WP 01

I am not sure whether I should write this or not. Yeah, this is a sensitive topic and one shouldn’t discuss on the same. It’s kind of personal thing but I guess, I have already discussed a lot about my personal things here, starting from quitting smoking to masturbation. I have even discussed my definitions of being happy and then some kind of familiar incidents too.

Anyway, coming to the subject, is commitment in relationship is a taboo? I am not sure of it but seems like I feel the same. According to Google, Taboo means a social or religious custom prohibiting or restricting a particular practice or forbidding association with a particular person, place, or thing.

Before I got married, I was in a few relationships, I mean I had a few girlfriends in different phases. Ok, while I was in school, like all other guys, I also had some kind of crush on a girl, which didn’t mature later. We never even spoke more than twice or may be thrice too.

Then in college, while doing engineering, I got involved with a lady, who was actually a friend of one of my friend. It lasted a couple of years. There also it didn’t ripe in to a physical relationships (I meant sex, not kissing). That also didn’t last long after I got a job and started working in a concern. Then for a stop-gap period, I met with another lady, with whom I was in a relationship for a complete year. Yes, this time she was also very serious and I was too but it didn’t last long for some miscommunications which resulted into a complete misunderstandings and an argumentative end. We both decided to move away and have our own life separately. With her, I went to some good places too, away from home, spent a whole day in hotel room, came close to each other but somehow sex didn’t happen. Probably we were in demand of more time or may be being an Indian, we were not that matured like what we read about developed or underdeveloped foreign countries. While in a relationship, we never had any problem with ‘Love’. Love was always in the air, which actually didn’t condencify and there I understood my problem.

My problem is simple, I can’t commit a thing unless it has some result in future. Not necessary that I can see the future, but there must be some way I could see, visualise or I personally don’t believe in continuing a relationship considering it a taboo. I always, say, there is no number in between ‘0’ & ‘100’. Either complete dedication, or there is nothing, which I actually lack. I can’t give my 100% to anything unless I like that thing the most, more than my life too. Yes, it is, and it will probably remain the same till my last breath. Though in professional life, whenever I felt suffocated in a job, I immediately resigned and joined some other company. Sometime this went wrong, but I never cared for that.

Why to drag a thing when you actually lack something? Why to drag a relationship when you know you are not satisfied with it? Why society, parents, friends would have to interfere in your personal choice? Here the point comes. Sometime you know you are not in to it but your counterpart doesn’t feel the same way and there the confusions, contradictions come which mostly lead to some unfortunate, unwanted situations. It happened with me with my girlfriends, even with my wife too. Life is never a very easy thing, life is tough.

I still do not understand, when there is some problem or confusions or better say mismatch in a relationship, then why not to take a call and respect the peace of mind? Solutions could be done by having good discussion, by taking help from third party, could be done by approaching court or by any violent means. Yes, I don’t see anything wrong in this. Where there is something wrong, then all the consequences could be wrong, should definitely be in wrong way. As simple as that. If I am not enjoying my marriage, then there is no other way to say it other than confessing, “I am not happy”.

No, please don’t get me wrong. It’s not my case as of now. Yes, here also I am happily adjusted myself between 0 & 100. Means, I am not 100% happy, but it will be really unfair to say that I am not happy also. So I am happy. I don’t have all the happiness one could get from marriage, but yes, to some extent, I am happy. I have issues, I have problems but still can’t get away from this marriage named thing. I am not sure whether it is kind of fear, social embarrassment or still I have some expectations left from this? I don’t know at all. I don’t know what is happening now, it will keep on happening rest of my life. So same boring story line up every day, every morning, noon, afternoon and night. Whatever is the problem, issues, didn’t get sorted out yet and I am quite sure that in near future also, nothing is going to change. Ok, I am not pointing my finger to someone saying it is his/her fault at all. I am just saying considering all the faults are mine, still why to bear the burden for same old rotten story which gets old day by day and gather more mosses being of no use at all?

Yes, may be, Commitment is a kind of taboo.

Kabir

15.01.2016

Gurgaon

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Comments
  1. mansha10 says:

    hello
    maybe i am too young to comment on or give my opinion on relationships………but i agree with you that we should never do what makes us unhappy…….i can relate it to my student life asw el

    nice post

    Like

    • debraj says:

      Thanks for reading the post and your valuable feedback.
      yes, we should not do things that make us unhappy.
      thanks again.
      Would love if you could share your student life stories related to this post.

      Liked by 1 person

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