Life Has no “ReDo”button…but SoRrY anytime one can say…

Kabir immediately picked up the mobile and typed a text message, ‘hope you are safe and nothing happened due to that horrible incident in Kolkata’…then a long pause, holding the send button! He was not sure whether to send the message or not? He broke up with Manasi long four years back and since then they never exchanged any word except once, when he sent a message in Facebook, that also after long 3years of that break up. Nope, that experience was not good though. Kabir wrote a few lines in Facebook messenger and finally after one or two days later, got a very strong reply disguised in instruction that, ‘don’t message me or disturb me’.

Kabir still couldn’t remember what actually happened to him, he knew that he will get such kind of reply but still he tried, he even said sorry too though he still doesn’t have any idea of why he would have to say sorry? He didn’t broke up with Manasi, neither Manasi also broke up with him. There were a few tensions, misunderstandings, family drama and conflict of interest, things didn’t go well and so they ended up with a break up. Break up means they stopped being with each other, spending time together or even stopped being in talking terms. It’s like, suddenly a kind of decision and then forgetting whatever good times they had spent once. Kabir sometime wonder, what kind of relationship was that? Though he was the one who pointed out the negative things of that relationship first, still he never knew that their relationship doesn’t deserve a little bit respect when it is over, even then when he himself didn’t mind to say sorry, number of times.

Anyway, a flyover collapsed on Vivekananda Road. The first thing came in Kabir’s mind was simple, Manasi used to stay near there. She used to take that route while going for her tuition or while returning from there. After fighting a lot with his own conscience, he finally took the mobile and typed a message and was in confusion, whether to send or not. He was really worried but he couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t even ask, or send a text message. Actually he was well aware that he will not get any reply, even if he gets, it would not be a nice one.

When did heart listened to brain? Finally Kabir pressed the send button, “hope nothing happened to you in that mishap. I will be really grateful if you could reply with atleast a letter” and then eternal wait. No reply came in next five minutes, not even in ten minutes. Kabir was in a meeting with his CEO and he was the one who was giving the power-point presentation. People from investors, bankers were very much curious about his presentation. He was also very much in to that, until the reply came, a small vibration in pocket, he took out the phone, Manasi replied, “it is very much annoying to receive a message from you. It will be really helpful if you could stop sending me messages or any other way to communicate with me. I am married and let me be happy in my life”. Kabir read the whole thing, the way Manasi replied was not good in anyway but he was happy. Kabir didn’t ask for any favour, he didn’t even requested Manasi to keep in touch or again fall in love with him. He actually didn’t ask for anything. He was just curious, he was panicked and then he was happy to know nothing happened to Manasi. Kabir himself is a married person, so there was no point getting upset knowing Manasi also got married.

Kabir typed a reply, everybody in the meeting room was looking at him, waiting for him to continue with the presentation, but Kabir was busy with the keyboard of mobile, he typed thrice, deleted twice and finally replied, “Thanks….Be happy” and turned his head towards the presentation.

 

Kabir

31.03.2016

Gurgaon

Action Comes before and After Criticism

 

A couple of days before, while cleaning up my room on weekend, after a booze party on Friday night at my place, I got some papers in my room, kind of torn pages from a diary or journal. There was not a single good words written there about me. Yes after working hard in office, spending good enough time at home, managing all the financial needs, buying new stuffs whenever required, dealing with familiar tensions, I was actually having a mind-set that I am doing good. I even gave myself 9 out of 10 in everything. I didn’t show my anger to anyone, I accepted my personal discomfort when I had to support my family, but there was not a single good words written there about me. Yes, after reading those, the whole day I spent in understanding what went wrong and what fault I made. Yeah, I got a few. I understood a few things I ignored considering it would not be noticed but it was noticed and noted down. All of a sudden I started feeling very low. It felt like I failed in an exam though I tried my level best.

Some negative thoughts also came in my mind like I must not do any more good things. I would have to ask the writer about the false blames, but slowly after spending a whole day with myself, after writing out a small poem, after watching India-Sri Lanka cricket match, I regained my mental spirit and decided not to live in any kind of negativities around me. I made a few rules, regulations for myself to follow. I don’t know how much my readers will connect with this but atleast it made me feel happy, made me strong enough to move on.

