“Ami Bhalo Nei” – Not feeling good

Posted: May 28, 2014 in life, NaBloPoMo, Personal, Relationships, Social
Tags: , , , , ,

Image“Ami Bhalo Nei”, what should be the exact English translation of the sentence or better say the expression? I checked it in Google translator and found a completely wrong translation. They wrote, “I do not like”, funny!!!

Anyway, I am going to write something about that commonly used Bengali sentence, “ami bhalo nei”, a near translation, “Not feeling good”.

Usage is like

– How are you uncle?

– Not well dear, after the heart attack last month, became very weak.

Another example

–          Mom, how are you?

–          Not feeling good son didn’t see you for long.

Actually my blog is not about the translation or anything like that, it’s simply about being happy and being in a position to say, yes, I am happy suppressing tears is also a position to be considered as ‘Ami bhalo Nei’– not well dear.

When it is directly said that ‘not well’, we ask for the reason or atleast try to find out the reason but when a person just refuses to express for the sake of keeping harmony or happiness may be in family or in friendship or in society at large or at anywhere, it’s not only tough but it’s the actual exam of the person who asked to find out the tiniest clue to understand whether he is actually happy or trying to please him with smile. It’s tough and obviously not easy. For me it’s almost impossible. We understand sarcasm, we understand irony but most of the time we don’t see the tears behind a smile.Image

Yesterday while I was going through the news of heavily circulated Bengali newspaper Anandabazar Patrika, online edition, found a girl named Priyanka Mukherjee committed suicide at her college hostel room and kept a note mentioning three of her room mates for ragging her all the time. She hung herself from the ceiling fan to stop replying to such mental torture. Her dad, after burying his daughters dead body in the burning ghat told to the journalists gathered, “ami bhalo nei, our only daughter died, we wish, we could also die with her”. Suddenly it felt like a lump concentrated on my eyes to come out as tears. It was a simple incident and in a country like India, it happens almost every three hours as per latest statistics but don’t know what happened to me just after reading those three words in Bengali, “ami bhalo nei.” None says they are not well unless until they really face something very bad. Today while writing this blog, suddenly remembered one of my friend, who died of nervous failure, said same just one day before his death when we gathered beside him in the hospital. The ever smiling guy replied to our question-how are you with a sad smile and those three words, “ami bhalo nei, now I know I will not live, then why am I still getting the pain?” we felt a big hollow around us, a hollow of emptiness, a big never answerable question.

People rarely use these three words. Actually everyone knows the usage of this sentence. It comes out of mouth only when severe mental of physical pain makes our face blue, fear of emptiness tries to engulf day and night and the person feels helpless everyway. “ami bhalo nei” is always followed with a deep breath, it’s like a breath to adjust with the pain, live with the understanding that things may not change but still will have to fight with a feel, anyday, may be anyday the final day may come, when none will ask, “how are you” and I will say, “ami bhalo nei”, even people will not even care for a dead body, they will not even remember about the body when it was live said, “ami bhalo nei”, means he wanted some care, some support, some laugh, some feel of having someone close.

I actually live far away from my parents. Whenever I call them over the phone and ask about their well-being, they always reply, “ami bhalo achhi”, means ‘yes we are doing good’. I know they have a lot other issues related to me but atleast on my face or over the phone they say, they are happy, sometime it makes me feel how much pain it needs to say , “ami bhalo nei” at all and how do people live with that?

We, the attention seeking social creatures often update our status in Facebook stating, “I am upset”, “I am irritated”, “I am angry”, sometime add some smileys to make it more presentable on the virtual drawing table. In the era of social networking, everything has become more open than before. Here now a day people know about their own marriage through the tweets from his would be wife, parents start questioning their son/daughter not from the names found written on last pages of exercise books, but from the Facebook status updates.

ImageOne more incidence just came in my mind, after the most dreadful incidence of the year 2012 December month, when a lady was gang raped in a bus in Delhi and then was torn apart, thrown off the bus after the massacre with a thick iron rod on her posterior while all her intestine came out, we all shivered by just imagining what brutality happened with an insane lady. She was admitted to a hospital and after a long hours came back in sense, when her mom was sitting beside her and she opened her eyes, the first thing happened was two drops of tear came out from her eyes, enough answer to her mother who was silently asking her about her then condition and the tear drop replied, “ami bhalo nei ma“. Really she failed in her final fight for life.

People now a day are more social than personal, they have more online friends than childhood one, I don’t know whether after a decade, people will have even one personal person left to whom he can express his deep pain with a faith of having sympathy and support, so that he can actually say, “ami bhalo nei”, or they will just bear it, die inside and then slowly leave the physical existence also.

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Comments
  1. Anonymous says:

    Hi, may I ask, are you male or female? I loved reading this and a few other posts from you. Amio Bengali 🙂

    Like

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