Quitting Smoking, tried but failed

Posted: December 19, 2013 in NaBloPoMo

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It was never an easy task for me as I was convinced with the fact that it’s doing harm to my health but still not convinced, is this the only thing that’s doing harm? If I have to quit harmful things, then the first thing I need to throw out is my brain. Not only mine, but its true for everyone. Our brain doesn’t help us to solve problem in logical way or any other way but it’s a power house of problems. It doesn’t attack problems but attracts it. I am so tired of my brain, so so much tired so that when some other thing attracts me, I can’t say no and that’s the reason I love and enjoy smoking. I know it’s a stupid reason to say but actually this is the thing. People says smoking nourishes the brain and actually it helps while we get indulged in a deep thought but for me it’s something that freak me out, force me to think some other things and sometime just for relaxation.

My smoking habit started with Wills Flake and then there was a long period of Charms (as there was no other smoking sticks were available except the great brown country one in Chattisgarh, a province in India) and then I got Gold Flake but this phase was not long as I got the charm of Navy Cut, previously known as Filter Wills. I started smoking Navy cut in the year 2006 and continued the relationship with it up to 2013. Yes, actually it was a long 07years of togetherness but had to change my partner as I was getting married and so had to minimize the smell comes out from mouth after smoking.

I started smoking Gold Flake light, a perfect blend of aristocracy and smoothness with controlled smoothness. Wow, what a smoking stick it is. There was another reason for this shift too. I was feeling that my lungs are not in a good position and the hard nature of Navy Cut was actually hurting me more than giving pleasure. I was getting tired so often but didn’t show any sign to minimize the consumption. Actually it’s a belief or atleast myth that light stick will do less damage and I am not ready to die now. I have a lot dreams to fulfill and a lot replies to give a lot people.

My initial days with this Gold Flake light were so funny. My smoking friends started calling me ladies stick sucker as they consider it a stick for ladies. There is not much hardness in it; even quantity of nicotine also seems lesser than its male version. I felt ashamed but one night one thought came in my mind and when the next day my friends called me by the same name, my reply was, sorry guys, I am not a gay, I am a lady lover and that why it’s my pleasurable luck to have a hot lady stacked in my mouth. Though they were not much convinced with my answer but managed to stay silent and let me continue with my newest love.

Actually problem with me is I get bored with things very often. I was enjoying the new brand but my search for better one was going on simultaneously. I tried B&H from my wife’s wallet, then Marlboro Light, Gold Flake King but for the first time I felt like throwing all other things and get stick to my lovely packet of GFL. A silvery golden colored packet, with sky blue colored logo on it, really a royal touch. Take the packet in hand and remove the plastic cover, take out the aluminum foil and then the whole world of smoothness and relation is being opened to you. Take a piece, lit it and then feel the romance, feel the life, feel the charm of life.

What happens with we people you know, we start anything with so much of confusion, dilemma and then get accustomed with and slowly it becomes our habit. E.g. we didn’t like studying during our school, college days but still whenever we get time, we put our eyes on any newspaper, even if not a newspaper, then some kind of cheap advertisement. Generally we don’t even leave the advertisements of sexologists though mostly we are satisfied with our size and feedback too. The same thing happened with me. I started smoking it to many in a day without any control thinking it will help my brain or atleast it will help me to think something else than what my brain is directing me to. Five sticks a day raised its bar and reached a packet a day within a period of one month only. Then I stopped buying more than one packet. I never bought two packets in a day but when my packet is finished. Then what to do when my packet is finished but I need to spoil the environment a lil more, I used to buy single piece.

Slowly I understood, from one packet a day, I became a one and half packet a day person. I noted this point very seriously and from then started counting my puffs. One day after waking up the morning and then on my way to office another one, after that started giving a long break till lunch. After my post lunch lungs toasting session, I started taking the 4th one direct at the evening. Here I faced another problem. After reaching home, I used to drink a couple of pegs and without smoking a single stick there was no charm at all. So I used to finish two drinks and two sticks. After finishing the drinks, while putting the bottles in position, who doesn’t like to lit the last one the enjoy the drunk feelings? So total 7 sticks a day and the last one after dinner. Yes, I planned to make it max to max eight sticks a day. No more grilling of lips and no more lungs toasting session. I was actually feeling happy to make this happen. Two days passed and then three days too. I started feeling good and started feeling more energetic too. On my fourth day, I found there are total five packets on my table. One packet is full (as I used buy sticks on my way back from office) and another four packets are having two sticks inside each. So total ten plus eight sticks I was having.

I felt bad. Actually there was no necessity to buy another packet that day as I was actually having my daily quota intact in my room, but what to do, it was a Friday too. The devil inside me provoked a lot but the urge of living more stopped me doing that. Oho, I forgot to mention, in between these four days, I read a lot about how to quit smoking and even took suggestions from friend too about how they quit it. I started taking nicotine chewing gum and fennel along with me to control it.

Anyway, let’s come back to that Friday. I took shower and took out a Teachers full bottle along with ice and a Smirnoff as my wife doesn’t like whisky. We poured our drink, switched on the television and started watching a ghost movie. It was really a scary one, ‘The Conjuring’. In between our drinking and watching movies, we had our dinner too. It was midnight then while we finished our drinks and then completed watching two movies at home. My wife was also drunk and me too. We switched off the light, locked the door and walked to our bed room. After reaching bed room, I thought of smoke another stick considering it to be the last and to my great disappointment, I found both my packets are empty. There was not a single stick inside, means I smoked all the sixteen sticks in just four hours. I didn’t say the thing to my wife though I was fully convinced that, good night will be good bye, still I asked for another B&H from my wife. She made a face but still gave me like paying a paisa to some beggar but I felt grateful to her.

Nope, that good night was not good bye. Still I am here and writing for myself, hoping some people will read my blog.

Sougata

19.12.2013

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