1. Never get in to an argument which has no ending
2. Never listen what other people say about you
3. You didn’t take birth in a day and that was also not in your control. Handling any situation demands time and be wise to allot that
4. Nothing comes for free, not even social service. You get tax exemption, happiness and sometimes a bit fame too
5. Those who doesn’t have enough work or those who have never achieved anything in their life of their own, are the front runner in criticism business, avoid them
6. Nurture hobbies, don’t make yourself so busy so that you don’t get time for what you actually enjoy
7. Don’t keep grudge on anything or anyone, immediately react but don’t drag that far
8. Enjoy companies of friends, but remember, if you enjoy, then only or else not necessary to get surrounded by people
9. Exercise without fail. Alarm clock should not wake you up, but your passion should
10. What is right is always right and what is wrong is always wrong. No need to live with something wrong hoping it will be right someday. It will never be
11. Study even when you are earning good because studies keep you updated with things and works as natural brain refresher
12. Attend calls, send mails, chat with people but avoid expecting anything
13. Save money, save more than you could. Make savings a habit more important than earning also
14. Enjoy every second. The moment you are dull, you must be sure very soon your surroundings would be dull and you would land in to a soup, middle of nowhere
15. You can’t change anyone, so don’t try. Yes remember, you also don’t change yourself for anyone. You are fine, good enough
16. Apart from all the above the things, do some meditation every day and walk for atleast 10,000 steps

Debraj

15.02.2016

Gurgaon

Speak out and You are Fired…

A very alarming situation is in India. Whatever you comment, say or notice, are actually under the strict scanner of Government and their followers. A few days before, SRK’s film (I do agree that it was one of the worst movies I have ever seen) was protested by lots of followers around the country because in one of his interviews, he commented India as an intolerant country. I have seen the interview, live in TV, he was asked, will you return your award as lot of Indian writers, film makers are returning? He with his most dignified way replied politely, one should respect another person’s way of treating people. They felt this is the way to protest against something. If situation demands, if I feel the same way, obviously will return my awards too. Simple. He made his point. The whole team of Bhakts made it a strong statement against nationality. They even suggested him to move to our neighbour country. The protested in almost every theatre halls and left no stone unturned to make the film a flop. Yes, Dilwale was not flop but didn’t do business upto mark also.

This is not a case of a film only but affecting friendships, relationships and social goals at large. Now a days, social media is playing as the most important part in deciding a thing. People were ferociously commenting against the film, and literally threatening people for not watching it, or kept on making fun who strongly protested the situation and went on to watch it.

We didn’t learn from any of the incidents.

In Dadri case, one Muslim was killed by a few angry people. I don’t know what was the actual reason, castes’ or something else but whatever it was, was strong enough to divide people in to two separate classes. One, who said, whatever happened, should not be happened, and another, make it happen in other places too. They spoke out about the incidents in Malda too. According to these sick people, media hyped the incident in Dadri as there a Muslim family was attacked but the same media is keeping their mouth shut as in Malda, Hindu people were attacked by Muslim. It seems like Bhakts are the only patriot in India and mature people who can lead India from the front. Very serious situation indeed.

A few days before, one student committed suicide in a University in Hyderabad. Now the whole Indian politics are upto this. People are trying to make it an Anti-Dalit incident and the Government in Centre to trying to nullify the incident telling, nothing of that kind happened in actual. The politically biased media also playing a dual game, they are making each and every issue a complex one, a really tough to situation to handle. Funny thing is, now Bhakts have already declared the person who committed suicide as a dormant ISIS agent and without verifying the source of data or its reliability, posting it in Facebook, making memes, cartoons and fighting in every kind of social media.

May be who is in Power, writes the history, but whatever it is, is not good for the health of a country as a whole.

Personally, I have a lot Muslim friends and a lot Dalit friends, I have never felt threatened or tortured. I am sure they also feel the same about me. Then why to create such confusions and then invite an ocean to engulf a whole civilization. Already the word is not in a good shape now. North Korea and South Korea are increasing more and more tensions day by day, US is threatening China every alternate day, India is still having daily fight with Pakistani intruders and Pakistan is more busy dealing their internal ‘Game of Thrones’. Seeing all these things also, why still we are trying make this country an intolerant one. Let people do whatever they want to do, just ensure that I am not being harmed, our future, our next generations are not being harmed. This Hate-Policy will not ensure safe ruling but will result in to another Divide and Rule massacre.

Kabir

22.01.2016

Hurgaon

Commitment: Taboo

I am not sure whether I should write this or not. Yeah, this is a sensitive topic and one shouldn’t discuss on the same. It’s kind of personal thing but I guess, I have already discussed a lot about my personal things here, starting from quitting smoking to masturbation. I have even discussed my definitions of being happy and then some kind of familiar incidents too.

