Archive for the ‘Jealousy’ Category

Probably after long one month, I finally got some time to spend with myself. Honestly this new job is really checking my capacity to handle stress, tension, work load everything. Everyday morning, I wake up at 7 am, then immediately after waking up, I rush to washroom, get ready, prepare breakfast while getting ready, pack it in lunch box, put it in a bag, arrange my office bag, take car key and start rushing in the Mumbai traffic. Then try not to honk at any point of time on the way to my office putting FM on high pitch and reach my office after travelling 43 km in 1 hour, if lucky, park my car outside office in open parking area, assemble by trouser, take the laptop bag in shoulder, lunch box in other hand start running for lift. Then the permutation combination phase, which life will come fast and probability of getting in is higher as there is no queue in front of life. After participating in that race, I reach office with a smiling face enjoying good morning wish by my sub-ordinates and finally settle, better say leave my ass to settle on a cushy mushy chair. Office boy brings a glass of water and then a hot coffee. The moment I open my laptop and start checking mails in outlook and newspaper in google chrome, intercom rings, hey man, good morning, can you please come for 1 minute? Sometime I think of replying, no sir, I can’t come, but I can’t because at this point of time, I am not having any back up job in my hand and I have a wife, I have a social status, I have a bunch of friends, I have handful of well-wishers and a bunch of bad wishers as well around me who may forget to shit in the morning but never forget to keep their watchful eyes on me. So I can’t just type a letter and throw that on my boss saying, fuck off! Hey, come on, don’t get me wrong, I am not at all frustrated with my job. Actually I enjoy working whole day, attend meetings, taking decisions, make fun of any small funny incidents and take charge of a whole bundle of deliverable. Anyway, I work whole day till evening, may be by 7 pm, I log off and again take my car key to jump in to the battle of returning home. In evening, I usually take long 2 hours to reach at home. So I reach around 9 pm every day, feel blessed when my wife offers me cooked food. O yes, sometime, I take a peg of whiskey and act like drunk to forget all the shit I did whole day including travelling to office and returning back and then enjoy my dinner while watching TV. Then I go to sleep.

So that my daily ordeal. I just don’t do anything apart from the above mentioned schedule. I may take 30 min more in one activity than other but overall the story is same.

Ok now, I guess you are much tired of reading my boring story because I guess you also got almost same like mine. Then let me tell you another story, funny is this is not funny and I assure, your story matches mine and for obvious reason my story matches exactly with yours. To be honest, we everyone have same story in life and still we try to extract thrill out of it. You earn, you socialize, you take responsibilities both at home and at work place, in both place you get bare minimum hike in your salary as well as importance at your home. You earn, you spend, sometime for yourself and most of the time for others only to remain included in that circle but most of the time you end up with getting criticized for what you haven’t done at all, still you smile, keep yourself busy in aspiring more and more with a dream of achieving everything in life as soon as possible hoping there is a world, where everything you do is appreciated without any miss and you continue living. You earn, you fight to streamline what is not in order. With your hard work, dedication, you reach closest to that place and find out while concentrating on one thing, you missed another thing. You again try to assemble that. Your job is never finished.

Hey cool, no need to thank me, we all are co-traveler in same boat. We will never reach our destination and please don’t get frustrated for that. Let’s keep trying.

Sougata

24.05.2017

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It’s been long I actually wrote something. Sometime we prolong our break and sometime we just ponder on work. It’s kind of our psychology. Sometime we nourish our hobbies and sometime we just let things go on as it is. The gap period was like that. I let the life move on of its own without much involving my own self in to it.

I concentrated on job, maintained a harmony of relationships with friends and relatives, tried my best to manage some time for regular exercises, quit smoking for a few good weeks and again didn’t take much time hug it. In these few months, I went to some places like Udaipur, then another trip to Ajmer-Pushkar.

I managed to meet some old friends, had sufficiently enough volume of alcohol of various brands and just let that six months approx time flow like nothing. I didn’t do anything specific but honestly that’s the most satisfying thing. Sometime it really feels good when you actually don’t do anything. This is the time, when you don’t daydream, don’t concentrate much on romanticism, poetry, and don’t find much interest in love making or watching porn.

This is the time when you just don’t bother if speedometer of your car starts crying, you just give bullshit to what your bosses or colleagues talk in your back. You don’t bother to maintain a good health, you don’t ask for a good book to read at leisure, you don’t start a new TV series.

This is the time when you just give damn to some unknown or semi known extra-marital affairs of your very so called near or dear ones and besides, you don’t feel any urge to start one with someone.

