Sexual Harassment in work places : discussion from a Guy’s point of view

Posted: January 22, 2013 in NaBloPoMo

A few days before I have watched a movie named Inkaar. As per all the reviews I found in newspapers, blogs and wherever, it was clearly mentioned that it is going to be a story on Sexual harassment of women in professional field. So I had to watch the movie and in the theatre hall only I understood or better say thought of some things we need to change in ourselves. I don’t know, people may think me hypocrite, or think that I am also among those who can rape and kill his own sister but here I got some points to discuss my views with some examples taken from my life.

Incident 01: while I was in Bhutan for some project work and was doing well, I was given an assistant by the management hoping it will increase my productivity, though I was doing satisfactory but later on came to know it was just as an incentive to whatever I was doing there. They had a feeling that while I will be given a beautiful lady to work with me, I will be more satisfied and dedicated to whatever I was doing then. I do agree with the fact and surprisingly within a very few days I started working more and started taking more responsibility. My productivity was increasing and by the way I understood some common and definite things of being with a woman like she needs atleast two to three days leave in a month. I will have to excuse her before scheduled time and what’s more, I will have to give her all comfort she needs like arranging a good corner in the same cabin, listening her bull shit talking over the phone as it is not possible to let her go whenever a call comes and the most irritatingly, funny comments made by my colleagues. I taught her every minor details of our job, made her understand the necessity of it and then guided her to do that herself. As she was having potential, she was performing well too, so had to tell my boss about her incentive, increment and obviously if possible, then a promotion. One night at around 12:30, I got a call from her cell number and before I receive that, I got disconnected. I thought of not calling but as a courtesy or thinking of any urgent need, I called her back and she said apologized for calling me so late at night and I had to comfort her by saying, it’s not an issue. She can proceed with her sayings by telling me the reason of calling me. She started saying about her family, then old jobs and then after sometime confessed, she was missing me that time. ya, obviously not physically but mentally and she is so thankful to me because I always behave good with her and guide her for anything. That day we talked for more than one hour, I guess. The next day morning, she was ashamed for waking me late over the phone and said, sorry sir. I had to comfort her by saying, its ok, not an issue and as I read still mid of any night, so I am quite habituated with that. Slowly we made it a routine to talk over the phone after office hours from 11pm to 12am. Slowly I accepted her as a good friend of mine and her also. One night while arguing over an issue, we kept a bet of kissing her in office. With initial hesitation, I accepted the challenge. The very next day, seriously I kissed her in my cabin and from then the scenario got totally changed. She loved the kiss and she confessed that she was waiting for the day to come. I was astonished but as I told before, I had started thinking her differently. During office hours, she is just my junior colleague and after that, she has become a very good friend of mine. It has nothing to do with my career coz I knew what to do and how to up thrust me from all the odd things around me but beside that understood things, I have started depending on her. I had to hear all her girly things, discussions and most of the time full of jealousy and self-satisfaction. The office was not full of dumb people, they started guessing what’s happening between us and we started developing a relationship in between us. I named that ‘love’ that time. Problem was that, due to her presence, I have started keeping myself free from my friends but she didn’t show any sign of doing so. I didn’t force her to do also. Day by day, she started commanding me also and I was senior and so had to keep quiet so that none can know about the things happening. Not only senior by designation, I was older in that office too. So I can’t react in such a way so that it brings any bad impression to my company. She was becoming dare-devil day by day and as sometime I started reacting, she started feeling that, I have become jealous of her or trying to bring unnecessary complexity in her career. I was astonished to know the thing. Being the person, who brought her in that position after spending lots of quality time to improve her skill, now she is blaming my existence. I had to stand up and protest but I was not able to do in open again because of the fear of my own reputation and as well as company’s reputation. I was keeping patience for the right time to come. In between these entire official shit, we didn’t ruin our personal relationships also but she was having another mind to date a guy of her religion. One fine morning I came to know all about these and I am sorry, I failed or better say lost the strength to reply. I left my office saying I am sick and tried to sleep whole day and night. I knew, I was been cheated and now screwed. I had no other option than leaving the job coz she has already got out of my control and to some extent started threatening me. I had none with whom I can share coz sex-monger friends were not happy seeing me being with a lady as they didn’t have any and can’t go to management coz they know, it’s me who brought her up to that higher position and now because of my personal tension, I can’t ruin company’s face and good will of providing good working atmosphere. I was behaving like a spineless guy because I dint leave any option for me to react. I started spending time being alone. One day my Project Manager called me and forced me to narrate him the whole story. Literally I had to confess, I was being blackmailed. In any society, girl’s words are given more value than any of a guy and so if she does anything against me, she could put me behind the bars also by just adding some cheap masala and putting some fake blames.