Anyway, coming to the subject, is commitment in relationship is a taboo? I am not sure of it but seems like I feel the same. According to Google, Taboo means a social or religious custom prohibiting or restricting a particular practice or forbidding association with a particular person, place, or thing.

Before I got married, I was in a few relationships, I mean I had a few girlfriends in different phases. Ok, while I was in school, like all other guys, I also had some kind of crush on a girl, which didn’t mature later. We never even spoke more than twice or may be thrice too.

Then in college, while doing engineering, I got involved with a lady, who was actually a friend of one of my friend. It lasted a couple of years. There also it didn’t ripe in to a physical relationships (I meant sex, not kissing). That also didn’t last long after I got a job and started working in a concern. Then for a stop-gap period, I met with another lady, with whom I was in a relationship for a complete year. Yes, this time she was also very serious and I was too but it didn’t last long for some miscommunications which resulted into a complete misunderstandings and an argumentative end. We both decided to move away and have our own life separately. With her, I went to some good places too, away from home, spent a whole day in hotel room, came close to each other but somehow sex didn’t happen. Probably we were in demand of more time or may be being an Indian, we were not that matured like what we read about developed or underdeveloped foreign countries. While in a relationship, we never had any problem with ‘Love’. Love was always in the air, which actually didn’t condencify and there I understood my problem.

My problem is simple, I can’t commit a thing unless it has some result in future. Not necessary that I can see the future, but there must be some way I could see, visualise or I personally don’t believe in continuing a relationship considering it a taboo. I always, say, there is no number in between ‘0’ & ‘100’. Either complete dedication, or there is nothing, which I actually lack. I can’t give my 100% to anything unless I like that thing the most, more than my life too. Yes, it is, and it will probably remain the same till my last breath. Though in professional life, whenever I felt suffocated in a job, I immediately resigned and joined some other company. Sometime this went wrong, but I never cared for that.

Why to drag a thing when you actually lack something? Why to drag a relationship when you know you are not satisfied with it? Why society, parents, friends would have to interfere in your personal choice? Here the point comes. Sometime you know you are not in to it but your counterpart doesn’t feel the same way and there the confusions, contradictions come which mostly lead to some unfortunate, unwanted situations. It happened with me with my girlfriends, even with my wife too. Life is never a very easy thing, life is tough.

I still do not understand, when there is some problem or confusions or better say mismatch in a relationship, then why not to take a call and respect the peace of mind? Solutions could be done by having good discussion, by taking help from third party, could be done by approaching court or by any violent means. Yes, I don’t see anything wrong in this. Where there is something wrong, then all the consequences could be wrong, should definitely be in wrong way. As simple as that. If I am not enjoying my marriage, then there is no other way to say it other than confessing, “I am not happy”.

No, please don’t get me wrong. It’s not my case as of now. Yes, here also I am happily adjusted myself between 0 & 100. Means, I am not 100% happy, but it will be really unfair to say that I am not happy also. So I am happy. I don’t have all the happiness one could get from marriage, but yes, to some extent, I am happy. I have issues, I have problems but still can’t get away from this marriage named thing. I am not sure whether it is kind of fear, social embarrassment or still I have some expectations left from this? I don’t know at all. I don’t know what is happening now, it will keep on happening rest of my life. So same boring story line up every day, every morning, noon, afternoon and night. Whatever is the problem, issues, didn’t get sorted out yet and I am quite sure that in near future also, nothing is going to change. Ok, I am not pointing my finger to someone saying it is his/her fault at all. I am just saying considering all the faults are mine, still why to bear the burden for same old rotten story which gets old day by day and gather more mosses being of no use at all?

Yes, may be, Commitment is a kind of taboo.

Kabir

15.01.2016

Gurgaon

Hey You…Infront of Mirror

Every day I see a lady, an elderly lady wearing pink top and legging jog in the ground. if I reach ground at 5am in the morning, I would find her and she stays till I end up my morning exercises religiously. It has always been tough for me to reach ground on time after a good weekend and now it has become my habit to skip exercises two days in a row, Sunday and then in continuation to that Monday too. It’s been very few times when I broke this self-made rule and presented myself in between soothing nature on a fine Sunday morning and there was no surprise. That lady with pink dress was there, busy with her practices.

I don’t know what is this? Why there is so much dedication in something? What if I bunk a class or take a leave from office? I often do it, though very rare, still I will say it often as I don’t get tired very often but whenever I feel tired, I send a sms to my boss and then call him after sometime before sending him an official leave application mail. At the age of sixty, maybe she is fearing death, or maybe she doesn’t have anything else to do in the morning, probably she lost her aged husband a few years before, maybe her siblings don’t want her around in the morning chores, maybe she feel happy coming in the ground, may be it is a kind of discipline, forceful discipline to stay alive amidst all the crazy situations around us.