It’s just cool, like flowing river, it’s like continuous snowfall without bothering where am I settling may be on top of trees, on stones, on rivers or whatever it is.

And then slowly you start feeling, after so many struggles, after so many real days, you got a real life to live. Then you sleep naked, putting air conditioner on super chilled mode, consume a full 750ml of good wine with ‘n’ numbers of cigarettes, turn left, keeping hands at ninety degree with your body, making a proper ‘F’ where lower hand is managed with your erect dick.

Debraj

22.09.2016

J 4 Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you are riding through the ruts, don’t complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don’t bury your thoughts; put your vision to reality. Wake Up and Live! – Bob Marley.

J 2This is a very common thing we all deal with our everyday life. Every day, every time we see some trouble in anything, the first thing we do is to think about what to blame or on whom the blame to be put, and when we see something better than what we are having ours, a tiny feel of being jealous arises. We start feeling jealous of the thing, of the person having it and through internet; I have come to know that it’s sudden kind of mind set and which is not good at all. Its a kind of disease, psychological disease. Like many other things, this has also a very important role in killing us slowly, day by day and funnily, we, ourselves has made it an habit of being jealous of almost everything which we see better than us but don’t find a proper root or source of it.

A few days before, the second largest viewership in India Prize went to Indian Soccer League. The main face of the same was Mrs. Nita Ambani, proud wife of one of the top five richest person in the world who is undoubtedly the richest person in India too. The first thing after looking at her face, we start feeling that, whatever show business she is doing is by using good money of her wealthy fatty pocket husband’s money. We assure ourselves that, if i had the money, i could have done the same, or even better, it could have been a flawless show on the earth. But it doesn’t happen and we start feeling low about her. Here we mean people and in the description of people, i am also included, may be not in this specific case but somewhere somehow. We start feeling that the smile she is showing infront of camera is also photoshopped live on the spot. J 5The commanding power she is having on the set or on the ground or on the whole viewers watching the soccer game are completely because of money, no other reason is behind that. We start feeling a less qualified and dignified lady has been chosen by one of the richest person on earth. We start feeling low by thinking what a goddamn luck she is having without any proper and required quality. It’s a kind of act of being jealous. We stop appreciating her, because we keep our self busy in finding flaws of her. We feel her sense of dress is not good, we feel she doesn’t speak good English, we start finding problems in her body language forgetting my own position. Funnily, we waste our own time in watching her flaws than her presence on the screen and the qualities behind that, resulting we stop developing ourselves. People learn by mistakes, i do agree, but mostly by own mistakes, not of other’s.

After seeing Aishwarya Rai, the glamour queen on Bollywood (Hindi Film Industry) getting married to Abhishek Bachchan (another star and most importantly only son of one of the most rated hero Amitabh Bachchan), i also felt very bad. I can’t remember the exact time but to be honest, after that marriage i started feeling myself against Abhishek Bachchan. I started giving importance to the rumours of him being gay, i started feeling good when someone criticises his acting skills and say, “only because of his dad, he is there”. It is a feeling of getting supported by similar minded people but actually its a kind of jealousy. We often keep on telling, he got his home through his in laws in a casual way but in real i am being jealous of his luck.J 6

May be i cant be like Mrs. Nita Ambani, may be i cant be like Abhishek Bachchan, may be i am not ready to accept dowry but through such comments, i let my inner devil come out of my mouth and give pleasure to my heart. It happens with everyone. We all are aware of this disease but the proper cure is unknown. We are more in to enjoying this disease than rectifying it.

Garry Allan said it well, “you can be the moon but still jealous of the stars.” Often we neglect our own calibre of doing better by wasting time by being jealous to someone. It is no more than feeling alone against smiling enemies. It is the fear of getting compared. It is an act of comparing someone’s negative points with our own positive points which unknowingly kills our positive points too. One of my friends said it well. He said, we all praise Einstein’s moustache because it belonged to Einstein.

Achievers pay attention to their all those negative points of them through various sources and then rectify themselves or sometime just ignore. But jealous people keep on criticising things and lose their own time and positive things.

After grand success of Happy New Year, a Bollywood film, once the director Mrs. Farha Khan was asked, though you have broken all the Bollywood collection records, still people are making fun of your direction. They say, Farha is pathetic as a director. She replied coolly, “criticism is an art, be expert of it, you will become Anupama Chopra or else go and watch my movie and let me earn money. Money gives me more happiness than what they get by criticising my movies.” Mrs. Ambani, same applies with you too.

Pic courtesy : Google

Debraj – 24.12.2014J 3

Pic courtesy : Googleebraj – 24.12.2014