This situation lasted for more than six months and still I can remember, those days were more than painful in my life. I had nothing to get from her, or expect from her but she used me properly. I accept the fact; she fucked me without even touching, using my emotions and her being a lady in this holy shit society.

Incident 02:   I had one lady childhood friend. We completed our studies and got a job almost at the same time. I used to wear comfortable and purely formal dress where as she used to wear sleeveless dresses all the time to work in an office. Once I asked her, hey, don’t u feel uncomfortable or over exposed in these types of dresses? Don’t you feel that office is not a place like restaurant or something where you can wear anything? She replied with a million dollar sentence, “if I don’t look appealing in my work place, then I will lose my job and some other more appealing will come to de-chair me. Then I will be nowhere.” I had to stop and listen her. She kept on saying, “look, dear, no direct offence to you but again I am generalizing, all guys are bustards and they are ever ready to pound on us for some flesh value.” I was stunned to hear such from her and was not sure whether she was saying right or wrong but just managed to say, “so, to keep ur job safe and to enjoy a luxury shopping kit full always, you let them tear your flesh by provoking to see your uncovered arms, bare hips and if possible then a little bit of cleavages too though you are not in any type of skin showing job. Nice dear, it’s a nice thing to do and if after all your unspoken invitations, some body denies it, just make your face red hot and blame them for having another flesh other than yours.” She got irritated and then I had to stop, I left the place in no time. while I give access to people to see and check my flesh to ensure my promotion and good increment or atleast more value in my place, then what’s there in accepting the fact that, if I am given a chance, then I will not let any chance of getting it full. How rubbish is this idea of seducing guys and then blaming him for sexual harassment. While she is doing it for her career, I must say, while she is using her body to attract more interest and attention, then why guys are criticized to pay for it.

Look, making my view or statement clearer. Generally what happens, let’s get into that psychology. Ladies love to be pampered. So they don’t leave any chance for letting themselves more pampered. That’s why they take various types of make ups and all these types of things like I would like to remind my readers the incident of Surpanakha, she was ugly but tried to get attention with her that ugly on screen presence. She was quite aware that if she has to fight with present days Aishwarya Rai or any other good looking women, then surely she will be a loser in 100 games out of hundred. So, what types of trick she took, she tried her best to seduce Laxman but when she failed to do so, I am sorry, after seeing Brother Rama is having a beautiful wife like SIta, none will like to have lesser beautiful gairl in their life, and so Laxman was not seduced, anyway, come to the point Surpanakha tried to seduce him but and failed and so tried to provoke him to get her. Then also she failed and after getting any other way out, she had to act desperate while Laxman cut her nose.

Let’s come to another example from our old days and comparing it with present day’s scenario. In any ancient history we get from the Veda, of the Gita, fact remains the same. Those girls, who were not from good and wealthy family, used to try their luck by giving a try to that period big shots and now the same thing happens when a new girl wishes to get a good position in short time in an organization and when she is having one major weapon of showing her sexuality and when in this society the number of sex-monger so called bustard guys are not less in number, then what’s there is flaunting own body in such a way so that all the power, social importance, official getaways can be hugged at a time and that also at the earliest possible.

Problem is not sexual harassment, but problem is not making the deal fixed from before. Basically what happens is that, both the guy and the girl are kept in some confusion about what exactly they are doing and for what. They even start feeling the cliché word Love also in between them. They start loving each other’s smile, small incident, little emotions and when the things are achieved, I mean when the girl or the guy achieves a position to claim, atleast there is some achievement in professional way, then the girl gets concerned about it and start getting confident with the fact, it was not biased for her, but she herself achieved the peak and that hurts the guy, he starts thinking of old days, while he used to guide her all the time and those good moments he has shared with that lady thinking of making it lifelong should be given more importance than that of professional things. Shit happens, they had to part together and the society remains same.

We start writing stories or blogs and moreover start directing a film, an utter shit like Inkaar, where the girl’s point of view is depicted with more sensibility by neglecting the same for a guy but contemplating the idea of giving a thrust to the society using the word womanhood. Once I got one sms from my fiancée stating, the day guy will admit that they cry and the day when girl will admit that they masturbate, the world will be a better place to live in. I do agree with fact. We must not act like a grown up guy until we can show the real emotions of a guy, his fantasy, his tears and obviously, most importantly his dedication to any relationship. I know the day will never come because Bollywood can show Actor is pressing actress’s boobs but can’t show them to masturbate mentioning the reason of being against obscene and unreal. They are permissible to masturbate but can’t be discussed while they can kick on our ass desperately in public or can drag us to court for any god-damn bullshit reason.

This is how we live in this society, deal with all allegations made by women, whom we are advised to treat as our own sister, mother etc. etc. but they will burst out if by any chance you start seeing her as any of your friend’s sister because this society gives liberty to them to choose their own partner and we are forced and fucked up most of the times.


Love you guys




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