I don’t know whether I follow any kind of such discipline. I go office not because I feel bored at home I love my job, it is simply because I get money for working there and that’s the easiest way to earn money. I believe, there is no life without money unless otherwise you are being sponsored by any person or organization. So I go office every day, mostly without any fail. But what could be the motivation for that lady to wake up early in the morning and do exercises in the ground, that also without a single day fail.

After noticing this for almost six months, one fine morning, I decided to talk to her to know her motivation to do so or may be the reason behind it. I was mentally prepared to hear anything nut no, I didn’t had to hear anything painful. She politely narrated me a story while holding a smile always in her face. I am trying to write the story in her words.

“Hey you, my son, I am ready to hug my death any day. I am having high blood pressure, thyroid and some other less critical issues which you will find in almost every person of my age. I have problem in my knees since my childhood after I fell from a stool at the age of six only, I could not walk properly. One morning, while playing in my court yard, suddenly a dog chased me and I started trudging with my legs and then suddenly I started running like anything, ooops, no son, nothing of that kind happened in my life. There was no Forrest Gump incidence in my life. Anyway, then my dad took me to a school and I was not doing very well there. One fine morning a close relative of mine came and shouted on me for not doing well in exams. He gave examples of nearby guys who were of my same age and were doing extremely well. That was an eye opener for me. I studied well, better, worked day and night and my hard work was properly compensated by awarding me rank one. Oooops, noting of that kind happened also in my life. I never did well in my exams, never tried also. Okies, my son, I know I am actually confusing you a lot. My simple suggestion to you is, stop following people. One should not have any time to listen other’s shared knowledge but make sure that you got enough experience. Remember what Forrest Gump’s mom said him, ‘Stupid is as stupid does.’ We all are stupid and so let’s not act as high intellectual. None is more disciplined than you, hard worker than you and Hey You, you are the best, believe it, act accordingly.”

It was good knowledge for me. I stopped listening to many suggestions, various explanations of religious books and spiritual discussions, rather I started noting down things around me and convert it to an experience, which must enrich me, and I guess we all believe motivation comes automatically.

Love & Hate…In-front of Mirror

What is Love?

Biologically, love is a powerful neurological condition like hunger or thirst, only more permanent. We talk about love being blind or unconditional, in the sense that we have no control over it. Yes, we don’t have any control over it. May be that’s why it is said that love is divine also. In a workshop I attended very recently, I had a long argue with the speaker over there, how could love be divine, how come it could be without any expectations and demands. If there is no expectations, demands, respect, commitment, then why do we need to have a thing called love. I personally don’t believe that if there is no commitment, then there is no existence of that thing. We can’t survive in office without any commitment. Everything in this world comes with some deliverables. Mom loves us and we love our mom. There is some attachments. There is some kind of expectations in every steps. We may or may not understand it every time, but there is always a string attached. In husband wife relationships also, there are a lot deliverables and demands from each side, sometime absence of which brings hatred in between a relationship and then spoils it. Then if there are some pros & cons of a thing called love, then how come it could be divine?

Why so many Hatred?

A person borrowed some money from me a few years back and then he didn’t return till date. I am quite sure that he will never return. That time it was some handsome amount which may have no value at all right now because I earn much more and got a small bank balance also. Still whenever I meet that person, I remember that incident and talk with him cautiously keeping in mind that no further dealings of money. We say a wrong word or come out of a relationship and then we keep that incident in our mind for long. That bitterness, pain, sorrow don’t let us to communicate with that person properly in future also. It takes lots of time to forget a thing and move on. Sometime it takes a lifelong time. We keep on holding the grudge for so long so that we don’t even take any initiative to rebuild that bridge and we do it purposefully out of our negative thoughts which actually drive us to lead our life. In general, sometime we cherish our hatred for a person or an incident in large.

Summary

Actually there is a very thin line between love and hate. Love is more easily experienced than defined. Love’s the one thing that can never hurt anyone, although it may cost dearly. The paradox of love is that it is supremely free yet attaches us with bonds stronger than death. It cannot be bought or sold; there is nothing it cannot face; love is life’s greatest blessing.

“Hate is often considered to be an evil passion that should, in a better world, be tamed, controlled and eradicated. Yet to the biologist, hate is a passion that is of equal interest to love“.

