, but slowly after spending a whole day with myself, after writing out a small poem, after watching India-Sri Lanka cricket match, I regained my mental spirit and decided not to live in any kind of negativities around me. I made a few rules, regulations for myself to follow. I don’t know how much my readers will connect with this but atleast it made me feel happy, made me strong enough to move on.

  1. Never get in to an argument which has no ending
  2. Never listen what other people say about you
  3. You didn’t take birth in a day and that was also not in your control. Handling any situation demands time and be wise to allot that
  4. Nothing comes for free, not even social service. You get tax exemption, happiness and sometimes a bit fame too
  5. Those who doesn’t have enough work or those who have never achieved anything in their life of their own, are the front runner in criticism business, avoid them
  6. Nurture hobbies, don’t make yourself so busy so that you don’t get time for what you actually enjoy
  7. Don’t keep grudge on anything or anyone, immediately react but don’t drag that far
  8. Enjoy companies of friends, but remember, if you enjoy, then only or else not necessary to get surrounded by people
  9. Exercise without fail. Alarm clock should not wake you up, but your passion should
  10. What is right is always right and what is wrong is always wrong. No need to live with something wrong hoping it will be right someday. It will never be
  11. Study even when you are earning good because studies keep you updated with things and works as natural brain refresher
  12. Attend calls, send mails, chat with people but avoid expecting anything
  13. Save money, save more than you could. Make savings a habit more important than earning also
  14. Enjoy every second. The moment you are dull, you must be sure very soon your surroundings would be dull and you would land in to a soup, middle of nowhere
  15. You can’t change anyone, so don’t try. Yes remember, you also don’t change yourself for anyone. You are fine, good enough
  16. Apart from all the above the things, do some meditation every day and walk for atleast 10,000 steps

WP 3

Debraj

15.02.2016

Gurgaon

WP3

Every day I see a lady, an elderly lady wearing pink top and legging jog in the ground. if I reach ground at 5am in the morning, I would find her and she stays till I end up my morning exercises religiously. It has always been tough for me to reach ground on time after a good weekend and now it has become my habit to skip exercises two days in a row, Sunday and then in continuation to that Monday too. It’s been very few times when I broke this self-made rule and presented myself in between soothing nature on a fine Sunday morning and there was no surprise. That lady with pink dress was there, busy with her practices.

I don’t know what is this? Why there is so much dedication in something? What if I bunk a class or take a leave from office? I often do it, though very rare, still I will say it often as I don’t get tired very often but whenever I feel tired, I send a sms to my boss and then call him after sometime before sending him an official leave application mail. At the age of sixty, maybe she is fearing death, or maybe she doesn’t have anything else to do in the morning, probably she lost her aged husband a few years before, maybe her siblings don’t want her around in the morning chores, maybe she feel happy coming in the ground, may be it is a kind of discipline, forceful discipline to stay alive amidst all the crazy situations around us.

I don’t know whether I follow any kind of such discipline. I go office not because I feel bored at home I love my job, it is simply because I get money for working there and that’s the easiest way to earn money. I believe, there is no life without money unless otherwise you are being sponsored by any person or organization. So I go office every day, mostly without any fail. But what could be the motivation for that lady to wake up early in the morning and do exercises in the ground, that also without a single day fail.

After noticing this for almost six months, one fine morning, I decided to talk to her to know her motivation to do so or may be the reason behind it. I was mentally prepared to hear anything nut no, I didn’t had to hear anything painful. She politely narrated me a story while holding a smile always in her face. I am trying to write the story in her words.WP4

Hey you, my son, I am ready to hug my death any day. I am having high blood pressure, thyroid and some other less critical issues which you will find in almost every person of my age. I have problem in my knees since my childhood after I fell from a stool at the age of six only, I could not walk properly. One morning, while playing in my court yard, suddenly a dog chased me and I started trudging with my legs and then suddenly I started running like anything, ooops, no son, nothing of that kind happened in my life. There was no Forrest Gump incidence in my life. Anyway, then my dad took me to a school and I was not doing very well there. One fine morning a close relative of mine came and shouted on me for not doing well in exams. He gave examples of nearby guys who were of my same age and were doing extremely well. That was an eye opener for me. I studied well, better, worked day and night and my hard work was properly compensated by awarding me rank one. Oooops, noting of that kind happened also in my life. I never did well in my exams, never tried also. Okies, my son, I know I am actually confusing you a lot. My simple suggestion to you is, stop following people. One should not have any time to listen other’s shared knowledge but make sure that you got enough experience. Remember what Forrest Gump’s mom said him, ‘Stupid is as stupid does.’ We all are stupid and so let’s not act as high intellectual. None is more disciplined than you, hard worker than you and Hey You, you are the best, believe it, act accordingly.