Like love, hatred is often irrational and can lead individual to heroic and evil deeds. How can two opposite sentiments lead to the same behaviour?

This may seem surprising since hate can also be an all-consuming passion like love, the real truth of life.

It’s Cool to be HaPpY…

Look, different people have different views on anything. A person, who loved wine more than his wife and whiskey more than his mother has stopped drinking. He even stopped smoking too after burning his lungs for almost 12 years. Consider a 10 piece packet a day, he has atleast smoked 12 x 365 x 10 = 43800 nos cigarette. Yes, that person is me. I stopped consuming alcohol, stopped smoking, what is more, I have stopped eating non-vegetarian foods also, and honestly I am feeling happiness around me.

Was I unhappy? Nope. For long years, alcohol gave me company like anything, after breaking up with girlfriends, in social get together, after scoring bad in college, offices, in chilling winter, on top of a mountain after continuous two days of trekking, alcohol and cigarette have taught me how to enjoy life, how to coup yourself with surroundings full of shit. I was happy then and I am happy now also. Actually feeling good.

All my readers are aware that, I was practising Yoga and then some breathing exercises. It demanded me to quit smoking and alcohol. Just to have fun for few days, I stopped everything, just concentrated on the workshop and its curriculums. After completion of the workshop, I myself continued the regime.

Happiness is nothing, it’s just a state of mind. Sometime getting a letter from an old lost friend reminds you how happy you are and sometime a one line statement from a very close friend of yours forces you to rethink calling him a friend anymore. It happens. If one has a physical existence, then surely there will be some tampering, polishing etc. and that also on a regular basis.

I miss all my close friends, I miss my family around me, I miss some good moments in my old organizations, I feel bad when some painful incident reminds me how alone I felt then, I feel bad when I desperately need something but couldn’t get.

Being Happy doesn’t mean one need to be happy, but it is a state of mind, a mental condition and a bold declaration, I am strong enough to handle unhappiness as I know happiness is more important to me, so obviously I will remove ‘un’ from happy and let ‘Happy’ remains with me forever.

Love you all

Sougata

02.09.2015

Why So Many Ways…???

One famous person named Ramakrishna once said, many thoughts, and many ways (যত মত, ততো পথ). For everything there is some time of craze. As an example, when I was child, people suddenly started saying that don’t use Dalda, use vegetable oil, like sunflower oil, almond oil etc., and then the craze of Rice bran oil came. And we all started using that thing. After a few years, everyone got feared and started singing the song of Olive oil and just yesterday my wife read somewhere that Olive oil is not good for Indian Type of cooking. My mom always used to say, drink milk, you will gain good health, and now we all know that milk is not that good though. These are things, concepts, theories…comes like waves and then vanishes in no time at all.

In life, these waves can be termed as phases. In childhood, we all play in the ground or at least inside room. Then those heavy bags full of books are forcefully put on our shoulders and we carry those until we get a job or start a business or decide some other professions. I have never been in to a business, so I can’t say what happens to a business man but yes, being an employee for about ten years, now I can say what happened with me or what the phases were. Initially I was a junior, always willing to learn, then slowly I got increments, promotions, in between all these, switched to some other company frequent times. Now too much loaded with higher designations and simultaneously work pressure.

In my last blog, I have written about how did I took part in a Yoga Program and how I myself motivated with help of Yoga to quit cigarettes and alcohol. Now will come to a few more discussions. There are ‘n’ numbers of Yoga Styles and thousands multiplied number of Yoga Gurus. All gurus have invented some kind of techniques or at least modified the traditional things according to the need of people and sometime to make their presentation more followers friendly.

Now let’s analyze what I have learnt in my course. I learnt to be happy all the time knowing that Happiness and Sorrow are complimentary to each other. If one is happy at present doesn’t mean he will not get pain in his life. It is just a matter of fact that after happiness, there must be some kind of setbacks. I learnt a powerful breathing exercise known as Sudarshan Kriya which is a process to control your breathing as breathing is the most important source of energy. I learnt some other kinds of breathing exercises too like Ujjayi Pranayama and then Bhastrika. I was instructed to continue doing that process for the next forty days without any break. The best time for practicing the same is in the morning or anytime in a day preferably in an empty stomach.