It was good knowledge for me. I stopped listening to many suggestions, various explanations of religious books and spiritual discussions, rather I started noting down things around me and convert it to an experience, which must enrich me, and I guess we all believe motivation comes automatically.

WP 1

One famous person named Ramakrishna once said, many thoughts, and many ways (যত মত, ততো পথ). For everything there is some time of craze. As an example, when I was child, people suddenly started saying that don’t use Dalda, use vegetable oil, like sunflower oil, almond oil etc., and then the craze of Rice bran oil came. And we all started using that thing. After a few years, everyone got feared and started singing the song of Olive oil and just yesterday my wife read somewhere that Olive oil is not good for Indian Type of cooking. My mom always used to say, drink milk, you will gain good health, and now we all know that milk is not that good though. These are things, concepts, theories…comes like waves and then vanishes in no time at all.

In life, these waves can be termed as phases. In childhood, we all play in the ground or at least inside room. Then those heavy bags full of books are forcefully put on our shoulders and we carry those until we get a job or start a business or decide some other professions. I have never been in to a business, so I can’t say what happens to a business man but yes, being an employee for about ten years, now I can say what happened with me or what the phases were. Initially I was a junior, always willing to learn, then slowly I got increments, promotions, in between all these, switched to some other company frequent times. Now too much loaded with higher designations and simultaneously work pressure.

In my last blog, I have written about how did I took part in a Yoga Program and how I myself motivated with help of Yoga to quit cigarettes and alcohol. Now will come to a few more discussions. There are ‘n’ numbers of Yoga Styles and thousands multiplied number of Yoga Gurus. All gurus have invented some kind of techniques or at least modified the traditional things according to the need of people and sometime to make their presentation more followers friendly.

Now let’s analyze what I have learnt in my course. I learnt to be happy all the time knowing that Happiness and Sorrow are complimentary to each other. If one is happy at present doesn’t mean he will not get pain in his life. It is just a matter of fact that after happiness, there must be some kind of setbacks. I learnt a powerful breathing exercise known as Sudarshan Kriya which is a process to control your breathing as breathing is the most important source of energy. I learnt some other kinds of breathing exercises too like Ujjayi Pranayama and then Bhastrika. I was instructed to continue doing that process for the next forty days without any break. The best time for practicing the same is in the morning or anytime in a day preferably in an empty stomach.

After doing five days’ workshop, I really felt good but a bit disappointed too. I got so many questions in my mind which are still unanswered. Ok let me write down those points

  1. Per session I have paid Rs. 400, total Rs. 2000 for a five days’ workshop, which seems a bit expensive. I know we don’t mind buying unhealthy fast food for 500 bucks but before buying rice, we compare between 20kinds of rice and then finally buy the cheapest one, though a 500 buck cost 5kg pack of rice lasts for atleast a month, still considering it a economy program, the subjects were very little. There were more emphasize on how Ravishankar ji talks about things, how holy person he is and what does he suggests in different situations. Yes, I am not saying those are not good, they are really good, inspiring and motivating too but I expected more Yoga and techniques than mere knowledge. We all are full of knowledge and it’s really tough to make space for new things. In that way I was a bit disappointed.
  2. The Home Kriya, means the simplified version of Sudarshan Kriya was taught to us which I find not that good except making it a habit of doing same things repeatedly. Actually it brings discipline in life. May be through regular practice it will be able to channelize my energy through breathing in some day. They say Long Kriya is not to be done on regular basis and must not be at home being alone. They say it must be practiced infront of some teacher and in group. My sincere question is I don’t want to have a guru standing in front of me all the time. I need to be mature and be that teacher who can mentor their disciple to make them mature in minimum time require. Where everything is specific, where you always emphasize on being in present, then why do you keep things to be taught in future. Why not at this present moment.
  3. Why there are so many Gurus and so many Paths. WP 2They are actually too much confusing. They say, Gu means Darkness and Ru means light. Guru is who removes the darkness and bring the light in life. Having a good guru means half job done. But where is Guru? He is not with me directly. He says to be with me through his series of disciples. It seems like there are many many steps to reach near to him. Means one should kept on hoping and spending money on learning things without having any answers to his own questions. He can’t even ask his Guru that, “how do you know all these things?” yes, it’s an important question. How Guru does know everything and then if he knows everything, then what the hell other gurus are doing? Do they also claim to know everything? If yes, then why don’t they appear for a common examination and release their rankings. We will have a choice then. Now it is like being sub-standard people, we are forced believe their holiness. What they claim to be good, we have full rights to know why it is better among all other things claimed to be Good.