After doing five days’ workshop, I really felt good but a bit disappointed too. I got so many questions in my mind which are still unanswered. Ok let me write down those points

1. Per session I have paid Rs. 400, total Rs. 2000 for a five days’ workshop, which seems a bit expensive. I know we don’t mind buying unhealthy fast food for 500 bucks but before buying rice, we compare between 20kinds of rice and then finally buy the cheapest one, though a 500 buck cost 5kg pack of rice lasts for atleast a month, still considering it a economy program, the subjects were very little. There were more emphasize on how Ravishankar ji talks about things, how holy person he is and what does he suggests in different situations. Yes, I am not saying those are not good, they are really good, inspiring and motivating too but I expected more Yoga and techniques than mere knowledge. We all are full of knowledge and it’s really tough to make space for new things. In that way I was a bit disappointed.
2. The Home Kriya, means the simplified version of Sudarshan Kriya was taught to us which I find not that good except making it a habit of doing same things repeatedly. Actually it brings discipline in life. May be through regular practice it will be able to channelize my energy through breathing in some day. They say Long Kriya is not to be done on regular basis and must not be at home being alone. They say it must be practiced infront of some teacher and in group. My sincere question is I don’t want to have a guru standing in front of me all the time. I need to be mature and be that teacher who can mentor their disciple to make them mature in minimum time require. Where everything is specific, where you always emphasize on being in present, then why do you keep things to be taught in future. Why not at this present moment.
3. Why there are so many Gurus and so many Paths. They are actually too much confusing. They say, Gu means Darkness and Ru means light. Guru is who removes the darkness and bring the light in life. Having a good guru means half job done. But where is Guru? He is not with me directly. He says to be with me through his series of disciples. It seems like there are many many steps to reach near to him. Means one should kept on hoping and spending money on learning things without having any answers to his own questions. He can’t even ask his Guru that, “how do you know all these things?” yes, it’s an important question. How Guru does know everything and then if he knows everything, then what the hell other gurus are doing? Do they also claim to know everything? If yes, then why don’t they appear for a common examination and release their rankings. We will have a choice then. Now it is like being sub-standard people, we are forced believe their holiness. What they claim to be good, we have full rights to know why it is better among all other things claimed to be Good.

Okay, I have so many questions because still I am a person with confused mind, but never mind, like all other things I have done in life, here also, I will try my best to reach the root, even if that involves to read a lot, practice my ass out, I will not mind. Yoga as a whole and to be specific the type of Yoga I have learnt has opened a door in my mind, now it’s my job to explore the rooms inside.

Sougata

Gurgaon

24.08.2015

A Soulful Glow (Final)

I am a person who needs highest level of motivation for anything. Like if I believe alcohol has nothing to do with our human body, even god can’t stop me from drinking. If I think my boss isn’t right, bribing me Kohinoor will also not change the view. I was knowing alcohol and smoking is actually killing me but was not able to quit those. I was not even convinced to go for medication also. I needed a strong motivation. I checked almost every sites telling how to quit smoking but finally failing to do so. I started drinking milk at night just to avoid alcohol but again after two days threw the glass of milk and filled it with alcohol. All negative things around me was engulfing me and slowly all my positive things were converting in to negative things. I used to write poems, paint, read books but slowly I one fine morning I found myself doing none of the above except thinking of beer in the afternoon before lunch and then whiskey in the evening and throughout all these bad thought process burning one by one cigarette to hell.

I was getting a clear picture of my health. I was getting tired after walking half a mile of running quarter a mile. I was not getting any interest in anything. Most of time busy with how to manage time for a cigarette break or finding out reason for celebration with whiskey. Though I was eating a lot, still I was not gaining any weight. Every night I use to stay towards the ceiling hoping after sometime sleep will come. In the morning, with drowsy eyes fighting with another tensed day.

I am a person, who can do anything in the world with help of a bit inspiration and motivation but like I said earlier, I need to go in details of the thing I am doing. One fine morning, I just stopped smoking and took an oath of not drinking any more. I just stopped.

Earlier also I have done this many time. I used to make fun of myself by telling people that quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world, for example, I have done it a thousand times. Even once for a stretch of almost a week but everytime I made a mistake. I will share this mistake here.

We get motivated by many things, like scolding from teachers/wife, siblings for not smoking. Sometime wife refuses to kiss a cigarette smelling lip, sometime it feels bad to go closer to a non-smoking person too. So we plan to quit smoking and then immediately we declare it our friends, colleagues. The moment we share the good news, they get jealous of you or just to appreciate you, they make fun of you. I have faced this many a times. Sometime appreciation doesn’t help. So just quit it and you are done. Like I said before, I used to smoke atleast 15 cigarettes a day and then suddenly stopped. Before I used to quit smoking for a day and then immediately started Googling the pros and cons of quitting smoking. With all those motivating incidents and words, I used to get enthusiasm and to celebrate that, started smoking again. I was a big frustration for myself, after trying my best also, I was not able to forget it properly.