Okay, I have so many questions because still I am a person with confused mind, but never mind, like all other things I have done in life, here also, I will try my best to reach the root, even if that involves to read a lot, practice my ass out, I will not mind. Yoga as a whole and to be specific the type of Yoga I have learnt has opened a door in my mind, now it’s my job to explore the rooms inside.

Sougata

Gurgaon

24.08.2015

TSG

I am a person who needs highest level of motivation for anything. Like if I believe alcohol has nothing to do with our human body, even god can’t stop me from drinking. If I think my boss isn’t right, bribing me Kohinoor will also not change the view. I was knowing alcohol and smoking is actually killing me but was not able to quit those. I was not even convinced to go for medication also. I needed a strong motivation. I checked almost every sites telling how to quit smoking but finally failing to do so. I started drinking milk at night just to avoid alcohol but again after two days threw the glass of milk and filled it with alcohol. All negative things around me was engulfing me and slowly all my positive things were converting in to negative things. I used to write poems, paint, read books but slowly I one fine morning I found myself doing none of the above except thinking of beer in the afternoon before lunch and then whiskey in the evening and throughout all these bad thought process burning one by one cigarette to hell.

I was getting a clear picture of my health. I was getting tired after walking half a mile of running quarter a mile. I was not getting any interest in anything. Most of time busy with how to manage time for a cigarette break or finding out reason for celebration with whiskey. Though I was eating a lot, still I was not gaining any weight. Every night I use to stay towards the ceiling hoping after sometime sleep will come. In the morning, with drowsy eyes fighting with another tensed day.

I am a person, who can do anything in the world with help of a bit inspiration and motivation but like I said earlier, I need to go in details of the thing I am doing. One fine morning, I just stopped smoking and took an oath of not drinking any more. I just stopped.

Earlier also I have done this many time. I used to make fun of myself by telling people that quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world, for example, I have done it a thousand times. Even once for a stretch of almost a week but everytime I made a mistake. I will share this mistake here.

We get motivated by many things, like scolding from teachers/wife, siblings for not smoking. Sometime wife refuses to kiss a cigarette smelling lip, sometime it feels bad to go closer to a non-smoking person too. So we plan to quit smoking and then immediately we declare it our friends, colleagues. The moment we share the good news, they get jealous of you or just to appreciate you, they make fun of you. I have faced this many a times. Sometime appreciation doesn’t help. So just quit it and you are done. Like I said before, I used to smoke atleast 15 cigarettes a day and then suddenly stopped. Before I used to quit smoking for a day and then immediately started Googling the pros and cons of quitting smoking. With all those motivating incidents and words, I used to get enthusiasm and to celebrate that, started smoking again. I was a big frustration for myself, after trying my best also, I was not able to forget it properly.

I told myself. You need to do something that doesn’t support smoking. You need to give a break to your mind. You need to do something that keeps you busy than leaving you a second for smoking. And one more promise I made to myself, no looking back from now.

So, there were three things. First, unhappiness in my family and home, second stress in office which was actually hampering my personal life and third, all those bad habits. I made one thing clear, I will have to fight with these three hurdles. I checked internet all through the days and listed down various options. I am listing down those below

  1. Identify the tension and get rid of it. It confused me a lot. My wife is my tension but I can’t get rid of her. She is part of my life. If I break one hand, is it preferable to get it treated through some near painful process or just cut it off for a later painful life?
  2. Live in the present and forget past and don’t think too much about future: it is a good point. One must live in present forgetting whatever he did and without getting much involved in what he will get in future. Just live the moment and enjoy it fullest. Somehow it’s a great thought. My sincere question was, while I am drinking, I am living in the very present. Does that make me happy? One word came from the above realization that is Happiness. My focus is to get happiness and bet is that it must have to be permanent or at least it must stay for some time.
  3. Exercise, exercise and exercise: yeah, I am fond of exercise. If someone wakes me up every day in the morning and take me for a walk, I don’t have any problem but if someone says put an alarm and do it regularly, then it’s not my cup of tea. Another problem with exercise is consistency. People have a tendency to get bored of exercise very often. Though exercise is one of the best option to get physically and mentally fit, still I was wandering for some other options.

At this point of time, one evening one friend of mine came to my place. He was sharing his experiences about how did he quit smoking. Actually he was a very close friend of mine who used to smoke & drink occasionally. His way of talking really amazed me and I got more interested about the way he did that miracle.