I told myself. You need to do something that doesn’t support smoking. You need to give a break to your mind. You need to do something that keeps you busy than leaving you a second for smoking. And one more promise I made to myself, no looking back from now.

So, there were three things. First, unhappiness in my family and home, second stress in office which was actually hampering my personal life and third, all those bad habits. I made one thing clear, I will have to fight with these three hurdles. I checked internet all through the days and listed down various options. I am listing down those below

1. Identify the tension and get rid of it. It confused me a lot. My wife is my tension but I can’t get rid of her. She is part of my life. If I break one hand, is it preferable to get it treated through some near painful process or just cut it off for a later painful life?
2. Live in the present and forget past and don’t think too much about future: it is a good point. One must live in present forgetting whatever he did and without getting much involved in what he will get in future. Just live the moment and enjoy it fullest. Somehow it’s a great thought. My sincere question was, while I am drinking, I am living in the very present. Does that make me happy? One word came from the above realization that is Happiness. My focus is to get happiness and bet is that it must have to be permanent or at least it must stay for some time.
3. Exercise, exercise and exercise: yeah, I am fond of exercise. If someone wakes me up every day in the morning and take me for a walk, I don’t have any problem but if someone says put an alarm and do it regularly, then it’s not my cup of tea. Another problem with exercise is consistency. People have a tendency to get bored of exercise very often. Though exercise is one of the best option to get physically and mentally fit, still I was wandering for some other options.

At this point of time, one evening one friend of mine came to my place. He was sharing his experiences about how did he quit smoking. Actually he was a very close friend of mine who used to smoke & drink occasionally. His way of talking really amazed me and I got more interested about the way he did that miracle.

He said, he had joined a religious programme which encourages yoga. Yoga was not a new thing to me. Even I had downloaded a few yoga postures which included Surya Namaskar etc. and started practicing at home with a bit difficulties. Then he started explaining about the programme. He said, it has nothing to do with any kind of religions. No need to have faith on god or have to follow some kind of rituals. It is very simple programme which they call ‘Happiness Programme’. Happiness programme is all about bringing happiness which is kept inside our body and soul. I got enthusiastic about that programme and the very next day spent a good time on internet to know every details of that organization. It was formed by a person named Sri Sri Ravi Shanker. His face or whatever was written in the site didn’t attract me much to be very frank. Being a son of a very religious family I am believed to be an autistic, I have never shown any respect to any kind of God or Godmen in my life and it is not something I have done forcefully or for any reason. Actually depending on anyone is just not in my blood. May be there is something called heaven, where people go after their death, maybe there is some people known as god but their story never attract me. I never bowed down infront of any image or Murti. So religious thing didn’t attract me at all but thought of giving it a try. The whole day I kept on checking their sites. I downloaded a few books on Yoga and Yogic culture. In between that process, I even checked Yoga dresses in some online portal also and ended of buying some electrical junks. That night, I had a very bad sleep. Woke up in the morning with swollen eyes and tired face, drank one full bottle of water and quit smoking, drinking alcohol.

Yes it was that simple. One have to just make his mind and throw up everything.

I joined their class on the very next day. Even before they say anything, I knew I stopped smoking and drinking, so already I was high. I was high on enthusiasm. The schedule was, reach the venue by 6am in the morning and be with them till 9am. My office starts at 9:30am, so the first decision I had to make was to inform office that for the next five days, I will be late every day in the morning and the second was to inform wife that I will not have my breakfast at home and will not take my lunch box for the next five days. It was not easy at all but my positive approach towards that thing woke me up in the morning even before the alarm.

I packed a small bag of formal wears which I planned to wear after Yoga session and then rush for office, one bottle of water, a small hand towel. As instructed I wore a light fitted dress and left home at 5:30 in the morning. It was drizzling outside, a cool breeze was playing with my hair. After very long, my ear got to breathe in fresh air, I was feeling the bliss with all my sense organs.

The first thing we did at the Yoga class was, we got hold of each other’s hands and said “I belong to you”, means it all started with a dedication. A lot of things were taught in the whole class. We learnt a few yoga postures also. Ujjayi Pranayama was one of those. It’s all about controlling your breaths. The most important thing we do all through the day is we breathe. We are alive till we breathe. When we get tempted, it increases and remain very normal while we sleep. The moment it stops, our body converts from live thing to a dead substance.

A few strange questions were asked during the course like when are we happy? When will we be happy? What do we need to be happy?

I stopped eating non-vegetarian foods also. I stopped taking tea and started thinking of yoga whenever possible. It was more of an awakening class than a spiritual class or yoga class. They didn’t show us much yogic poses. They kept ourselves limited with a very few postures only. There was one thing called Sudarshan Kriya where we were taught how to keep control of our breathing. SUdarshan Kriya is a thing, is a kind of breathing exercise where one has to breathe with the sounds of So-ham. So-Ham is said in different ways, first very slowly, means to have control over long breath, then with medium pace and atlast with very fast. One has to keep doing it until it finishes. Once it is over, one must lay on ground and relax their body.

Honestly I never knew how to relax. I used to relax at any comfortable posture, trying hard to forget all other tensions and then fighting with physical uncomfortness and finally giving up being half-rested. They taught me how to control mind, how to channelize one’s thought in to relaxation. How to think of your own body and then slowly relax each body parts.

One another thing I learnt from them is meditation. Every time I heard of meditation, everyone says it’s all about concentration. Throughout years I tried my best to concentrate on sudden things but that never happen. I always ended up being impatient and an utter failure. They told us meditation has nothing to do with concentrations. It’s all about routing things in proper way. At first, one have to expand themselves.

They told us to sit cross legged (Sukhasana), spine erect, eyes closed, palm facing the sky and relaxed shoulders. At first we were said to think of a sphere around us with a radius of 2feet, then the whole room. This way one by one they took us out of the universe and finally told us to think of a place in between our eyebrows, means where the 3^rd eye is believed to be. When I was done, I felt myself in heaven. Everything around me was calm, cool. I was not having any anger, sorrw. I was happy. I was happy.

I got a new dimensions through Yoga. Yes, I was in search of it for very long and probably I got it. I got a glow around me, a soulful glow.

Sougata

21.08.2015

Gurgaon

A Soulful Glow…(1)

Yes, we are alive in this beautiful, ugly or whatever it could be termed but in this planet earth.  A few days before, I was going through some very tough situations. Somehow I was killing myself slowly with something or by anything. One fine morning found one of my friend was trying to maintain a distance with me. I noticed it on the very first day but didn’t say anything. The next day I asked him directly and got no answer. I said, I am sorry if I have done something or anything wrong. Trust me it was not intentional. It is not that I could not live without that friend. Actually he is some kind of my colleague cum friend. Who cares about how many friends they come in terms during their job in a specific company? But in this case, as I was disturbed with many things, so I planned to identify things one by one and consider them as issues constraint to my happiness. After some caring try, the problem with my friend got sorted out and he stopped avoiding me.

I was having tough time at home too. My wife returns office late in the afternoon and most of the time much later than I reach. It was never a problem with me but I wanted her to take care of a few things or else alone, I was not able to do everything at home and consider someone to stay always with me like a guest. We have a cook who comes twice a day. She is an elderly lady who comes early in the morning, cooks breakfast and lunch for us and then in the evening for cooking our dinner. Everyday morning, it is me who wakes up early and open the door and then instruct her what to cook. In the evening, if I get a bit late and she leaves, we happily order food from outside. Just to catch our cook, I have to leave office exactly on time which is really troublesome sometime. In India, we are habituated to work on extended hours without any extra pay. There I see my friends are working and I am the one who leaves office exactly on time. Even if I leave on time and find huge traffic at road, still I am late to get hold of my cook. Cleaning of rooms, putting things in proper place, and one by one everything was coming on my head. It happened like if I stop doing things at home, then except watching what my servants are doing at their own choice and wish, I don’t have anything to do at home. Slowly dust, dirt, negative energy was covering my place. For a pair of socks, I would have to check every places, most of the clothes smelly due to frequent rain and elongated time for drying up, cook started putting more oils in food resulting upset stomach most of time and then outburst of such negative energies converted in to anger. I was getting angry for everything at home. I was getting angry with my parents, with my friends and with my wife too. I was being impatient at road while driving and increased my smoking and dragged it to almost double the numbers I used to smoke in last ten years. I started drinking almost every evening. I used to get impatient after reaching home. Without watching TV and watching scattered costly things here and there, I literally had nothing to do except consoling my mind and controlling temper with a glass of whiskey.

In office, I used to get disturbed with anything my boss instructs me to do, I started reading newspapers with more attention but not a single news was getting saved in my mind. After playing cricket for school team, college team and then office team, I was forced to seat in bench in my present company. There was a huge cloud of depression around me and I was not doing anything right.