He said, he had joined a religious programme which encourages yoga. Yoga was not a new thing to me. Even I had downloaded a few yoga postures which included Surya Namaskar etc. and started practicing at home with a bit difficulties. Then he started explaining about the programme. He said, it has nothing to do with any kind of religions. No need to have faith on god or have to follow some kind of rituals. It is very simple programme which they call ‘Happiness Programme’. Happiness programme is all about bringing happiness which is kept inside our body and soul. I got enthusiastic about that programme and the very next day spent a good time on internet to know every details of that organization. It was formed by a person named Sri Sri Ravi Shanker. His face or whatever was written in the site didn’t attract me much to be very frank. Being a son of a very religious family I am believed to be an autistic, I have never shown any respect to any kind of God or Godmen in my life and it is not something I have done forcefully or for any reason. Actually depending on anyone is just not in my blood. May be there is something called heaven, where people go after their death, maybe there is some people known as god but their story never attract me. I never bowed down infront of any image or Murti. So religious thing didn’t attract me at all but thought of giving it a try. The whole day I kept on checking their sites. I downloaded a few books on Yoga and Yogic culture. In between that process, I even checked Yoga dresses in some online portal also and ended of buying some electrical junks. That night, I had a very bad sleep. Woke up in the morning with swollen eyes and tired face, drank one full bottle of water and quit smoking, drinking alcohol.

Yes it was that simple. One have to just make his mind and throw up everything.

I joined their class on the very next day. Even before they say anything, I knew I stopped smoking and drinking, so already I was high. I was high on enthusiasm. The schedule was, reach the venue by 6am in the morning and be with them till 9am. My office starts at 9:30am, so the first decision I had to make was to inform office that for the next five days, I will be late every day in the morning and the second was to inform wife that I will not have my breakfast at home and will not take my lunch box for the next five days. It was not easy at all but my positive approach towards that thing woke me up in the morning even before the alarm.

I packed a small bag of formal wears which I planned to wear after Yoga session and then rush for office, one bottle of water, a small hand towel. As instructed I wore a light fitted dress and left home at 5:30 in the morning. It was drizzling outside, a cool breeze was playing with my hair. After very long, my ear got to breathe in fresh air, I was feeling the bliss with all my sense organs.

The first thing we did at the Yoga class was, we got hold of each other’s hands and said “I belong to you”, means it all started with a dedication. A lot of things were taught in the whole class. We learnt a few yoga postures also. Ujjayi Pranayama was one of those. It’s all about controlling your breaths. The most important thing we do all through the day is we breathe. We are alive till we breathe. When we get tempted, it increases and remain very normal while we sleep. The moment it stops, our body converts from live thing to a dead substance.

A few strange questions were asked during the course like when are we happy? When will we be happy? What do we need to be happy?

I stopped eating non-vegetarian foods also. I stopped taking tea and started thinking of yoga whenever possible. It was more of an awakening class than a spiritual class or yoga class. They didn’t show us much yogic poses. They kept ourselves limited with a very few postures only. There was one thing called Sudarshan Kriya where we were taught how to keep control of our breathing. SUdarshan Kriya is a thing, is a kind of breathing exercise where one has to breathe with the sounds of So-ham. So-Ham is said in different ways, first very slowly, means to have control over long breath, then with medium pace and atlast with very fast. One has to keep doing it until it finishes. Once it is over, one must lay on ground and relax their body.

Honestly I never knew how to relax. I used to relax at any comfortable posture, trying hard to forget all other tensions and then fighting with physical uncomfortness and finally giving up being half-rested. They taught me how to control mind, how to channelize one’s thought in to relaxation. How to think of your own body and then slowly relax each body parts.

One another thing I learnt from them is meditation. Every time I heard of meditation, everyone says it’s all about concentration. Throughout years I tried my best to concentrate on sudden things but that never happen. I always ended up being impatient and an utter failure. They told us meditation has nothing to do with concentrations. It’s all about routing things in proper way. At first, one have to expand themselves.

They told us to sit cross legged (Sukhasana), spine erect, eyes closed, palm facing the sky and relaxed shoulders. At first we were said to think of a sphere around us with a radius of 2feet, then the whole room. This way one by one they took us out of the universe and finally told us to think of a place in between our eyebrows, means where the 3rd eye is believed to be. When I was done, I felt myself in heaven. Everything around me was calm, cool. I was not having any anger, sorrw. I was happy. I was happy.

I got a new dimensions through Yoga. Yes, I was in search of it for very long and probably I got it. I got a glow around me, a soulful glow.

Sougata

21.08.2015

Gurgaon